Dreams on Fire
by lifewillout-always
Summary: What would happen if Derek survived the crash? Where would Meredith and Derek be then? Derek faces a long recovery with a pregnant wife, a recovery that tests their love, relationship, and dreams for the future. Lot of fluff with some drama.
1. Fight Song

Meredith couldn't pinpoint the exact moment her world stopped. Was it when the knock came at the front door? Was it when she opened it to find two police officers there? Or was it when they told her there had been an accident? Or really, was it arriving in the dingy, forgotten medical center that had made it all connect in her brain and finally seem real to her? She might never know.

The two officers at her door had been extremely understanding and comforting as the woman in the doorway haunched over in deep sobs. They stepped inside and led her to the couch, one officer on either side of her, to tell her what had happened. One described to her the situation, that Derek had been a hero, before an on-coming truck slammed into him. He also told her that Derek was alive, critical but alive. They offered to take her to Dillard and she tried to calm down. The children were upstairs and she needed to calm down in order to wake them up and wrangle them into the back of a police car.

Meredith composed herself the best she could, before standing up from the couch and heading upstairs to the kids bedrooms. For the umpteenth time today, she wanted to puke. Halfway to Zola's room, she took a detour into one of the bathrooms to do just that. She knew what was wrong with her, but now with Derek potentially half dead, now was not the time. First she woke up Zola, stroking her back gently. When her daughter opened her eyes she smiled. "Hey baby girl, we have to go somewhere okay? We have to go visit daddy, I know it's late and you're sleepy, but you can sleep once you're there," she said, her voice warm and motherly, trying to mask how scared she was. Zola sat up and Meredith didn't do much, just picked her up out of her bed before going to get Bailey out of his crib. That was harder; he needed a diaper change, but within less than 15 minutes, both kids were out of bed with shoes and coats on and downstairs. Meredith grabbed her own coat and on second thought, grabbed the stroller for Bailey. She looked at the two cops as she handled the diaper bag, sighing heavily. "Let's go," she said, her brain thinking up all of the horrible possibilities and scenarios Derek could be in right now. She'd never even heard of this hospital he had been brought to, and that meant, according to her medical snobbery, it was a piece of crap, which worried her even more. She'd have him transferred to Grey-Sloan as soon as possible.

The ride to Dillard seemed to take forever. They seemed to hit every red light, plus this place seemed to be literally on the opposite side of Seattle, or 'in the sticks' as her mother would've called it. When they finally arrived and Meredith assessed the place, she shook her head. This was no place for Derek to be, if he had the injuries she had been told he had. She rushed out of the car, thanking the police officers for their kindles, plopping a sleeping Bailey into the stroller and dashing inside, Zola holding her hand. There was a social worker waiting for her, to watch the kids, and as she approached Derek's room in the ICU, a doctor approached her. "Mrs. Shepherd," she greeted her, Meredith's eyes wandering past her into Derek's room. "It's actually Dr. Grey," she corrected, somewhat harshly, but she just wanted to see Derek. "Oh, um, I'm sorry. Dr. Grey," she mousy resident fumbled. Dr. Blake, said her nametag. She hated the woman already. She fumbled too much, she didn't seem confident of herself, and Meredith needed a doctor who was confident. Meredith stared at her for a moment. "Well? What did you need to tell me? Because I need to be with my husband right now," she said, brushing past her and entering the room.

Meredith had seen patients in bad shape before. She had seen them in critical shape, she had seen them on the edge of dying. But nothing could have prepared her to see her husband in this shape. There were tubes and wires coming out of him everywhere. He was intubated, but she could tell he was breathing on his own around it, and knew it was just a precaution. He was bruised from head to toe, his head wrapped in a bandage from the surgery from his brain bleed, sutures all over his body. His right arm was broken, and Meredith could only imagine what else was broken. She noticed a cast poking out from the sheets on his left leg and wrinkled her nose. He was peacefully sleeping, knocked out from pain meds and in a medically induced coma. She picked up his chart and leafed through it, confirming her suspicions. Brain activity, great sinus rhythms, coded a few times but they had gotten him back. The induced coma and intubation were just so he had time to heal. But he was alive. Derek was here and alive.

Meredith didn't know she was crying until the papers beneath her blurred and were slightly wet. This wasn't the best case situation, but he was alive, and that's what was most important. He would have a long recovery ahead of him but all signs pointed to him living and that was literally the most important thing to Meredith.

She moved over to his bedside and moved a chair over to him, touching a hand to his cheek. "Hey you. I heard you were a hero today," she said with a small smile, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "Always have to be the hero don't you?" she laughed a bit, shaking her head. "You're going to be okay, Derek, I promise. It may not seem like it right now but I promise you'll be okay," she said, taking a deep breath. It was hard, so hard, for her to see him like this, even after everything they'd been through as a couple, but she knew this was just another thing they'd get through as a couple. "I'll be back in a few minutes Derek," she whispered, getting up and leaving the room, trying to see if Dr. Blake was there. She spotted her immediately.

"Hi, Dr. Blake, I'd like Derek transferred to Grey Sloan Memorial immediately, it's where we work and they can give him better care," she said bluntly. At the moment all formalities were out the window. She wanted what was best for Derek, and Grey Sloan was the best. Dr. Blake looked sort of blind sighted by this, but nodded anyway. "I'll have my attending do the transfer and hopefully he'll be moved over by the morning." "Good," Meredith said brusquely, turning swiftly on her heel to turn back into the room. She was a Grey, and a Shepherd. When she wanted things done she got things done. She was called Medusa for a reason.

Meredith sat back down in the chair next to Derek, taking his hand and calling Amelia. It was just after 1am here, which made it 4am in NYC…She knew Carolyn would want to know but she couldn't bring herself to call her yet. Amelia would have to be first.

Her sister-in-law answered on the first ring. Of course she was awake, she was probably with Owen, or checking on her post-ops at the hospital, or just generally being Amelia and keeping up with her crazy all-nighters. She technically lived at their house but she was barely there at the same time Meredith and Derek were.

"Amy, hi," she said, taking a deep breath. "There's been an accident…Derek's in critical condition, he had a brain bleed, but he's stable, he's going to be okay," she said, tears forming in her eyes again as she explained the situation to Amelia. "I'm having him transferred to Grey-Sloan, they're arranging for a transport, oh god Amelia this is horrible," she sobbed. Her rock-hard exterior was crumbling. "I need you to come to Dillard and pick up the kids. You can absolutely see Derek, I just need you to get the kids so I can be with Derek." Amelia agreed to come, and in under an hour she was striding through the doors of his ICU room, a small cry coming from her mouth. Derek was her rock, the reason she was still alive. He was her big brother, her protector, and to see him in a hospital bed, hooked up to life support and so many tubes and wires...it was a lot. Meredith jumped up and the two sisters held each other for a few minutes, just riding out the waves of pain they both felt. She let Amelia sit with him while she went to check on the kids with the social worker. Bailey was asleep in his stroller while Zola was sound asleep on the social workers lap and Meredith took a sigh of relief. "My sister in law is here to relieve you," she said with a small smile, grateful for the social worker at the moment. She had given her time, time to be with her husband and time to process, time to figure out where to go from here. She walked back into Derek's room and Amy stood up, ready to take the kids home.

"I really really appreciate you watching the kids Amy, I promise to keep you updated if anything changes," she said with a small sigh. Once Amy left with Zola and Bailey, Meredith clutched her phone. It was now 5:30 in NYC. Was it still too early to call? Probably not, considering this was Carolyn's only son and one of her children. Meredith knew she would want to be contacted if this was one of **her** children. She hesitantly picked up her phone and called her mother in law, who naturally picked up on the first ring. If someone in Seattle was calling at 2:30 in the morning, she knew something was wrong. Meredith tearfully told Carolyn what had happened, and Carolyn, amazing woman she was, booked a flight for later that day. Meredith still wasn't used to having a mother that cared so much, but she was ready. She knew she couldn't do this alone, she needed all the help and support she could get.

* * *

After a long, sleepless night, Meredith was woken up around 7 by the doctors doing rounds. She was usually the one doing rounds, but this morning she sat back and let them do what they had to do. They adjusted the vent according to his natural breathing, and checked his sedation, choosing to keep it where it was to give him some time to heal. They explained this to her, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes, resisted the urge to tell them that she was a doctor, a surgeon even, one of the best in her field. Once they left she lay her head down on the bed and closed her eyes. This was exhausting, and they were just getting exhausted. He would need extensive physical therapy to walk again, and probably cognitive therapy. You don't just walk away from being hit nearly head on by a truck without needing extensive therapy.

The next thing she knew there was a tap on the glass doorway and she shot up in her seat. It was transport and she had to smile slightly. Anything to get the hell out of this horrible place. They didn't even have a trauma center! How the hell do you bring someone with obvious trauma to a hospital without a trauma center!? The transport people gently but quickly moved Derek to their gurney, moving all of his tubes and wires as well. Meredith gathered her things and walked behind them to the ambulance bay, watching as they carefully lifted him into the ambulance, and helped her in too. She was used to ambulances by now, but as a doctor, not as the wife of the patient. They drove across the city, with Meredith frantically paging or texting everyone at Grey Sloan to prepare for their impending arrival. She wanted to be sure that Derek would get the best care possible when they arrived. Once the texts had gone out she sighed, reaching for his hand and giving it a tight squeeze. How had they ended up here? Just a day ago he was heading to DC to quit the brain mapping project, and now he was beaten to a pulp and in a medically induced coma.

As soon as the ambulance arrived at Grey-Sloan, Meredith climbed out followed by Derek on the gurney. She was trying to stay calm, really she was, but when she was met by Owen and Bailey, she couldn't keep it together anymore. Bailey pulled her aside and took the sobbing wife into her arms, while Owen shouted out orders and brought him up to a room in the ICU. Bailey quickly brought Meredith to a wayward on-call room so the poor woman could cry it out, knowing she'd been awake since yesterday morning.

"Bailey it's just not fair," she wailed, shaking her head back and forth. "If he dies from this, I will never recover," she admitted, looking down at the floor and trying to catch her breath. She had two – no three – children that she needed to be there for, to be strong for, to take care of. Bailey left her to gather herself together, and for the first few minutes she cried as hard as she could, not even caring if people cold hear her. Screw them. They didn't have a half-dead husband upstairs in the ICU. After shedding all of her tears and feeling like she couldn't try anymore, she worked on fixing herself up. She didn't have any makeup on her, not like she was here to impress anyone, but she stepped into the bathroom to throw cold water on her face and make sure it wasn't red and blotchy. She gripped the sink, a wave of nausea washing over her, quickly turning around and heaving bile into the toilet – there wasn't anything in her stomach to throw up, but damn, her morning sickness was here with a vengeance. She had to guess she was around 5 or 6 weeks, since the morning sickness had just started. Standing up from the floor, she wiped her mouth with a paper towel, disposing of it and then heading upstairs.

Once in the ICU, she was surrounded by doctors and nurses she knew. But today, she wasn't Dr. Grey. She was Mrs. Shepherd, and her husband was in critical condition. She easily found his room, which wasn't occupied by just him, but by Jackson, Hunt, April, and several other doctors who she didn't know intimately and wasn't friends with.

"Here's Dr. Grey," Hunt said, giving Meredith a smile that she knew was just for show. Derek seemed to look a bit better, but maybe it was the brighter white of Grey Sloan instead of the dingy gray of Dillard. "Hi Dr. Hunt," Meredith mumbled, trying to remember to breathe in and out as much as possible, but this was Derek. Love of her life, move mountains for, have a million babies for, Derek. Nothing could happen to him from now on, he couldn't die. He had to make it. She knew the first 24 hours were the most crucial, and so far in the first 12 things were looking promising. But she was a surgeon, she had even been a neurosurgeon for a bit, she was even thinking of returning to the specialty, and she knew the odds and the facts. She moved into the room further and pulled up a seat next to his bed as their friends adjusted his medications and such.

"Meredith, he's doing well for being t-boned by an 18 wheeler. He made it through surgery, he has broken bones. They got rid of the brain bleed, they fixed his intestines, he's doing pretty well all things considered", Owen said to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're one of us, you know the odds and what everything means. You know the first 24 hours are the most important, and honestly…they patched him up well. Now we wait for him to wake up. We'll be in in an hour," he continued, before all doctors turned and left. Meredith stared at their retreating figures, before turning back to Derek and leaning her head against one of his bedrails. Her stomach was queasy and she needed food or water or something, but she didn't want to move, she couldn't move. She couldn't miss a moment of anything with him.

* * *

After at least half an hour her phone went off; it was Amelia. She had gotten the kids ready and was dropping them off at the hospital daycare before coming up to see Derek. Meredith braced herself for more tears. She also got a text from Carolyn, saying her flight got in at noon, she knew the way to the house, but she was coming to the hospital first. Meredith replied to both women, before closing her eyes her eyes again. Soon enough Hunt was back, along with Maggie, and Meredith blearily looked up at the chief and her sister. Maggie being here meant that something was wrong with his heart, something they had skipped over. She knew he had coded in the ambulance on the way to Dillard, and a few times at Dillard, but they had obviously gotten him back. "Good afternoon Meredith," Maggie said, giving her a small smile before going over to her sister and giving her a hug. "I just wanted to do an EKG on him, since he coded in the ER, I also wanted to do an echocardiogram to check even more indepth," she explained. Meredith nodded, accepting the forms that Maggie handed her. She knew she was the one who had to sign off on everything, seeing as how she was Derek's wife. It sobered her in that moment, knowing that she currently had power of attorney over everything until he was able to make decisions for himself. She took a deep breath and signed the multiple forms, before handing them over to Maggie. A nurse came in within the next few minutes with the EKG machine, placing the stickers all over Derek's body and hooking him up to the leads. The test only took a minute and Meredith prayed to whatever higher power was out there that everything came back okay. She figured Maggie was called to another patient, so she put down her head on the bed and waited until someone else came in again.

* * *

Somehow it was evening, and Meredith was woken up by the sun setting through the blinds of the ICU room. Derek was still under sedation, the vent still helping him breathe, and she sighed, picking up her head. She knew it might take awhile for him to wake up and even longer for him to get to the place where he could talk and be mobile, but he had brain activity, she knew he was breathing somewhat on his own over the intubation. It was just all of his injuries, and then all of his injuries combined. Even as a doctor it seemed almost catastrophic to him, but at the same time she had seen patients worse off, leave the hospital healthy after a few weeks. Opening her eyes, she saw Derek still asleep, but on the other side of the bed was Carolyn Shepherd. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and picked up her head. "Hi," she croaked, offering her a small smile across the bed. Carolyn gave her one back, before looking at her broken and beaten son, rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand. "Meredith, you should eat, or at least drink something," she said, knowing the girl hadn't left his bedside in at least 36 hours, if not more. All Meredith could do was wrinkle her nose. Eating was the last thing on her mind, as was drinking anything, but she knew that she needed to do both for herself and the baby. Her stomach was rolling with nausea even though she hadn't eaten in a day and a half and she sighed, shrugging her shoulders. Carolyn regarded her one last time with a smile. "I'm going to head back to the house and relieve Amelia of the kids. Get some rest, okay?" she said, standing up and wrapping Meredith in a tight hug. "I will," Meredith promised. There was a couch on the other side of the room, and one of her friends had left a few pillows and a pile of blankets on it. She would rather spend the night holding Derek's hand, but she knew she needed some real sleep. With a small sigh she stood up from the reclining chair, leaning over and giving Derek a kiss on his forehead before flipping out of her shoes and making up a bed for herself on the couch, positioning herself so she could lay on her side and watch him.

Meredith swore she wasn't tired, but the next thing she knew she was jolted out of her sleep to the sound of several alarms going off, and nurses rushing into the room.

Derek was coding.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading my new fic! If you haven't yet, read the last chapter of Seasons of Love :) Chapters for this may not be posted as quick as they were for Seasons as Love as they're so much more in depth and I have a full time job and I'm taking 3 classes for winter semester at school, and four for spring semester :O But I love writing and I have so much to do with this story! Read and review please! Also, I'm so sorry for all the confusion! I realized I hadn't edited the original document, then I realized it wasn't the finished document, so I just decided to post it as a brand new story. So sorry! This is the final story, follow and review this one :)**


	2. My Paper Heart

Meredith was in panic mode. She knew what to do, or at least Dr. Meredith Grey knew what to do. Right now she was Mrs. Meredith Shepherd and she sat frozen on the couch, unable to breathe, unable to do anything but feel the tears running down her face. They had to get him back, they just had to. She couldn't live in a world without Derek. No one seemed to notice that she was there, hysterically sobbing, as they put the back of his bed all the way down, pushing EPI and shocking his heart several times. Eventually several doctors rushed in, and much to her disgust, April grabbed her and pulled her out of the room. This only made her scream and sob louder, fighting against tiny April Kepner. "No April!" she yelled, fighting tooth and nail. "I have to get back in there, I have to be with him, he needs me!" she yelled, pushing against the other doctor. Kepner, for what it was worth, was strong enough from her grueling months in the Middle Eastt, and was able to keep Meredith contained until she forced her into a chair.

"No, Meredith," she said, pressing down hard on her shoulders. "You cannot be in there right now. You are not the doctor, you are the patient's husband and they're trying to stabilize him. Derek needs you to calm down and stay outside here, he needs you to be strong," she told the woman, who was still sobbing loudly but had ceased her screaming fit. April peaked into the room and could tell that they had gotten Derek back, thankfully, but she knew Meredith wasn't ready to go back in that room. The nurses were still bustling around and Owen was giving orders. "He's okay, Meredith, they got him," she informed her, and Meredith looked up tearfully, not even bothering to wipe at her eyes at this point. Her hard exterior from the past 40 hours had finally broken. She was at her limit. Her husband almost died in a car accident, coded several times at the hospital, and coded right in front of her. There was only so much she cold handle, especially with the pregnancy hormones flooding through her body.

All at once she could feel nausea surging through her, and she tried to make her way to the bathroom down the hall, instead puking in a trashcan at the nurses station. Great. Now there would be rumors about her throwing up. Hopefully everyone would blame it on stress and go easy on her.

* * *

Meredith spent an hour in the hallway, pacing back and forth, trying to work up the courage to go back into Derek's room. She was terrified he'd code in front of her again, and she wouldn't be able to handle it. She knew very well that she'd been dead in his arms before, and suddenly she knew what he had gone through when she'd drowned. Taking a deep breath, she slowly entered the tiny ICU room once again. Owen was still in there, adjusting dosages and checking vitals, making changes in Derek's chart. Meredith simply stood in the doorway and watched, chewing on her lips. This journey that Derek was on was going to be long and hard, but she knew that the ultimate prize – his life – was going to be worth it when he was finished with his recovery.

After standing in the doorway for a few minutes she dragged herself to the chair at his bedside, taking his hand again and trying to hold back tears. He was still intubated, and still in a medically induced coma. Part of her wanted to just ask Owen when they could back off the sedation, but another part of her, the wife part, was too afraid of the answer. It could be hours, days, or weeks. His injuries were extensive and critical, she knew, but he had also passed the 24 hour mark, which was good. It was great, even, despite the coding. "Derek Shepherd, don't you scare me like that again," she said in a low whisper, brushing some of his hair off his forehead. Owen looked down at her and caught her attention.

"Meredith…tomorrow we want to try and back off a little bit on the sedation and see how he handles it. He might start to wake up, or he might not, we won't know until we try. And if he does wake up, we'll be able to figure out the full scale of his injuries and assess his amount of pain." Meredith merely nodded, knowing all of this already but at the same time it was soothing to her frazzled brain. Derek might wake up tomorrow. Or he might not. He might need even less sedation to wake up. But he still might wake up. She looked back to Derek, tears forming in her eyes as she pressed her lips together. "Thank you," she managed to force out, giving Hunt a strained smile. He left the room and Meredith, her hand still in Derek's, simply lay her head down on the bed again. Screw the couch. However uncomfortable this position was, she was not leaving his side again.

* * *

Amelia Shepherd was hardcore. She was a hardcore brain surgeon. That was, until, nearly two days ago, when her big brother almost died of a brain bleed. She knew she could've done a better job than those idiots at Dillard, and she hated the 'no operating on family' rule. She thought it was a piece of shit, frankly, since she was one of the top ten in her field, been published numerous times, and much like her brother, was well-known for operating on unoperable tumors and bleeds. But today, she wasn't Dr. Amelia Shepherd. Today she was just Amy, slunking through the halls of Grey-Sloan with her mother, bringing food to Derek's ICU room to nourish Meredith, who was going through hell. Not that they all weren't going through hell, but she knew Meredith was taking it the worst, considering they'd been fighting so much lately. When she and Carolyn reached his room, Meredith was nowhere in sight…although she heard retching sounds in the bathroom. Amelia had enough sisters to guess what it meant but she kept quiet as Meredith stepped out of the bathroom, slipping back into her seat beside Derek's bed, looking pale and clammy, and definitely worse for wear.

"You okay Mere?" Amy questioned, a knowing look on her face, and Meredith shot her a death glare, offering Carolyn a sweet smile. Carolyn in turn had enough daughters and grandchildren to know what was going on, but instead gently held out a cold bottle of water, and a small bottle of orange juice. "Drink," she instructed in a motherly turn. "You'll thank me for it later" she promised, taking a seat on the other side of the bed. Amy plopped onto the couch, reading all of Derek's screens and the vitals that had been written on the board. His stats had gone up overnight and he seemed more stable, which was great. "He coded last night," Meredith said hoarsely, trying not to cry. Every time she thought about it it became hard to breathe, and tears would pool in her eyes. She was surging with hormones and pain; she hadn't seen her kids in a day and a half. She was like a ticking time bomb. Amy looked slightly alarmed by this, sitting up straighter. "Mere…they got him back, his vitals are so much better since he coded," she soothed her sister-in-law, walking to the other side of the room and pulling up a chair next to her, wrapping her arms around her. Meredith just wanted to fall asleep and wake up when this nightmare was over, or wake up and have it never have happened. Looking at Derek in the bed, he seemed so small, it was like a different person. The Derek she had last seen, the last remaining memory she had of a healthy Derek, was him laughing, kissing her goodbye, rubbing her belly and hoping they had made a baby, promising her he'd be home the next day after going to DC to clean out his office. Well. One thing happened. They'd made the baby.

* * *

A few hours passed with idle chatter between the women before Hunt came in, a small smile on his face. "Good news, Shepherds," he said, and the three women visibly perked up. "Derek seems to have done a complete 360 since coding last night, and it's been about 16 hours since then, so we've decided to back off the sedation so hopefully he'll wake up in a few hours and we can correctly assess his injuries and pain. He's going to be in a lot of pain so don't hesitate to page us if he needs more than button is giving him," he nodded to the machine that was hooked up to dilaudid with a button. "He has that on top of hourly injections through his IV, but still, his injuries are extensive so don't hesitate," he assured them as he disconnected one of the drips, taking him off the sedation. "In a few minutes one of the nurses will be in to extubate him so that he'll be breathing on his own as well as he starts to wake up, so he won't have to wake up with the tube down his throat. I also want to get another head CT and an MRI later on to just double check everything but we're confident he's fine." Meredith clutched her arms to her chest, her eyes shining with tears. Today was the third day after the accident and they were backing off on things. She couldn't be happier about his. "Owen…thank you so much," she offered, it was the best she could do after having about four hours of sleep in 72 hours, on top of being pregnant and trying desperately to hide it. Carolyn passed her another bottle of water and she sighed; the woman was doing a pretty good job of taking care of her, even if food wasn't staying down well. Mid-gulp, Carolyn decided to leap. "So…how far along are you Meredith?". She choked on the water, spitting it everywhere, clapping a hand to her mouth. "I…um…uh….' She stuttered, biting on her lip. "Oh come on, I have 16 grandchildren, I know when one of mine is pregnant. You're what, 6? 7 weeks?" Meredith racked her brain, trying to calculate, before offering a small smile. "I think around 6. I haven't seen a doctor yet…I was planning on it, and then the accident happened, and everything is about Derek right now, I can't see our baby for the first time without Derek….I mean I guess when he wakes up I could be here with a picture for him…I just don't know," she said with a sigh, resting a hand on her stomach. Her jeans were already tight on her; she knew from Derek's sisters that you grew more with subsequent pregnancies but she hardly imagined that she'd need bigger jeans or maternity clothes at 6 weeks. She'd opted to run around in yoga pants or leggings and hope that no one noticed. The two women stared at her and Amelia poked her really hard. "Mere, go to OB and see if they have any appointments so that this idiot can have at least some good news when he wakes up in a few hours," she insisted, rolling her eyes slightly. Meredith looked at Carolyn, who was nodding in encouragement, shoving a bottle of apple juice and a dry bagel at her. "Go, we're here for him, we'll page you if anything changes," she insisted. Meredith sighed but stood up and stretched, wrinkling her nose. "You Shepherds," she laughed, shaking her head in disgust. "Hey, you're a Shepherd too," Amy reminded her as Meredith left the room, heading towards OB as fast as her tired body could take her.

* * *

Luckily OB had an opening 15 minutes from when Meredith had arrived, and soon she was in the stirrups, waiting for a pelvic and the trans vaginal ultrasound. Half the bagel had been eaten, and subsequently thrown up, but the apple juice stayed down. She was franticly checking her iPhone every 30 seconds until Dr. Ryan stepped into the room. "Good morning Dr. Grey! I'm pleased to see you back with me," the doctor cheerily said. Meredith offered a small, tired smile and a hoarse hello. She wished she could match the doctors cheery demeanor but it just wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Not until Derek was out of the woods, at home, healthy. Any and all of those. Dr. Ryan asked her her symptoms, marking them down on her chart, before doing the pelvic exam and the ultrasound. She turned the screen towards Meredith with a smile. "Right there is your baby, you're about 7 weeks along, you're due March 20th give or take a few days, and here…is your baby's heartbeat." Meredith couldn't help but cry as the wonderful woosh woosh sound filled the room; it was the one thing in her life that was going right. "Where's Dr. Shepherd today?" Dr. Ryan asked brightly, and Meredith only cried harder as the doctor printed out a roll of photos pointing out the baby. "He…he's in a coma in the ICU. He was in a terrible car accident a few days ago. Can…can you get a dvd or something? Of the heartbeat? I want him to be able to hear something, he might wake up in a few hours," she managed to sputter out, tears rolling down her cheeks. The doctor quickly nodded and put together the dvd as Meredith was allowed to put her clothes back on. She was handed the dvd and the photos, and given a reassuring hug. "Derek is resilient, he'll be okay," Dr. Ryan said reassuringly, and Meredith gave a small smile, before heading back upstairs to the ICU.

She hadn't expected any changes in the past 45 minutes, and stood in the doorway a moment or two, taking a few deep breaths. Derek was still asleep, and she gathered herself together before striding in and taking her seat next to Derek, everything in her hands. "Has he changed since I've been gone?" she said, her focus on Derek, everything else secondary. "He's moved his hands and feet some but his eyes have stayed closed," Amelia answered. Meredith nodded, knowing that was great. It was improvement and it was great. She was hopeful that he would wake up in another hour or two and hopefully they'd start getting some more answers from there. Carolyn peeked over to Meredith, looking at the DVD and photos in her hands. "Mere, can we see?" she asked her, biting down on her lip, not wanting to push her too far. "Oh!" she answered, so lost in her own head that she completely forgot about the baby, feeling bad. She handed over the photos with a smile, watching as Carolyn looked at the tiny peanut that was her 17th grandchild. It was happiness in the time of sorrow, and she had to admit that it was nice to have something to be happy about. "I can't wait for him to wake up and tell him. And show him. I mean, after everything is checked out and Owen and everyone come in and he's settled down some," Meredith rambled, biting on her lip. She was trying to be upbeat while still being incredibly worried, and she was coming off all over the place. "I'm sorry," she apologized, waving her hands in from of her face, the photos and DVD on the bed, tears forming in her eyes. Amelia offered another hug and Carolyn patted her hand lovingly, the two of them understanding. "It's all just so much, the accident, Derek, the baby, I don't even know how I'm functioning right now." "I don't know how you are either Mere, you haven't slept. Why don't you try and sleep? We'll wake you when Derek wakes up and not a moment sooner," Amy promised, trying to get Meredith to stand up and over to the couch. Meredith wanted so badly to fight but she couldn't anymore, and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was out.

* * *

It felt like hours later that Amelia was shaking her awake, and the tiny ICU room came into focus. "Mere!" she said, her voice having a pitch of excitement to it. "His eyes are fluttering!" That got her off the couch quickly. She threw back the blankets and rushed to his bedside in a flash. His hands were moving, trying to flex – the broken arm was trying to figure out what to do in the cast – and his feet were moving. His eyelids were fluttering, trying to focus on something in the room and Meredith was biting her lip so hard she tasted blood. This was it, this was the moment they'd been waiting for the past three and a half days. "Derek," Meredith said urgently, wrapping her hand around his non-broken one, giving it a tight squeeze. His mouth opened and closed a few times and she knew it must be dry so she looked around, spotting a pitcher and an empty cup with a straw, pouring him a cup of water. "Say something, anything," she begged, tears filling her eyes again. "O-o-ouch…" he managed, his piercing blue eyes flickering open for a second, before closing again. He tried to open them again, looking at Meredith, squeezing her hand back. Meredith smiled before bursting into tears, happy tears. He was awake, and responding so far. Two good things. Two good things to add to her list of a good OB appointment today. His eyes then focused on Amelia, and then his mother, before returning back to Meredith. "M-m-mere.." he stuttered out, and Meredith couldn't stop the tears. "Page Owen,' she said to Amelia, knowing that his ability to process words at the moment wasn't a huge deal, as he was still foggy and waking up from the sedation. "Derek, I love you, I'm so glad you made it," she whispered to him, her hand gripping his tightly in a death grip, not wanting to let go in case he might slip away from her again. "Are you in pain? Where does it hurt? Are you thirsty?" the questions rapidly slipped out of her, forgetting that he couldn't answer quickly, ever the caring wife. "Oh! Squeeze once for yes and twice for no," she told him, knowing that was easier. One squeeze for pain. Yes or no didn't work for where. Another squeeze for thirst. "Owen will be here soon and they'll get you something for pain but until then I can do this," she said, reaching for the pain pump and pressing the button. Next she reached for the cup of water and held the straw to his lips, watching him take a few sips with a smile. "Good job, Der," she smiled, sitting down in her chair again, continuing her hold on his hand.

Owen walked in a few minutes later with a smile. "Hey there Derek," he grinned. Derek was able to nod slightly at his presence and Meredith smiled. "We're getting by mostly with hand squeezes, one for yes and two for no. He can talk but it's still foggy, his brain is still foggy but I know that's normal. He said he's in pain, I told him you could do something for that. He seems to be….okay, Owen," Meredith said, almost too hopeful, her eyes shining with tears. Owen busied himself by checking medication orders as a nurse came in, checking Derek's vitals. Derek wandered in and out of consciousness once more pain medication was administered but he was still there, constantly squeezing Meredith's hand to let her know that he was still there, he was still alive, and he wasn't going anywhere at the moment.

Meredith found that her breathing was slowing down to a normal rate and her tears had stopped. Derek was here. Derek was breathing on his own, he was awake more or less. She looked at the monitors. Good breath sounds, oxygen was being administered as a precaution really, good blood pressure. No post-op fever. At the moment this was the best they could hope for. Somehow their terrible luck in the past few years, hell, the past few days, had turned, and it looked like Derek was going to start getting better. Out of every possible outcome that Derek could have taken, this was the best one that life had thrown at him. Meredith wanted to tell him about the baby and show off the photos in her lap, but she knew it would be a few days before he was alert enough to process it. She could wait; right now she was thanking whatever being existed that she had a husband and he was going to be okay. It might take weeks or months, but he was going to be okay.

She found herself relaxing more and more, and finally Amelia and Carolyn left for the evening, leaving Meredith to have her nightly vigil over Derek. No one was about to try to convince her otherwise to go home, or at least go sleep in an on-call room. Pregnant or no, Meredith was sleeping on the tiny, uncomfortable couch. She at least had agreed to let the Shepherd women to fetch her food, so she was sitting by Derek's bedside reading a book when Carolyn returned with a burger, fries, and soda for her, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, before leaving for their house with the kids. Meredith silently ate the food, counting down the time before it came back up. It took about an hour and when it did, it came back up with a vengeance. She spent another hour in the bathroom before she felt safe to stand back up and head back into the room, taking her time to get back into her uncomfortable seat.


	3. Reunited

By the time she was settled down Derek had come to and was gazing at her with a slight smile. He was still in a haze from the drugs but he had heard everything. "So Mere," he managed to get out, his eyes slightly glazed over. She jumped at the sound of his voice, surprise all over face. "Derek!" she cried out, wanting to be gentle but at the same time wanting to kiss him everywhere she could. "You're awake! And aware! When did this happen?" she asked, her eyes shining. "Oh, just around the time you started emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet," he sassed her, and she blushed deeply. "How far?" he asked. It hurt to talk so much, but he had so many questions, and she had all the answers. She looked down at her lap and bit her lip for a moment, before looking back up. "Around seven weeks. I was going to wait longer to tell you, until you were more stable, but apparently the force of my vomiting was enough to wake you up from your lovely drug induced sleep," she smirked slightly, kissing the back of his hand. "We're going to have another baby, and hopefully you'll be better by the time he or she arrives," she said proudly, sitting up straight. She knew she was giving him everything and anything he could have ever wanted.

He took a deep breath; his breath hitched every time he breathed, and he knew he must've had a cardiac injury, otherwise it wouldn't pain him to talk and breathe, but he had to know more about the baby, and more about what had happened to him. "When are you due Mer?" he asked, smiling a bit. "March 20th. First day of spring. Like Seattle has spring, but you know," she rambled, touching her stomach. Despite his current state, he was thrilled. He was proud. He had to push on, though. Taking another sharp breath, he asked the inevitable. "What happened to me? I remember…there was a car accident."

Meredith knew it was coming. She had known it was coming for four days but nothing truly prepared herself. She had imagined Amelia and Carolyn would have been in the room with her, but she was alone. "There were two accidents, Derek. You saved four people from the first one, you weren't involved. The second one….you were t-boned by an 18 wheeler. They brought you to this…horrible hospital. It was literally on the other side of the city, I'd never heard of it before. They didn't even have a trauma center. They actually debated whether to give you a head CT despite the fact that you had an obvious head wound, the freaking idiots!" she breathed, shaking her head. "You had a brain bleed. Chest wound. Abdominal wounds. Broken hand and forearm. Broken foot and leg. They had you under heavy sedation in a medically induced coma until this afternoon. You don't have any continuing head traumas however. Maggie had to do a cardiac repair, she said you'd be in pain for a bit and on oxygen for a bit but you'll heal properly. Callie says the bones will heal properly as well." Once she told him the extent of his injuries she burst into tears. She was a doctor; she knew well enough that the injuries could very well have killed him, and he survived. He was a fighter, he was her fighter. "Derek, I couldn't have lived if you have died," she sobbed, her tears splashing on his hand. "I don't know how to live in a world without you in it anymore," she confessed. Last week she had told him she would be able to give him up and now she was in full meltdown mode over how close she had been to losing him. "Mere…it's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he promised her, lifting his hand as much as he could to cup her face, caressing her cheek as he smiled. "I'm in a hell of a lot of pain and it's going to be an awful recovery but I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me. Forever. I'm deeply sorry about that," he joked, and she rolled her eyes. "Derek Christopher Shepherd you don't get to almost die and then joke!" she scolded, her tears starting up again. She was just a hormonal mess.

"Mer we should talk about things," he said seriously," wheezing a little as he managed to get the words out. Meredith snapped her head out, raising an eyebrow. "What do we have to talk about?" She said, leaning in a bit and biting on her lip, not really prepared for what he had to say. "I…I think we should talk about our will." Meredith's face crumpled and she felt like she was going to cry again. She didn't want to think or talk about this but at the same time…they were going to have three kids, and crazy things tended to happen to them. This was just the latest in a series of one in a million things that had happened in their life and she sighed. "Derek, do we have to do this now?" she said, biting down on her lip and looking at him, her thumb gently caressing the back of his good hand. Derek took in a breath, his eyes twinkling as he watched her, watched as she drew back inside herself, visibly upset and worried by his words. "Mere, I don't plan on going anywhere, I'm just saying…what if? I almost died a few days ago and what would have happened?"

There was a sharp intake of breath on Meredith's end and she sat up straighter. She preferred not to think about the past few days; she was more focused on the days ahead, on Derek's recovery, on the rest of the summer, on the baby growing in her uterus. She didn't want to think about their will's, on power of attorney, on using extraordinary measures to keep the other alive should something happen. But on some end, she knew it needed to happen. Lexie had died in front of her, and Mark had died soon after. They both knew that life was short and could be cut even shorter. That's unfortunately what the life of a doctor had instilled in both of them. Sighing again, she pulled out a notebook and a pen from her bag, uncapping her pen and biting her lip.

"Well," she started, brushing her hair out of her face. "Bailey and Zola have their trust funds, and I assume we'll set one up for this one," she said, patting her belly a bit, which wasn't quite a bump but it wasn't quite flat. She then listed any properties they owned; their dream house, her mothers house, and well, part of the hospital. "Who should be Bailey and Zola's guardian?" she asked, looking up at him. "Maggie," he said without hesitation. Meredith was wondering if he would choose one of his own sisters, if he would choose Amelia, but she had to smile when he chose her sister. "Maggie would be honored," she sad as an afterthought, scribbling down the name. _Margaret Piece_ she wrote neatly, next to where she had written _Guardian_ , chewing on her lip. She hated that they were even doing this right now, but they had a point. Bad things happened to them. He almost died a few days ago, and where would she have been then? A widow with three children. "Maggie can get the kids and handle everything they would inheirit," she said dully, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. There wasn't much else to put in; division of property and assets was pretty straight foreward. After writing down everything Derek wanted, Meredith drew up a similar one fore herself, before tucking everything back into her back. "Let's talk about something a bit lighter. Like how your scans came back clear, and the baby is healthy, and Hunt said I can bring you come as soon as you're able to walk to the end of the hall and back on your crutches," she smiled, squeezing his hand. She knew that was a few days away. He had just woken up today, but Hunt and Maggie were optimistic.

"Come here," he said with a smile, and Meredith leaned closer as he pulled her in for a kiss. She couldn't help but smile, brushing his hair back. The bandage was off his head finally and he was healing. He was still in loads of pain and it was almost time for more pain medication, but later today they were going to move him to a regular room and out of the ICU. Things were going great and she couldn't be happier about things. Once he was in a step down room, she was going to bring Zola and Bailey to see him, "Zozo and Bails have been asking for you," she smiled, sitting back in her chair. She could sit here forever if it meant Derek was going to be okay. "I promised them that we could get food from the cafeteria and they could eat with you tonight, they're very excited," she laughed, her eyes sparkling slightly. She had gone down to the daycare for a few minutes finally, and Zola and Bailey had been so excited to see their mom. They'd climbed all over her and begged her to see Derek, and she'd had to tell them that he was sick but they could see him soon. Apparently they'd been begging both Maggie and Amelia every day to see Meredith and Derek, and were thrilled they finally could. Meredith felt like a horrible mother for not seeing the kids for a few days, but her mind had been on one track, and that had been watching over Derek and making sure he was okay.

* * *

Four days. It had taken Derek four days to be completely out of the woods. He was still in severe pain, he needed to be able to sit at the edge of the bed to move to a step-down floor, but he was alive. He was alive, and that's all Meredith was concerned about, as Amelia forced her into the tiny shower in the ICU bathroom. It had apparently been four days since she'd showered and changed her clothes, and Amelia had informed her she was starting to smell. Grumbling, she showered in the smallest shower in the world, raking her lavender shampoo and conditioner through her hair, washing her body, attempting to shave. Once she was finished she pulled on a clean pair of yoga pants and her cozy Dartmouth shirt with a pair of Uggs, throwing her wet hair up into a bun before returning to Derek's bedside. He had ended up falling asleep from the pain medication and she was quietly content with a book while he slept, Carolyn lying on the couch and Amelia on the other side of the bed reading a Neurosurgery journal. All three women were content and relaxed, knowing that the worst was over, hopefully. Derek was stable, his stats were great. When he woke up they would try to get him to sit on the edge of the bed. Meredith was nervous about that, what with his broken leg and foot, but she was confident. They were a family of fighters, if the accident had taught them anything at all.

They sat like that for several hours before Derek stirred and Meredith smiled as his eyes focused on her. "Mere," he said sleepily, reaching for her hand. She marked her page and put her book down, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. She was absolutely exhausted and needed a night of sleep, but she refused to leave him alone. He just woke up this morning, and it had only been four days. Four days since their lives changed, but to Meredith it was a turning point. Only five days ago she told him she could give him up. Four days ago she realized she never could. He was stuck with her forever. "Hey you," she said, leaning in and giving him a kiss, before paging a nurse. He was going to have to try sitting up now so that they could get him into a regular room, but first they were going to have to pull the chest tubes that were plaguing him, out. After a few minutes the nurse bustled in with a smile. "Dr. Shepherd! You're awake. Let me get Dr. Hunt up here so we can get the chest tubes out, you're more than due to get them out," she said, quickly sending Owen a page. "You're going to want more medication for this, it's going to hurt a lot," she said, leaving the room and coming back in with more dilauid. "It's going to make you tired again but you're going to want it, I'm sure as a doctor you know," she said with a small shrug. Owen strode into the room and Meredith perked up. Usually the presence of Owen brought bad news to patients, but this time it had always been nothing but good for Derek.

"Alright, we're going to get these chest tubes out, and then let you rest a bit, get rid of the pain, then we're going to try and get you in a sitting position, you've been sitting up all day so sitting on the edge of the bed is the next step," he said with a smile. Meredith nodded along, knowing the drill from having done this with thousands of patients. The nurse opened a kit in order to pull out the chest tubes and Derek breathed in sharply, knowing what was going to happen. Meredith took his hand again, knowing that while he was drugged, it was still going to hurt. "Okay Derek, you're going to feel a lot of pressure and pain while I do this, there's four in there, just keep taking deep breaths okay?". Meredith could tell when the first one came out; he gripped her hand hard and clenched his teeth. The second one wasn't as bad, the last two less and less, and then they were done, patched up with gauze while they healed. Derek had already drifted off back to sleep, with Meredith's head leaning against one of the siderails. The last time she had spent this much time in the hospital was the race for chief resident, or maybe back when they'd had the contest for the sparkle pager. Both seemed like a lifetime ago at this point. Both events involved people that were long gone from the program and the hospital. She sighed and closed her eyes, needing sleep.

* * *

The next time she woke up was a few hours later. Carolyn was gone, probably downstairs to get the kids, and Amelia had left a note that she had a 911 to attend to. Mere lifted her head to find Derek staring back at her. "Hey," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "Hey," he repeated, reaching out to touch her hair with a smile. "How's it feel where they pulled the tubes?" she asked, stretching her arms out above her, sore and stiff from sleeping in a chair for four days. "Better now that they're gone. Sore from where they pulled them. But better, generally," he spoke. It still hurt to speak, it still pulled at his chest and heart, but that's what the drugs were for, that was why Meredith refused to leave his side. She wasn't going to miss any minute of anything that was going on with him. Any pain, any tug, any wince, she was going to be there for it. "Good," she said, offering a smile. She knew he was holding back on how much pain he was actually in, but she was willing to offer up a free pass considering he had almost died a few days ago. "Mom is getting the kids I think, and I know Owen wanted to get you sitting," she said with a sigh, before continuing, "So I figured I'd page him and get the nurse," she said, pressing the button for the nurse and sending a quick page out to Owen.

Owen and the nurse arrived relatively at the same time and Meredith jumped up, pushing her chair back from the bed. "We're eager to get out of the ICU," she explained, blushing a bit. Derek was tired but he, too, was eager to get out of the ICU. At least in a normal patient room he wouldn't be treated like he was made of glass. Owen nodded as the nurse gently raised the back of the bed so that Derek was completely upright. "Okay, here's how we're going to do this. We're going to move Derek completely to the edge of the bed, and have him sit there for at least five seconds, and then he can relax back into the bed. That's all it is, five seconds. And I know it's going to be the worst five seconds of your life right now, but tomorrow it's going to be standing up. And the next day will be walking to the bathroom, then walking to the door. Then the nurses station, then the end of the hall, and then you can go home." Meredith took a deep breath. It seemed like a lot when you were on this side of the red line, when you were the spouse and not the surgeon. Derek looked ready though, and with the help of both Meredith and the nurse, in a few minutes he was sitting on the side of the bed, one foot touching the floor, the casted one dangling a few centimeters. Meredith held onto his hands as the nurse timed him; he somewhat looked like he was going to pass out but she gave his hands a tight squeeze, leaning foreward and kissing his lips. "You've got this Der," she whispered, as the five seconds were up and he was able to move back into a half-sitting up position. Meredith was proud and Owen signed off on moving him to a regular med—surge floor.

The transfer was taking forever to go through, something about a back up of patients, but Meredith and Derek didn't mind. Carolyn arrived about an hour after Derek successfully sat up with Zola and Bailey and dinner for the two kids; she had also grabbed a sandwich and some water for Meredith. She smiled at her mother in law gratefully as Zola climbed into her lap.

"Daddy!" she sang out, excited to see him finally. Fortunately he was looking a lot better than he had when he arrived in the hospital. "I missed you so much Daddy! Mommy, can I sit with him?" Meredith laughed and nodded as Zola carefully climbed on the bed, her shoes forgotten on the floor and her food forgotten with her grandma. Bailey was wiggling in Carolyn's lap and Meredith laughed. "Yes, Bailey-boo, you can get in bed with Daddy, but both of you be gentle, no pulling on anything and if Daddy says stop you're in mine or Nana's laps, okay?" she said, setting some ground rules as she unwrapped her sandwich. Just plain turkey, no cheese, with a bit of mayo, should be tame on her stomach which seemed to want to empty everything it had in it, even water. She had been like this with Bailey, almost, although this seemed to be worse. It was almost like this baby had a vendetta against her stomach.

* * *

Finally Derek was transferred into a room, a nice, large, airy room on the third floor right near the nurses station (which Meredith had insisted upon) with another couch, this one larger than the one in the ICU. He had had more medication so he was tired, and Meredith was still by his bedside, despite her eyes wanting to fall shut. It was 7PM and the nurses were busy taking his vitals, hooking him back up to the machines, and grabbing blankets and pillows so she could sleep on the couch, but for now she was at his bedside. He opened his eyes for a moment and took her hand with a smile, sitting up so he could kiss her. "Mere, go to bed, you've been awake for days," he said, before falling back to sleep. Meredith finally listened to him and reluctantly left his side, although she was only going three feet away to the couch. Kicking off her shoes, she climbed under the covers and shut her eyes, instantly falling asleep. Today had been a good day, full of good vibes and recovery, and she was eager for the rest to happen.

* * *

 **Patsy: I think your reviews aren't posting right away because you aren't logged in Most peoples reviews are posting right away!**

 **Thank you to everyone who's left reviews so far! I love that everyone is so eager for me to update! I'm writing longer chapters than I was for Seasons of Love so it takes longer for me to crank out updates. Also I've had a rough few days with work and coworkers (grrrrr) plus my winter semester just started today and I have three classes because I'm a nut haha. But I am DEFINITELY not ditching this story, ever! I also have no idea how long it's going to be. I figure I'll write it until I have no inspiration.**

 **I also want to do a college AU story but I'm not sure if I should start it now or what! Thoughts?**


	4. Oh, it is Love

The next few days passed by in a blur of routine. Be woken up by everyone doing rounds, have breakfast, Meredith would then have a marathon of morning sickness much to Derek's chagrin. The nurse would administer Derek's medication, and by that time the pair were ready for a nap together in Derek's bed. They'd be awoken in an hour by Carolyn, Bailey, and Zola, who were excited to see their parents; once the trio was gone they fell back asleep usually until around 11. 11 was when the nurse liked to try to get Derek up. Meredith hated 11 o'clock because she felt Derek wasn't ready, while Derek would claim he was. She knew he was forcing himself because he hated it here and he wanted to get the hell out of the hospital. She couldn't blame him for that in the slightest; they'd been there a week now and she was going crazy. Yet she knew she'd this do over and over for him.

So far Derek had been able to get up to the bathroom and back and bed several times since he'd been moved to a real room, which meant that the catheter had come out, which equaled even less pain for him. Owen had decided to back off the pain medication a bit to see how Derek was tolerating it. He was still in a great deal of pain, but he was somewhat grateful tat he could feel the pain now. Feeling the pain rather just knowing it was there was better than nothing. But today he was supposed to walk out of the room to the nurses station with nothing but Meredith and his IV pole.

* * *

The time had come for Derek to walk to the nurses station on his crutches and Meredith sighed as he swung his legs slowly around to the other side of the bed to a sitting position. Sitting had become much easier in the past few days, as had standing and walking to the bathroom with assistance from Meredith and the crutches, but now he had to do it with just the crutches, which were a pain in the ass in his opinion. Standing up, Meredith handed him the crutches and then backed away as he slowly made his way to the door, pain evident in his face but she knew he would never voice a complaint, and she knew she wasn't allowed to interfere. Derek made it to the door and paused, out of breath and exhausted just from getting to the door but he knew he had to do this. "You're so close Derek," she urged, moving closer to the door in case he fell, despite the nurse on his other side. She would never forgive herself if he fell and hit his head now, after everything he had overcome in the past week and a half. Grunting, he soldiered on taking those last few steps to the nurse's station that was about ten feet from the door of his room. Meredith couldn't help but smile, rushing to his side and giving him a kiss. "I'm proud of you," she murmured, rubbing his arm gently. "Come on, let's go back to the room and then you can rest," she smiled, as he began his journey back into the room. Once he was there, Mere helped the nurse get him back in bed, and another nurse came in with his next dose of pain medication. It had been decreased by a lot, but was still making him fall asleep, which she didn't mind. He was healing and every day he was improving by leaps and bounds. He just needed to make it to the end of the hallway and Meredith could take him home where he would be much more comfortable and be able to get so much more rest than in the hospital, with doctors and nurses coming in every hour or too. But for now, the pair were left alone and Meredith climbed into the narrow hospital bed with Derek, quickly drifting off to sleep with her head on his chest, careful to avoid any of his sutures.

* * *

Meredith and Derek slept like that for hours without disturbance. It wasn't like the ICU, where everyone was rushing in and out every hour to check things. The step-down room was on a quiet floor and Meredith was thankful that they were able to have some peace and quiet for the first time in nearly two weeks. Upon waking, Meredith checked her phone and was shocked to find out they had been out for five hours. Either they had been able to sleep through nurses rushing in and out, or they actually hadn't been disturbed. Either way, she was happy. Stretching out a bit she could feel him stirring beside her, his eyes flickering open. "Hey you," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows. Derek could only smith, brushing her hair back from her eyes. "Better now that I'm well enough to sneak naps with you," he laughed and she scrunched her nose up. It sucked that he was still in the hospital; he had been for two and a half weeks now, but at least he was progressing and not falling behind in his recovery. He still had a few more weeks with the casts on his arm and leg; they were both on the left side, but he could deal with the crutches and Meredith helping him do things until he was fully healed. He hated not being able to hold both of his children, and put both of his hands on Meredith's ever-growing bump – he swore it grew every day, over night even – but he knew when the casts came off and he had full use of the left side of his body, he was never taking his hands off the bump, and Zola and Bailey were only being put down to eat and go to bed. He had more time off from work to go to physical therapy and he planned on spending it with his kids. Zola was starting kindergarten in September and he wanted to soak up the last few slips of her being a baby. They were both growing up much too fast; Bailey was going to be three in October and Zola was already five. The new baby would bring chaos and yet somewhat of a balance to the house again, with a screaming baby, a babbling toddler, and a 5 year old going on 15. He couldn't help but smile and look down at Meredith, her bump curling against him, her eyes fluttering shut again as she snuggled back up to him. Besides being stuck in the hospital a bit longer from an accident that nearly killed him, he had to say he was pretty pleased with his life.

* * *

A week later Bailey stood in the hospital room, signing off on Derek's discharge papers. Meredith had pulled the car around downstairs and was waiting for the nurse to bring him down in the wheelchair. His mother was at home with both of the kids and Amelia would be home later; tomorrow they were throwing a party to celebrate his remarkable recovery and everyone from the hospital was coming, as usual. Meredith even had extended invites to the wonderful nurses who had taken care of Derek during his three and a half week stay.

Once he appeared in the wheelchair by the car, she hopped out of the drivers seat, more than willing to get him in the car and comfortable. Pillows had been brought for his arm and leg, and a blanket just in case. After moving Derek from the wheelchair to the car, Meredith rushed at the nurse with a huge hug, before breaking away and climbing back into the car. "You ready? Are you comfortable?" she asked, before Derek looked at her and laugh. "I'm fine, just drive Mere, I want to get home to Mom and the kids, and real food, and our bed, and our house," he said with a grin. She started the car and headed home, taking the way so they could bypass the ferry even if it took a bit longer, and in a little under an house she was parking in front of their garage. Carolyn walked outside with Zola and Bailey running out after her, and Meredith ran to the other side of the car so she and Carolyn could help Derek out. Of course, he was stubborn and would only let Meredith barely help him, relying on the crutches to get him inside and onto the couch, before allowing Zola and Bailey to climb all over him. Zola was more concerned with why his casts were so bare. "Daddy, Lily at school had a cast on her arm and we got to draw on it and write on it, can Bails and I write on yours?" Derek looked wearily at his mother and wife, mouthing 'save me' before looking back to his daughter. "Maybe later, Zo, I just want to snuggle with you and your brother right now," he smiled as he pulled both kids closer to him.

Meredith watched the trio for a few minutes with a smile on her face while Carolyn busied herself bringing things in from the car. The last time Meredith had been in the house was almost a month ago, she realized, that night the police came to the door to inform her of the accident. Carolyn must've cleaned, because the house looked much nicer than it had that night and finally she tore herself away and sought out her mother in law. "Thank you," she said quietly, wrapping her arms around her mother in law, letting the Shepherd matriarch comfort her. She'd been tough as nails for the past month, despite the raging hormones and her unpredictable stomach, and now she needed a chance to be a bit unstable. She refused to break down in front of Derek, but now in the small entry alcove she allowed herself to cry in Carolyn's arms, albeit quietly. "I've been so scared, it was terrifying, not knowing those first few days, and even then, I felt like he was going to slip away…" she breathed, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Now that he was okay, she could have her break down, she could afford to cry. Their kids had two parents who were alive, she could be selfish and cry. "I hate that I was so mad at him, it was so many months of fighting back and forth, and then suddenly he was going to quit, and then the next thing he was dying in the hospital and I was the worst wife ever, and a month later we're here," she bit her lip, wiping furiously at her eyes. "Meredith, you aren't the worst wife ever. You're human. Hell, when Derek told me what he was doing **I** was mad at him, I couldn't believe the man had chosen a job over his family. Then Amelia called me and told me he was half dead in the hospital…." Carolyn sighed, holding her daughter in law even closer. "You two have come out of this stronger than before. You've come out the other side. Life will move on. Derek is completely here now, and he will be once he recovers. You' two are having another baby, you know he'll want to be here all the time, and he'll hover over you and be insanely protective and spoil you and the baby and the other two. But the point is that you two made it. You made it through months of commuting back and forth coast to coast, and you made it through a month of hell in the hospital," she soothed her, smoothing her hair back before looking at her tear-stained face. "Derek loves you and he'll always come back to you," she promised. "Now go be with your family," she smiled, giving her a little shove towards the couch, where Derek was already wearing a tiara and having a tea party with his son and daughter.

* * *

The next day was their party for Derek, or really, the celebration for his homecoming. Carolyn had sworn to Meredith that she had a handle on things, and by the time she came downstairs at noon, she was amazed by how many different foods littered the countertops, and the delicious smells that filtered through the house. Derek was still in bed; she knew he needed time to relax in his own bed, but Bailey and Zola were watching The Little Mermaid. Meredith grabbed a muffin from a cooling rack and settled in under a blanket with the kids, whispering her favorite parts of the Disney film to them and singing along with the songs – she never knew these things as a child but being a thirty-something mother she made sure to know everything she would've needed to know to make her kids happy. Bailey leaned his head against her bump; she was 11 weeks now and soon they were having their 12 week ultrasound.

Laying around the house all day was nice, with Carolyn cooking and Amelia returning around 4…with a herd of sisters and nieces and nephews. Meredith handled everything with the ease of a weathered veteran, having spent endless summer vacations, Thanksgivings and Christmases with Derek's four sisters and all 14 of his nieces and nephews. Zola and Bailey charged right in and found their favorites among the younger set, while Meredith slipped away upstairs to see Derek. She poked her head in their dark bedroom and smiled when she noticed he was awake. "Hey sleepy, the vultures have arrived," she smirked, and she laughed as he winced. She stepped into the room and shut the door, sitting on the bed next to him, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "Come on, let's get you dressed. You know they're just happy you made it," she said softly, pressing a kiss to his lips, then two to his cheeks, then one to his lips.

He eased himself up and wrapped his good arm around her waist, pulling her closer. He so badly wanted to have sex with her, but the two casts prevented that. Just two more weeks and he would be okay, and hopefully his left hand would be at 100%. "Mmm Mere, I love you," he said softly, gently nuzzling up to her. She couldn't help but smile as she ran her fingers through his hair while a small sigh. "I love you too," she smiled, before frustrating him by standing up from the bed and grabbing him a pair of jeans and her favorite red button up. "Here, change into this, I'll help you if you need me," she mused, as she disappearing into her closet, picking out something summery. A slightly loose, peachy dress was procured, something that hid her bump, and she took off the old shirt and shorts she slept in, just as Derek caught her by the waist. "Look at you," he grinned, his good hand placed on her bump. She was showing so much earlier than she had with Bailey and he loved it. He placed a million kisses on her bump before he let her throw on her dress, slipping her feet into a pair of brown sandals. It was a warm July day with the sun shining, rare for Seattle, where it rained almost 365 days of the year. She stood in front of the mirror and ran a brush through her hair, doing something with some makeup. She wasn't a makeup person; really, it was only when she had to do something fancy for the hospital was when she bothered with it. Other than that she usually dabbed on chapstick and went through life. Today though she managed with some eyeliner and eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara, before turning around and helping Derek get his left leg into his jeans, and button up his shirt. "I have a hot wife," he smirked, and she rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Come on, the wolf pack is waiting," she teased him, handing him his crutches. Leaving the room wasn't a problem; the stairs weren't even too bad. It had taken him a couple of tries but he'd perfected a way to get up and down them.

When they reached the bottom, Meredith was grateful that he had designed the house with the stairs hidden away and not out in the open, because she knew they were going to be ambushed. When they made it to the living room, the wolves descended upon them and Meredith found it easy to smile and laugh with her sisters in law. It had taken awhile, but she loved the four women who shared her husband's hair and piercing blue eyes, not to mention her last name. They were as much a part of her family as Lexie had been, as much as Maggie was, as much as her friends at the hospital were. "Hey, let Derek sit down first before you bombard us," she laughed, Nancy hanging off her shoulders. The two women had grown close and even now, she could see the oldest sister staring down at Meredith's bump, which was slightly visible through her dress. Derek got himself to the couch and sat down, where Nancy, Lizzie, and Kathleen resumed fussing over him. Amelia and Meredith retreated to the kitchen and to Carolyn, to reflect on the sisters.

"How does Nancy do it? She has like, X-ray vision, like she can see into my uterus and see the baby swimming in there," she said, grabbing an apple and munching on it somewhat aggressively. "She just looked at me and I swear she just. She just knows," she said, scrunching up her nose. "And Lizzie always looks at me with remorse for the damn nerve I convinced her to donate, I'm pretty sure the only one who doesn't hate me is Kathleen. And you, obviously," she said with a small eyeroll as she turned back to the kitchen. "Your mother has been obsessively cooking since yesterday, is she okay?" Mere asked Amy. Amelia just shrugged. "She's nesting. Derek is hurt, you're pregnant, she wants to be helpful. I like it, her food is _so_ much better than the crap you make," she said with a smirk, before the women joined the sisters.

Two hours later, everyone from the hospital started trickling into the house. Introductions were being made, people were mingling, drinks were going around. Everyone was quick to notice that Meredith wasn't drinking, although no one said anything outloud. Nancy and Arizona both kept their eyes on the woman, who's hand kept making it's way to her stomach, and the way she wouldn't stop glowing and radiating happiness. Life had sucked for the past month but Derek and Meredith were happily moving forward. Derek was still stuck on the couch but Meredith couldn't help but bend over, whispering something in his ear and giggling. All eyes were on the happy pair, struck down by bad luck but enduring everything together. "Nancy definitely knows. Along with everyone else here," she giggled, and he kissed her on the lips. "Except at this point, I don't think I care if everyone knows, because I'm happy and you're happy, and we're having a baby," she sing-songed quietly to him, the grin on his lips unmistakable. They were having a baby and everything was perfect.

* * *

 **I'm so sorry this took me so long to write! I had some pretty bad writers block so it was written pretty slowly, and I have some things going on in my life, but I promise I will never, ever, abandon this fic, or any fic that I write in the future!**

 **PLEASE keep reviewing! I love waking up or coming home from work to new reviews! They make me so happy Suggestions make me happy too! Love all of you guys!**


	5. How You Get The Girl

Two weeks at home with Derek passed quickly. They spent quality time together with Zola and Bailey, and more importantly, with each other. Carolyn was there to take care of the kids, and Meredith and Derek worked hard on repairing what had slipped away in the past months and in no time they were back to normal. Finally the day came for Derek to get his casts removed, and they had scheduled Meredith's 12 week ultrasound for right after, which they were excited for.

Heading to the hospital, they stopped in ortho first, where Callie removed the casts and did x-rays on both the leg and arm. Luckily, the bones had healed in the past 6 weeks in both body parts, and Derek would regain full use of his hand after some physical therapy. In the meantime he was supposed to walk with a cane so that he could continue to give his leg some rest. He scoffed at it, not wanting to be an old man, but a warning look from Meredith shut him up. They slowly made their way to OB, where they were called back quickly and Meredith found herself once again in the stirrups, laying back somewhat relaxed. Dr. Ryan entered the room and smiled at the pair. "Derek! It's so good to see you up and about again, I'm so glad you're doing well," the doctor smiled at both of the Shepherds. Derek just smiled and nodded, taking hold of Meredith's hand as the gel was squirted on Meredith's little bump. In a few seconds, the woosh woosh of their baby's heartbeat filled the room and tears formed in Meredith's eye. Once upon a time, Meredith never wanted any of this. A husband, a family, children, a happily ever after. But now she couldn't picture anything else. Dr. Ryan turned the screen towards them with a smile, their baby perfectly outlined and no longer looking like a tiny alien. "I'll give you guys a few minutes," she said, leaving the room as they listened to the heartbeat and looked at the image onscreen. They could see the head and both hands, all the way down to their baby's stomach and Meredith couldn't stop smiling. "I think it's a girl," Mere said matter-of-factly as she looked up at Derek, squeezing his hand tightly and swooping in for a kiss. He indulged her and wrapped her in a hug. "You just want to outnumber me and Bailey," he teased her, kissing the tip of her nose and smoothing back her hair.

Next up was a Derek's first session of physical therapy, where Meredith gave him a kiss goodbye and went to work. Despite the fact that in the past, she and Derek had decided that they couldn't work together, they had talked and it had been decided that she was going to start a Neuro fellowship. She was more than capable and had logged so many hours as both an intern and resident, that it was only natural. Besides, she loved Neuro far more than she loved general, and being a general surgeon made her feel increasingly like her mother and it drove her crazy. The only thing Derek was worried about was her being pregnant and logging all of the hours, but she knew that she could take a few weeks off before coming back to the fellowship after having the baby. She had seemed satisfied by his answer, and today was the first day where she was working with Amelia. She changed into her indigo scrubs and pulled her hair back into a bun, tying her shoes and pulling on her lab coat. She needed to get a new one, one that said Dr. Meredith Shepherd, but she figured she'd drop Owen a note on that one. Plus she still needed to change her name officially. She had told Derek to page her when he was finished, but she knew he'd be in physical therapy for hours. Looking at herself in the mirror in the attending's lounge, she deemed herself ready for work and sought out Amelia.

* * *

After a grueling but satisfying day with Amelia, where they'd done three surgeries and consulted on several other people, with plans of surgery for tomorrow, Meredith made her way back to the attending's lounge to change into her regular clothes. With her scrubs, her 13 week bump didn't show much, but in her maternity jeans and sweater, her bump was on display. She walked through the hospital, people eyeing her and noticing the bump, but she honestly didn't care. She was pregnant for the second time and she was happy; no one could take that away from her. She made her way down to physical therapy and watched Derek through the window; from her vantage point he was doing a great job with his hand, but she had only been there for a few minutes. She stepped inside the room and took a seat, waiting for him to be finished. About ten minutes later he shakily made his way to her and she stood up and smiled, quickly giving him a kiss. "How did it go?" she grinned, taking his hand and leading him towards the front of the hospital. It was raining lightly outside but neither of them cared as they walked to Meredith's car. Soon enough they were home, and Zola and Bailey were climbing all over them. "Mommy mommy, did you do anything fun at the hospital today?" Zola pestered her, as she bent over and swooped the five year old into her arms, the little girl shrieking with joy. "I did, miss Zola, Aunt Amelia and I saved some people," she grinned, pressing kisses all over the girls face before passing her to Derek. Derek, to his delight, realized he could hold his daughter with both of his arms again. He held her tightly before putting her on his hip. "I missed holding you, Zo," he whispered to her, before she wiggled out of his arms to go play with her toys. It was August now and it was almost time for Zola to start kingdergarten. After dropping her things in the bedroom and changing into something more comfortable, Meredith rejoined Derek and Carolyn in the kitchen, eyeing Zola. "Can you believe she's going to actual school in a month?" she questioned, putting a hand on her bump absentmindedly. Her little girl was growing up, and Bailey was already three. They'd be busy with the new baby come February or March but it still made her hormones crazy to know that her little baby was already five. Carolyn, meanwhile, had whipped up another delicious meal and the five Shepherds gathered around the kitchen table to enjoy.

* * *

It seemed like no time that it was the middle of September. Derek had returned to work with full function of his hand, and only a little bit of a limp in his left leg, which Callie said would go away in time. Meredith was bouncing back and forth from Derek and Amelia's service, which was great, but she much preferred learning from Derek. He was more gentle and patient than Amy, who sort of just threw you into the case and expected you to know exactly what to do without teaching. With Amy it was wild; with Derek it was much more tame and she tended to learn a lot more. Still, she adored her sister in law and loved working with her even more. Amelia took on Derek's hopeless cause cases and usually succeeded at them, which gave Meredith a rush. The only thing that threw her off one day, was during a twelve hour surgery, she felt the familiar flutters in her stomach. By now she was around 18 weeks and she knew what the flutters meant. She took a step back from the open brain and smiled, everyone's eyes curiously on hers. "Dr. Shepherd, is there something wrong?" Amelia asked with a raised eyebrow. Meredith laughed. "Just your niece or nephew kicking for the first time," she smiled, before stepping back to the brain and continuing her work. She was sad it hadn't happened while she was doing surgery with Derek, but he'd be the first to know after she left the OR.

* * *

Once surgery was over, she ran through the halls of the hospital, determined to find Derek, asking every nurse along the way where he was. She found him in the attending's lounge, eating a sandwich, his ferry boat scrub cap still on. "Derek!" she squealed in a very un-Meredithlike fashion, before shutting the door behind her. He looked up at her in awe, an eyebrow raised. "And what could be so exciting as to make you squeal? Is Cristina coming back?" he teased her as she plopped down on the couch beside him. "Nooo," she laughed, grabbing one of his hands and pressing it to her bump. She was around 18 weeks now; in two weeks was their next ultrasound where they'd be finding out the gender. "Oh! Right there," she smiled, looking up at him with her eyes sparkling. "Oh!" he laughed, feeling the strong kick against his hand. "Hi baby, I'm your daddy," he grinned, looking down at the tummy that could no longer be hidden by her scrub top. They sat like that for a few minutes, feeling their son or daughter kicking like crazy, lost in the moment as Derek pressed his lips to hers. She couldn't help but smile like crazy. She still couldn't believe she was having another baby, and they were almost had the halfway mark which made it even crazier. Plus, it was almost to the halfway mark with no complications and no risk for complications.

* * *

20 weeks came and Meredith found herself in the OB wing again, Derek by her side. They had both quickly scrubbed out of their respective surgeries and both had their scrubcaps on still as Meredith removed everything from the bottom down and laid back at the table. She was a seasoned pro at this. Connie came in the room with a smile on her face, shaking hands with the couple. There was always that worry before an ultrasound that something would be wrong and Meredith tensed up during the pelvic exam. "Relax, Meredith," Dr. Ryan told her, and Meredith looked up at the ceiling, trying to conjure up images of beautiful sandy beaches with clear blue water and blazing hot temperatures. Once the unpleasant part was over, the gel was squirted on her bump and the loud, pulsating heartbeat was heard all over the room. Meredith sat up and clutched Derek's hand with delight as their baby was suddenly on the screen. He/she was even more developed and their features were more defined. "Alright, the heartrate is at 165 beats per minute, and baby is facing the right way. Do you what to know the gender?" Meredith looked at Derek, who looked like he was a kid in a candy store. "Yes!" he called out, which left Meredith laughing. "I think we want to know the gender, Connie," she laughed, reaching up to kiss Derek. "Okay guys," Connie smiled, turning the screen. Damn, their baby really was showing off. "It's a girl!" Meredith slapped a hand over her mouth and started crying. She was having a girl! Two girls and a boy for their family. Poor Derek and Bailey were going to be outnumbered and she giggled slightly as Derek pulled her to his chest. "We're having another little girl," he smiled, proud of both of him for creating another life. He knew the second he could get out of the hospital and away from surgeries he was going to buy something girly for their baby, who was still 20 weeks away from being due. He didn't care, he just wanted something that represented their baby.

* * *

That night at the house, Derek of course returned an hour after Meredith, but she didn't mind, she had the kids at the table and was serving them mac and cheese that she'd managed to make from scratch. He turned up in the middle of it all smiles, and passed her a pink bear with their daughters due date monogrammed on it's chest. Meredith was all smiles and pulled him into a hug and a kiss, Bailey and Zola oblivious to their parents being hopelessly in love with each other and being thrilled over their little sister.

Once the kids were in bed, Meredith and Derek had never been more grateful for their bedroom being downstairs and all the other bedrooms being upstairs. Her want and need for sex and never been at this height in her entire life, she decided, not even at this point in her pregnancy with Bailey, and she and Derek had each other over and over that night, ignoring the fact that they had to get up early in the morning. Meredith couldn't remember another night she had made love to Derek with so much love and passion, and she finally fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

 **Sorry it took me a bit to get another chapter up! Having writers block again. However, I wrote the first chapter to the Grey's College AU fic! I just have no idea what to name it (well I have an idea but I'm not sure, open to suggestions!)**

 **Here's your Christmas present though I'll try to crank out another chapter before New Years!**

 **Sorry though, no twins! Trying to follow the kids through Grey's canon. There may or may not be another baby after Ellis, it depends on how long the fic goes!**


	6. Just Like A Woman

After finding out the baby as a girl, Meredith and Derek were on a mission. They only had baby boy things tucked into storage at their house, and he convinced her that a baby shower for their little girl would be fun, so he coerced her into going to the nearest Pottery Barn Kids/Baby to register for gifts. She was too giddy to protest, so that was how she found herself an hour later with a registry gun in her hand.

"I have too much power right now," she giggled as she looked at their options for baby bedding. They didn't even do this with Zola; they'd just picked something random for the crib that had been used and had used that for two years, then used the same crib for Bailey. But this baby was different in her eyes; it was special. It was part of the new life they had both been given, and although Meredith felt guilty for not giving Bailey and Zola the best of the best, she knew they didn't really care. To them it was a crib. They had pretty awesome bedrooms right now and that was all she cared about – that they loved what their parents could give them, which luckily was everything.

Derek was in the next room of the store staring down several cribs. "Mere, do we want light or dark for the room?" he asked her, and Meredith backed up several paces so she could see him. "I want white furniture. With purple walls, and purple bedding," she smiled. Purple was her favorite color after all, and Zola's. She knew Zola would be so excited to help with her little sister's bedroom, especially since it was purple. While she was in the room with the cribs, she spied a set of bedding she liked. "Derek!" she yelled, rushing over to that piece. "This is the one," she said proudly, displaying it with her hands. It was a pale lavender, with large, dark purple butterflies on both the bumper and the quilt that went with it. The skirt was also lavender, decorated with tiny butterflies in the same dark purple, fluttering down into a mass at the bottom. She smiled triumphantly. It was perfect. "We have to get it Der, it's the only one I like," she insisted, and when he rolled her eyes at her she knew she had won. She scanned every piece of the bedding set before turning around. "Now the little miss needs a crib," she giggled as he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Mmm I don't like any of the ones here," he shrugged, having looked at them all. None of them had called out to him as the perfect one for their unnamed baby. "But," he said, biting his thumb, "I like that bassinet," he said, pointing to a white one against a false window. It was breathtaking; the wicker was white with a white ruffle skirt cascading down from it. It would go perfectly in their bedroom for the first few months of their daughters life. Meredith whimpered, wanting in. Never in her life had she ever thought that she would be into the whole baby registry thing, or even wanting kids, but here she was, 37 and a completely changed woman from the ten years since she had woken up on her living room floor from what had supposed to have been a one night stand.

Derek stood beside her and laughed, taking the registry gun from her hands. "I've ruined you completely," he teased, pressing a kiss on her forehead as he scanned the price tag, adding it to their registry. First had been the bridal registry, which Meredith had insisted they didn't need at all, because, you know, 'they didn't need 16 of freaking everything', but that had turned out to be handy when they ended up hosting every holiday for their family and friends, and did end up having a real wedding. And now this baby registry. Her hormones were getting the best of her as she wandered into the next room, which was different types of rockers. She sunk into the comfiest looking one and let out a moan of content. If she was going to be breast feeding at weird hours, there was going to be a very comfortable rocker in a very pretty shade of purple, she decided, as she rocked back and forth, her hand on her stomach. "You've ruined me," she said down to her stomach, giggling a little. Derek had found her and she scrunched her nose up. "You've turned me into this person who cares about details. Like bassinets. And specific diapers brands. And and freaking sheets! Sheets Derek! I care about sheets now!" It was all he could do to not laugh at her, but he couldn't hold it in any longer, and soon she was laughing along with him.

* * *

They stopped at another store in the mall to look at cribs, and Meredith ended up falling in love not just with all of the furniture for the baby's room, but new furniture for Zola. The bed she adored; it was a queen size four post bed with fabric draped around the posts. She knew it was big and extravagant for a five year old, but she was thinking for the future, of Zola and her little sister having sleepovers, giggling like crazy and staying up late watching Disney movies together, maybe with little Bailey snuggled in there too. "Dammit Derek!" she smacked him, as she signed off on that registry as well, knowing there would be more that day, and more on other days off. "What!?" he asked her, eyebrows raised as he ran his fingers through his hair. "You got me pregnant and I've gone soft!" she exclaimed, green eyes wild and laughing as they left the store hand in hand, Meredith tightening her scarf around her neck. There were children's clothing stores all around and she sighed. "They're calling to my uterus," she pouted, placing a hand on the baby kicking in her bump. "She doesn't even have a name, she's not even born, and she wants me to go shopping. You **know** how much I hate shopping Derek!" she laughed as he pulled her towards the exit and ultimately their car. "Yes and that's why we're going to Babys R Us, to register for everything else we need, because she does not nee thirty dollar onesies right out of the womb!" "Oh but she does, McDreamy," she teased him as she climbed into the front seat of his BMW, buckling the seatbelt securely. So far they'd registered for bedding and furniture, which was pretty great, and they both knew that probably between his mother, sisters, and Cristina, all of those would be bought in time for the shower January 25th. It was only October 21st. She wasn't due until March. And she so badly wanted it to be March.

Sighing, she relaxed in her seat in the car. Zola was in school, Bailey was in daycare, and they both surprisingly had the day off and had chosen it to do baby things, which was way more fun than she had ever thought possible. They drove on the highway for about twenty minutes, and then they were pulling into the parking lot of Babies R Us. Meredith personally hated the store but it was closer to their house than any other baby store and had virtually everything. Once inside, she winced under the fluorescent lighting and sighed as Derek dragged her to the baby registry desk and got them set up with another registry gun. It was the same as last, just point and scan and it would come up in the computer where everyone could access it and buy them stuff. Of course, she ended up having fun, because who would have too many pacificers? They fall on the floor, they fall out of the car, you lose them at daycare, and suddenly you're in the store, bleary eyed, looking for the type of pacifier your child likes, you grab the wrong one, and you're in hell. They wandered through the store, the two of them having a gun each, scanning anything they might ever want. They had agreed that they would look over the registry and take off anything they didn't want.

Meredith reached the strollers and bit her lip. She still had Baileys car seat that snapped into a stroller, but in the several years since he had been born she was sure it was outdated. She sighed and selected a new car seat, two bases, and two strollers that the seat would snap into – one for Derek's car and one for hers. Then came two strollers for when the baby was older and could sit up on her own. Then she had to pick a high chair, a nice wooden one that would fit with the rest of the kitchen. She liked the swing and bouncer they had, and turning an aisle with the scanner, she ran into Derek and laughed. "And what exactly have you been adding hmmm?" she questioned, reaching up for a quick kiss. He laughed and kissed her back, shaking his head a little bit. "You don't get to know until we sit down and go over it," he teased her, sliding his hand into hers. "Fine," she pouted, as she dragged him down the bath aisle, which happened to be the bath aisle. She couldn't help but smile as she picked up a particular rubber ducky. "Der! It's a ferryboat ducky" she grinned, and he quickly scanned it no less than ten times. There was no end to their joy that day and they ran around the store, laughing and kissing each other.

* * *

After their long day of baby registries, and picking the kids up from school, Meredith and Derek headed home. She was hungry, starving, and craving ravioli. Once everyone was in the house. Derek tucked her in for a quick nap before getting started on dinner, although the napping didn't last for long. The door creaked open and Meredith rolled over, only to meet the chocolate brown eyes of her daughter. "Are you okay sweetie? Why aren't you helping daddy?" she asked. The little girls lip began to quiver. "Are you going to forget about me when my baby sister sis born?" she asked as tears spilled down her cheeks. Merediths heart broke as she reached out and picked up her daughter, laying her down next to her. "Zozo, I would never love anyone more than you. The baby is just another person in our family to love, and I love all three of you equally. The baby may take time away from me spending time, but we can always pick a day just for us, how does that sound?" she said, cupping her cheek and kissing her forehead. "And Bailey will get a special day and whe she's old enough the baby will get a special day. You remember how it was with Bailey, we were so tired and it was so crazy, it's going to be like that. But never forget that mommy and daddy love you so much. We picked you to be ours and nothing can ever change that," she smiled, as Zola snuggled up to her and the bump. She put her tiny little hands on the bump and closed her eyes, falling asleep in minutes, with Meredith following closely behind her.

Derek found his two girls later just like that, curled up together in the big bed and he smiled. Meredith stirred first and smiled up at him. "Hi," she whispered, moving ever so slightly so she was sitting up. Zola didn't move so Derek came into the room, kissing Meredith firmly on the lips. "How was your nap?" he asked her, smoothing back her hair. "It was great," she smiled, inhaling his scent of aftershave and a bit of garlic. "What's for dinner?" she questioned, covering her mouth as she yawned. These were supposed to be the good days of her pregnancy, the days where she had energy and was pepped up all the time. She was just tired though since she was pushing through 12 hour days, sometimes longer, and sleeping at the hospital a lot still. So it was only natural for a day out to make her exhausted. "Pasta," he grinned, and Meredith gently shook Zola awake, who groaned. "Hey Zo, daddy made pasta for dinner," she smiled, as the little girl stretched and opened her eyes. "Come on," she said, sitting up, as Zola climbed out of the bed. The two girls made their way to the main room and sat down at the table, where Bailey was already in his booster seat and Derek was serving up the pasta dish he had made the family tonight. The smell was amazing and Meredith couldn't wait to dig in.

* * *

Later that night, Meredith was curled up with a blanket and a baby book on the couch, rain drumming against the windows. Typical Seattle in the fall and she loved it. "Derek, she's coming in 18 weeks and she doesn't have a name yet," she said, as Derek did the dishes and she paged through the book. She wasn't really liking any of the girl names she saw, but a few popped out at her. Emma, Charlotte, Violet, Alexandra in honor of Lexie, Caroline for the same reason. Grace, Harper, Stella, Alice, Hannah, Adalyn, Gemma…Meredith loved all these names but she didn't feel like they were right for their daughter. She was reading them out to Derek and neither of them were really feeling anything. "Maybe we'll know the name when we meet her," Meredith decided, closing the book and tossing the book to the side, standing up and moving to over to Derek and sliding her arms around him from the back. "I love you," she said with a smile, earning a kiss on her forehead as he finished up the dishes. He turned around and gave her a bigger kiss on her lips. She was so grateful that he was still here after the accident in June, that he was here to hug and kiss her, to tuck the kids in at night. "I love you too," he smiled, burying his nose in her hair, the lavender scent filling his nose. He loved her and the kids so much, it was so hard to believe less than 6 months ago he had almost given everything up.

* * *

 **So, Merry Christmas guys! I thought I'd put up another chapter and give you guys a present**

 **I apologize for whizzing by Meredith's pregnancy; I was insanely blocked and I didn't know what else to write. However, the fic is not about the pregnancy, it's about Meredith and Derek and moving on from the crash and finding each other once again.**

 **I hope you like the new (fun) chapter and keep reviewing! I love each and every review, they make me so insanely happy!**


	7. Remember When

Halloween came too soon, and Meredith found herself with Zola in her bedroom, getting her dressed for trick or treating. This year she had wanted to be Princess Tiana, so Meredith had obliged and Carolyn had made her the most elaborate Tiana costume she had ever seen. She was currently sitting on her bed, pulling and teasing Zola's hair into a bun that would make her look like the princess from the Disney movie. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Meredith had deemed her daughter's hair okay, and Zola rushed to her closet to grab her closet. "Help me mommy!" she said, grinning from ear to ear. Meredith couldn't help but match her daughter's smile. "First we have to put on a shirt, because it's kind of cold outside, okay?" she told her, tugging the cream colored shirt over her head, avoiding the bun she had just perfected. Thankfully the shirt matched the costume and Zola didn't complain. There was so much tulle underneath the skirt of the dress to make it poof out, and Meredith watched her daughter twirl. "Mommy I'm a princess!" she squealed, as Meredith put the bow on her bun, and handed her the elbow length gloves that went over her shirt with ease. "Come here baby girl," she smiled, lifting her into her lap. She could barely sit there anymore, what with Meredith's baby bump growing. She was nearly 6 months at this point and growing steadily. Once Zola was on her lap, she put on shiny black patent leather Mary jams, before letting her daughter preen at herself in the mirror on the back of her bedroom door. "Grandma made me pretty!" she laughed, touching her hair. "Oh Zozo, you're always pretty," she smiled, bending over and pressing kisses all over his face. "Go show daddy how pretty you look," she smiled, before heading to her own bedroom and getting herself dressed. She pulled a loose black top on over her tight tank top, shedding leggings for a pair of jeans and slipping her feet into boots. They were taking the kids over to Alex's house, as were Arizona and Callie with Sofia, to go trick or treating once again, since they live in the middle of nowhere and had no neighbors.

Heading out of the main room, she encountered Derek with little Bailey, dressed as a storm trooper from Star Wars. "Oh, don't you look both adorable and intimidating?" she laughed, swooping down and picking him up, laughing as he shrieked from laughter. "Oh my little Bailey-boo," she smiled, peppering him with kisses as she reached for Derek's hand and giving it a tight squeeze. This, right now, was everything she had ever wanted but didn't know she wanted. She put Bailey down and let him play with his toys, Zola still spinning around but in front of another mirror. She reached for Derek again and he took her in his arms, holding her tight, hands on her belly. She reached up, her hand on his cheek, smiling warmly as she pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you," she whispered, content to stay in his arms just like. "I love you too," he grinned, kissing her back as they watched their kids do their thing, getting hyped up for running house to house and eating sweat things. "You know, when I first met you, I never thought about having kids. And now we have almost three and I can't thing of anything different," she grinned, turning around and looking up at him as her green eyes sparkled in the living room lights. He looked down at her and laughed. "I on the other hand only knew it was a matter of time before I got you to agree to the kids part," he teased her, lips barely touching hers, before the bossy voice of their five year old sounded in the room. "Mommy! Daddy! I want to go to Uncle Alex's and get some candy," Zola demanded, and Meredith and Derek broke apart, laughing. "Apparently we have a bossy daughter," Meredith teased him, grabbing her coat and a scarf, before grabbing her phone and keys. "Come on Zola, you're right, we should be leaving," she smiled, pulling open the front door and unlocking the car, getting her into her car seat somehow what with all the tulle underneath her dress. Derek was in charge of getting Bailey into his car seat, so she slipped into the passenger seat.

Soon enough they were at Alex's house, or rather the house Meredith grew up in, and Zola had started to grow up in. Meredith let the kids out of their car seats and they ran to the front door, where Alex let them in. Meredith and Derek took longer, holding hands as they made their way to the door, letting themselves in. The house looked completely different from when they lived in it but she liked what Alex had done with it. Alex and Jo jumped up from the couch to greet the Shepherd family. Zola had already rushed over to Sofia and they were in Disney Princess land; Sofia was dressed as Princess Belle and the girls were having fun with their dresses. Callie and Arizona came out of the kitchen, the two of them with beers, smiling and as happy as can be. Meredith had been happy to hear that the two of them had decided to try again a few months ago, and they seemed to be happy. "Hey guys," Meredith smiled, all of the adults flopping down in chairs or on the couch. Everyone was drinking except for Meredith and Jo, and Meredith couldn't help but wonder if the fourth year resident was pregnant. It was possible; plus Alex loved kids. It would be great for them to have another kid in the community of doctors. "So guys are we actually taking the kids out?" Callie laughed, finishing her beer and setting the empty bottle on the table. The adults laughed and stood up, Meredith with help from Derek, and gathered their kids, Alex grabbing Bailey by his middle and tossing him in the air. "Uncle Alex and Aunt Jo are going to give out the candy, but we'll see all of you in a little bit," he said, kissing Bailey on the forehead before handing him to Derek.

* * *

The kids had a ball trick-or-treating, running from house to house, and Meredith couldn't stop taking pictures of them posing with Sofia in their costumes. She never did the trick or treating thing as a kid, so seeing her kids have so much fun with it made her deliriously happy. She knew Derek had grown up trick or treating with Mark and his sisters, and if he had it his way he and Meredith would do family costumes with the kids. That was where she put her foot down though, especially now that she was pregnant. Cat ears were the closest she was going to get to a real costume, she had told him, as she put on the metal cat ears decorated in rhinestones. Zola had approved and said, "You look so pretty mommy! But not as pretty as me and Sofia," she had declared, before marching up to the next person's house. Meredith had laughed at the moxie of the strong-willed 5 year old, shaking her head at Derek and poking him in the chest. "She gets it right from you," she teased him with a kiss. He had shaken his head. "Nah, she's all Grey, she's just like you and Lexie," he teased. There was a name that hadn't been mentioned in awhile. Meredith brushed it off, wanting to focus on the happy. The kids ran around for about two hours, before Meredith had a sleepy Bailey in her arms and Zola was comfortable with her head on Derek's shoulder, threatening to fall asleep. Callie was holding onto Sofia's hand as she wobbled unsteadily on the sidewalk. It had been a fun night for all three kids though, with all three getting a ton of candy (most of which would be consumed by the six adults in the house).

Later that night in bed, Meredith lay curled up in Derek's arms. One arm was draped across her bump, his thumb caressing the back of her hand. She was so comfortable, she felt herself sinking back into his arms, her eyes closed. "I had a thought, earlier, when you mentioned Lexie," she said, sucking in a breath. She had come to realize that it would never not hurt to talk about her younger sister. She spoke to Molly occasionally, and she loved Maggie and the pair had a great relationship, but no one would ever replace Lexie Grey. "I have no idea what I want to name the baby, but I want her middle name to be Alexandra," she said, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Derek smiled, leaning against her shoulder before reaching over to find her forehead in the dark. "I think that's a perfect idea. Alexandra is officially Baby girl Shepherd's middle name," he smiled, as Meredith rolled over to face him. "She would've loved another niece so close to home…" she smiled, tearing up a bit. He gently brushed those tears away, kissing her on the forehead, then both cheeks, then the mouth. "She would have, but our little girl will grow up hearing stories about her amazing, brave, aunt Lexie," he promised, brushing a thumb over her eyelids. She was exhausted, and after placing her head on his pillow, she quickly drifted off to sleep for the night.

* * *

Two weeks later came 24 weeks pregnant and Meredith had started plans for Thanksgiving. She wasn't going to cook it, of course; Maggie and Amelia would still never let her near the kitchen despite her protests at getting better at cooking and baking. They didn't trust her with over 50+ people and a huge thanksgiving meal. After all, Derek's entire family was coming, everyone from the hospital was coming; hell, Meredith had even invited her dad as a peace offering. Derek had convinced her to, he had convinced her that their children should know their grandfather. So that was why she found herself in the attending's lounge one Monday morning, pouring over cookbooks, wondering if anyone would like anything she was picking out or if it was just her crazed hormonal brain that wanted to eat anything and everything. Carolyn and the rest of the Shepherds were getting in the day before Thanksgiving; most were staying in hotels but some were staying at the house. It was going to be crazy but Meredith was thrilled for some reason. Things had definitely changed in her life and she couldn't be happier about it. "Remind me how I got roped into this again?" she asked Derek, who was sitting in an armchair across from her, trying to figure out a complicated surgery he had later that evening. "Because you love my family," he retorted with a cheeky grin. She made a groan of frustration. "Of course I love your family," she laughed, closing up the cookbooks and casting them aside, picking up the latest Neurosurgery journal and trying to focus on it…but it was hard to focus on reading when your teacher was your incredibly sexy husband. "I can't focus on anything anymore. Literally, I have a one track mind," she said, arching her eyebrows and looking over at Derek. It took him a moment to get the hint but once he did he flashed his blue eyes at her with a smirk. "Oh really? Is this around that time again?" he teased her, setting down his model and instruments, before moving over to the couch and locking her in a deep kiss, hands flowing freely through her wavy hair.

Of course her pager decided to go off, followed by his, and she groaned. "Fuck. Seriously? I love blood and surgery as much as everyone else here but right now? Really!?" she exclaimed, reaching up to her hair and pulling it up to a bun, quickly and expertly, grabbing her scrub cap from her pocket. Derek did the same, sans pulling his hair back, and grabbed her hand as they made their way down to the ambulance bay for their first 911 of the day. She wasn't allowed to lift patients onto gurneys but she could make herself useful in trauma rooms. She was checking out an incoming trauma when she felt a pain ripping through her abdomen. Stepping back from the table she moaned in pain. It felt like a contraction and she gripped her stomach, looking down. "Dammit," she said quietly, everyone else in the room pausing to look at her. Derek stopped what he was and considered her, putting an arm on her shoulder. "Mere, do you need to go sit down?" he whispered, concerned for her and the baby. "No I'm fine," she said, continuing to assess the patient for injuries. Head lac, stomach wounds, broken leg. Callie came barreling in the room as well as Bailey and Webber, all ready to do their jobs. "He needs a head CT," Meredith said, after shining her penlight in his eyes. They were off, rushing the man up to CT, where Meredith could finally sit down while they waited for the CT to come through. When it finally did, Meredith grimaced and looked over to Derek. "This is going to be rough," she breathed out. Derek simply nodded at the CT techs moved him back onto the gurney to move the man up to the OR.

* * *

Meredith and Derek stood next to each other in the scrub room, Meredith pinning her rings to her scrub top before scrubbing in and ignoring the pain in her stomach. She knew it wasn't labor; it was random and untimed. The only thing it could be was Braxton Hick's and as much as it sucked, life went on. After Derek entered the OR, she took a deep breath after a particularly painful contraction, stepping inside the door and allowing the scrub nurse to gown and glove her before popping up at Derek's right side. She was still having random pains as they opened up the patients brain to drain the blood and fix the bleed, but what should have been a short surgery turned into several hours as the patient coded several times. They were able to get him back several times but the stress on Meredith's body wasn't great. Her contractions were still coming with no rhyme or reason, at random intervals, but they weren't too strong, until suddenly an overwhelming pain gripped her. She cried out, dropping her instruments and grabbing her belly. Derek quickly passed off his instruments to Edwards, instructing her to close the patient up, and moved over to Meredith who was sitting on a chair by the wall. Kneeling down he pulled off his bloody gloves.

"Mere, you need to go up to OB. I know they're just Braxton Hick's but you need to slow down, that's what your body is telling you," he told her, kissing her forehead. She frowned, placing her hands on her ever-expanding belly with a sigh. She loved being pregnant, she loved carrying their baby, but she hated when things like this popped up. "Come on babe, I'll walk you up there," he said, taking her hand and leading her to the scrub room. They both degowned and headed up to OB. The floor was pretty empty and once Meredith said she'd been experiencing contractions all day, they quickly set her up in a room. Derek helped her out of her scrubs and into a hospital gown, tucking her into the bed. A nurse came by to draw blood and do an ultrasound. "Your baby is doing fine," the nurse said confidently, showing them the screen. Their baby girl was squirming around and kicking like crazy, which Meredith could feel. "I'll have Dr. Ryan come in as soon as possible," she said with a smile. Meredith cracked a fake smile, before turning to Derek, who had pulled up a chair to her bedside.

"Der, what if they aren't just Braxton Hicks? What if she's coming early?" she asked him, concern written on her face. She was 24 weeks and she knew the odds; the baby could survive but it would be tough. She was terrified. Of course, her worrying only brought on more stress, which brought on a high blood pressure reading that Derek was keeping on eye one. Sooner than later, Dr. Ryan came rushing into the room with a smile. "The good news is that your labs and ultrasound came back great. The bad news is that, as you know, as a surgeon you have a lot of stress in your life, which makes you at risk for preeclampsia. Your blood pressure is higher than normal and puts you in the danger zone for it, so I'd like to keep you overnight to monitor it, and keep the baby on a fetal monitor to see if it's contractions or Braxton Hicks. Either outcome, I'd like to see you off your feet and at home for at least two weeks to see if we can keep your stress levels down and see if it helps both mommy and baby," she said, scribbling something in Meredith's chart. Meredith threw her head back and groaned. This was absolutely not something she wanted. Derek caressed her hand gently, trying to calm her down. "Mere, sweetheart, we need you to be healthy and we want our little girl to be healthy," he said, trying to soothe her. She was frustrated. She was trying to have it all. A family, a career. She felt it all crumbling through her hands like sand on the beach. How could she be a world-class surgeon and an amazing mother at the same time if her pregnancy was keeping her back from her fellowship? She knew though that she needed to keep her baby safe; she loved that little girl so much and she hadn't even met her yet, she didn't even have a name yet. "I'll do it. I can stay at home," she breathed, an arm covering her eyes as she tried not to cry. The situation itself was stressing her out and she could hear the alarms beeping, alerting Derek and Dr. Ryan of her skyrocketing blood pressure.

"Meredith I'm going to need you to take deep breaths and let them out slowly," Connie instructed her, trying to calm the distraught patient. Derek continued to rub her hand, whispering things in her ear to calm her down. Her uterus tightened up with another contraction and she groaned, trying to take the deep breaths requested of her. Both Dr. Ryan and Derek were relieved as her blood pressure started to drop slowly, and soon it was within normal range. "Meredith that was great, please do that whenever you feel like you're stressed or about to have a panic attack okay? We need to keep both of you happy and we need to keep that baby inside of you for another 13 weeks," she said, as Meredith lay in the bed, unable to do anything for now.

* * *

Derek stayed by her side, having bumped his surgeries to late tomorrow, after the time he would be taking Meredith home when she was discharged. She was hooked up to the fetal monitor which monitored contractions, and so far she'd only had a few, which were still erratic and had no pattern. So they were all right; they were Braxton Hicks. It put both Meredith and Derek's mind at ease, but Meredith was royally pissed that she had to take time off work. Upon waking up from a nap Meredith sighed, checking her blood pressure. It was a bit high, but not high enough for concern. Turning her head the other direction she found Derek fiddling with his phone. "Hey," she said hoarsely, half smiling at him. "You're awake," he smiling, pressing a kiss to her lips. "I am," she sighed, moving hair out of her eyes. He returned her sigh and kissed her again. "I know you're unhappy, but this is your body's way of telling you to slow down, Mere. We both want you and the baby in one piece once she decides to come," he said with a smile. She adjusted herself in the bed, moving over and patting the space she just made. "Come sleep with me," she smiled. He made no hesitation to crawl into the tiny hospital bed with her, spooning her and wrapping his arms completely around her, his hand finding her bump like usual as he breathed in the scent of her lavender shampoo. "I love you so much," he whispered into her hair, and the smile on her face spread. "I love you to the moon and back," she giggled, turning her head so she could see his. "Not possible, I love you to infinity and beyond," he stated. "Mmm, I think you've been watching way too many movies with Bailey and Zola," she laughed, scrunching up her nose as she rubbed his two day old stubble. "I will love you forever. You're it. You're the only one," she said softly, her eyes misting over. "I hate to bring this up but…when you had the accident, before you woke up, I had decided I was going to be a widow for the rest of my life. No more dating. You were my one and only love," she said softly, a hand on his cheek. He couldn't help feeling choked up by that. "Remember, years ago, when I told you you were like coming up for fresh air? That I was drowning and you saved me? Back at the trailer, all those years ago. You were so young," he laughed, cupping her chin. She nodded with a small smile. "You did. You were. You still are. I fell in love with the girl in the bar, the girl who tosses back tequila as if it were water, the girl who grew up dark and twisty, the girl who was my one night stand the night before I was supposed to start work here. I love you and I can't imagine my life any other way at this point," he stated, pulling her even closer. Tears were rolling down her cheeks and her breath hitched. "I remember it. All of it. Telling you that when I met you I was done, I had found the person I wanted to marry. After all those years it came true. Look at us now," she giggle, gesturing down to her pregnant belly. "Do you think this is the last one?" she asked her green eyes sparkling. "Hmmm, one more?" he teased her, his hand caressing the bump, feeling the soft kicks of their daughter. "We'll see Dr. McDreamy," she teased him, her lips finding his again as the rare fall sunlight faded beyond the window.

* * *

 **Thanks for the amazing reviews AGAIN guys! I realized why the guest reviews weren't posting and I FIXED IT! Now I can get them right away and you can send as many as you want! I'm excited I fixed it!**

 **I'm going to post the first chapter of the college AU soon, as soon as I choose the best title for the fic** **I hope you all like it! I know I write a lot of narrative and not much dialogue; it's just the type of writer I am and if you hate it I'm SO sorry, I'm definitely trying to work on adding more dialogue into my stories! I'm used to roleplaying the most so I love writing narrative and description, it's second nature to me so it comes out that way in fic but I promise I'm trying!**

 **The college AU is posted and is called Long Live :) Give me some feedback! I'm nervous about it!**

 **Definitely adding more and more MerDer into here, and there will be more Grey-Sloan couples as well, I promise!**

 **Please read and review! Reviews make me SO happy!**


	8. Enough Love

Meredith Grey did not do bedrest. Nor did she take well to being pent up in the house, alone, all day, for two weeks.

On the first day, she tried to sleep in. She tried really hard. Derek left the house at 7am with Zola and Bailey, dropping Zola off at kindergarden and Bailey off at the hospital daycare. Meredith said her goodbyes and crawled back into bed. It was a dreary, rainy day, the rain pouring down from the sky and pounding the ground, flooding the city. Today she was content to stay within the comforts of her home.

Trying to go back to sleep proved useless, however. She couldn't get comfortable in any single position, even as she tried to hug her pregnancy pillow that promised comfort and sleep. Without Derek next to her it was useless.

Finally giving up, she decided to take a bath. Derek had come through on his promise to give her a bathtub that covered both her boobs and her knees, so she decided to stay in there awhile, soaking in Epsom salts to relieve her swollen feet, her belly just barely visible above the water. But then the water cooled off and she was forced to climb out and throw on some sweats, ready to do anything around the house.

It was a week before Thanksgiving and she sighed, standing in the middle of a messy living room, absentmindedly caressing her bump. Toys were everywhere, books were everywhere, medical journals were everywhere…how did they manage to live in this house? Oh, that's right. They lived more at the hospital than they did in the house lately. She started with the toys, putting them back in the kids respective toy chests, putting Zola's Barbies back in their dream house, and Bailey's little Lego men back in their little ships. Books went back on the bookshelves, and medical journals went into a neat pile on the coffee table until she and Derek could decide which ones were getting tossed. Already the living room looked 100% better than it had half an hour before.

Wandering into the kitchen, she somehow got into the business of cleaning out the fridge, something they never did. Every surface got scrubbed, and two hours later Meredith came to the realization that she was nesting. It had never happened when she was pregnant with Bailey because she was simply never home when she was pregnant with Bailey. Realizing she was on a streak, she figured she'd wash all the bed linens and all the dirty laundry; once everything was in the wash did she realize how exhausted she was and she fell asleep on the couch.

That was just day one.

* * *

Day two started differently, with Meredith sleeping through Derek's alarm. When she woke up, it was past 11am and she was shocked she had managed to sleep that late. Really, she hadn't slept that late since she had managed to have an afternoon schedule at Dartmouth. Taking her sweet time to get up, it was nearly noon before she wandered into the kitchen and had a piece of toast with some tea. 26 week old baby Shepherd demanded food, and when she wanted food she got it. After that, Meredith realized she could do whatever the hell she wanted. Rigging her phone up to the Bluetooth speakers they kept in the kitchen, she put on one of her favorite songs and had a dance party by herself, letting loose and having fun, throwing her head back and laughing. The past six months had been nothing but stress, what with the accident, Derek's rehabilitation, and the first few months of her pregnancy, that she was grateful just for four and a half minutes to dance it out and do what she wanted. Of course it had to me modified for the baby, but once the song was over she felt free and couldn't stop smiling.

But she was bored. Two weeks at home was still pure hell for her. She left music playing as she did chores around the house, picking up toys and making up beds, making sure the guest rooms were ready for family coming in Wednesday night. She even decided to cook dinner, slipping potatoes in the oven to bake and cooking chicken in a pan close to when Derek and the kids would be coming home.

When Derek came home and saw Meredith in the kitchen he stopped short, enjoying the sight, the two kids running in the house to greet her. He left his coat and bag by the door, entering the kitchen with a smile and slipping an arm around her waist, giving her a tender kiss on the forehead. "Who are you and what did you do with my wife?" he joked, as she laughed. "Taste this," she grinned, blowing on a piece of chicken with mushrooms on top, offering it to his open mouth. He was wary, but once it was in his mouth he made a curious face before swallowing. "I see you cooking, you offered it to me, and it actually tastes delicious," he teased her, as she swatted him away. "I told you I can cook!" she yelled, as he headed towards he bedroom to change into sweats. Soon he returned and she was serving chicken marsala to their family, adding a glass of red wine to his place setting and she sat down, cutting up a piece of chicken for Bailey. "You cooked," Derek repeated, eyeing her from the other end up the table. She laughed and looked up from Bailey's plate, returning to her own. "Yes, I have many talents, including cooking," she smirked, digging into her own food with a laugh. Maybe now Amelia and Maggie would let her help cook on Thanksgiving.

* * *

Later in bed that night, Derek held her close like he did every night, taking all of her in. "I miss having you by my side during the day," he mumbled into her hair, and she sighed. It was only day two, with twelve more days to go. Luckily he had off a few days after Thanksgiving to see their family, but she wished she had him now. "What, working with your sister isn't fun?" she teased him, knowing Amelia took pride in bossing him around and being his boss. "Oh, it's absolutely fun being bossed around by your baby sister," he laughed, pulling her hair back and kissing her neck. "Hey, I get bossed around by my baby sister too," she pointed out. Maggie definitely bossed her around whenever she got the chance to; it had become sort of a joke between the two sisters even, whenever it was cardio Maggie bossed Meredith around, and vice versa. "Mmm well baby sisters are annoying," Derek mused, arms wrapped around the bump again. "Well yes but don't tell Zola yet, she's super excited about hers," she laughed, rolling onto her chest but staying on her back, kisses trailing down her neck. She let out a soft moan, before flipping onto her stomach, hovering above him. "You're wearing far too much clothing," she whispered, inching his shirt above his head, tossing it behind her. "Mmmm and so are you," he grinned as he pulled her pajama pants off. In minutes both of them were naked and were quietly making love, adjusting positions for her baby bump, both of them happy, for the millionth time, that their bedroom was downstairs.

* * *

By Wednesday, or day three really, Meredith finally had something to do. The house was spotless, the bedrooms were clean with the beds made, the windows sparkled. Derek and Owen had pulled the dining room table out to it's full length and settled the leaves in, and that morning Derek and left Meredith with a long kiss, telling her to have fun setting the table and decorating the house. In her trusty sweatpants and a loose top, she set the dining room table carefully with the china they'd received for their wedding, with the wineglasses and waterglasses, and finally with the antique silverware engraved with an S. A red tablecloth adorned the table, and Maggie had somehow found time to make centerpieces. Of course, there was another table in the living room for the 16 nieces and nephews, including Bailey and Zola, which Meredith set with the china, glassware, and silverware she had inherited from her mother. Now that she was older and had a family to entertain, she was pleased she had inherited it, but when she had just started her internship, she had had no idea what the hell to do with all the boxes of crap left behind in her mothers house.

Once the tables had been set to her liking (and her perfection), she stood in the kitchen, looking at the recipes Maggie and Amelia had left out for her to start with. Most of them were desserts, easy things but time consuming, which she liked. It was only 10AM and the Shepherd clan wasn't getting in until at least 7.

She got to work first on the pumpkin pie, progressing next to two apple pies, which she proudly sprinkled with cinnamon before putting the dough on top. The oven had finished pre-heating so she popped all three in, before getting to a chocolate mousse, suddenly wondering why it had taken her 37 years to take up cooking and baking, since she actually wasn't half bad at it. This made her think back to the day when she made Lexie eggs and she burst out laughing, all alone in the kitchen. What the hell had she been doing!? She'd come so far in just a few years. Kids. It was definitely having kids, and getting inventive with meals for them. Bailey and Zola loved her homemade mac and cheese. She certainly didn't get her culinary skills, so she made a note to ask Thatcher later if he was any good at cooking.

With the pies in the oven, she started preparing the stuffing, even though that wouldn't be cooked (or stuffed into the turkey) until tomorrow. Realizing she had gone through the list of dishes to prepare, she pulled out packages of green beans and started to prepare them by snapping the ends off and tossing them down the garbage disposal, making the job easier for whoever was cooking this tomorrow.

Once everything regarding the food was finished, she sighed and looked down at herself. She was covered in flour and desperately needed to shower, so she headed there next. Jumping into the huge, tiled shower, she was never more grateful for the double showerheads as she rinsed all baking materials from herself. She knew Amelia would be home soon, needing to give herself a pep talk and tidy her own self up before the stampede of her mother and sisters came.

After her shower, Meredith took her time blowdrying her hair, dressing in jeans and a loose shirt and flip flops just to wear around the house. She was slightly nervous for the Shepherds despite the fact that she _was_ a Shepherd sister now; they were still a lot to handle. Amelia was even a lot to handle, and the two women got into arguments occasionally. Taking a moment to herself she sat on the bed, a hand on her bump, feeling the baby moving around like crazy. Lucky for her, she liked to move during the day and sleep during the night, the complete opposite of Bailey. Instead of getting up though, Meredith found herself laying down on the partially made bed and taking a nap.

* * *

The house was dark when Derek woke her up, and she rubbed at her eyes, hearing rain pelting at the windows again. "I think I just slept for five hours," she said as the looked up at him, squinting from the light of the lamp. Really, she hadn't meant to lay down, but she'd just been so tired from the morning…and now she had to do dinner and keep the house clean until the Shepherds came. "I have to make dinner," she said, getting up from the bed and rubbing sleep from her eyes. "No you don't, I picked up take-out from your favorite place," he smiled, planting a kiss on her mouth. She sighed and looked up at him, returning the kiss. "Have I ever told you that you're perfect?" she smiled, standing on the tips of her toes as she straightened her shirt. "You always do but I love hearing it. Boosts my ego," he grinned, taking her hand and leading her to the kitchen, where Bailey and Zola were set up with pizza. He led her to a bar stool where chicken parmesan was on a plate and she inhaled deeply. "I definitely have the best husband ever," she laughed as she dug into the food. It was absolutely delicious and hit the spot, giving her the energy she needed for the invasion of the sisters.

After dinner they bathed the kids and put them to bed. Zola went right to bed, knowing she'd wake up and be able to play with her cousins, but Bailey wasn't so easy. He wanted Meredith to read him story after story, and after that he snuggled in her arms. Finally she convinced him to get into bed, and he obliged – but only if mommy came too. She sighed and crawled into the little twin bed with him, his head resting gently on her bump, his eyes finally falling shut just as 8pm rolled around.

Derek walked through the quiet house, coming to rest in the doorway of Bailey's room as he took in the resting forms of his pregnant wife and his three year old son with a loving smile on his face, his phone in his hand. "Mer, read this," he said, coming in and handing her his phone. It was a sweet quote about little boys that brought tears to her eyes. 'It seems impossible at 3 am, when you are this exhausted, but you know there will be a day when you will yearn for this. Maybe he'll be at sleepaway camp. Maybe he'll be at college. Maybe he'll be an ornery teenager who just wants you to get the hell out of his room, mother. Someday, one night will be the last night you'll ever rock him at 3 am, and you won't know it's the last night until it's gone'. Meredith wordlessly read the quote and tears started flowing freely down her cheeks as she pulled Bailey closer to her. He was her baby boy, her little Bails. He was sweet and sensitive and preferred cuddling with his mommy over playing rough with his daddy. "Oh god," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead before tucking him under the covers and slowly getting up. She would give the entire world to stay where she was right now, but she knew the family would be here soon. Derek pulled her up into his arms and she cried quietly for a few moments, hormones getting the best of her, before she kissed him and led him downstairs to the living room, drying her tears on his shirt.

Soon enough they could hear car doors shutting outside and lots of children shouting, and Meredith grinned. She still couldn't believe how much she had changed. She thought back to the day she had met Carolyn – she had been a bumbling mess, but the woman had fallen in love with her. Meeting Nancy had been a complete disaster, and now the two women facetimed a few times a week and traded parenting tips. She and Lizzie had even managed to form a special bond after she had told her first about her pregnancy with Bailey. Kathleen had been easy, it was like talking to an old friend. Then there was Amelia. They fought like, well. Sisters, really. Meredith really was the fifth Shepherd sister.

In no time at all children were rushing through the house, hugging their aunt and uncle, their parents attempting to tell them to keep the volume down. Meredith didn't mind; her kids were sound sleepers. She was in a flurry to greet the sisters, who all fussed over her belly and begged for photos of the baby. Amy slunk in in the middle of everything with Carolyn, who beamed with joy over the sight of Meredith's swollen belly. Fortunately, everyone quickly settled down; the sisters who were staying at the house got their kids to bed and those who were staying in a hotel left with their brood. The adults settled on the couch, talking late into the night, sharing stories and laughing over wine and beer, with the exception of Amelia and Meredith, who had fun regardless. Over the years, Meredith had learned that she didn't need to be intoxicated in order to have fun.

Eventually everyone declared that they were exhausted, and one by one they retired to bed, leaving Mere and Derek on the couch, snuggled in front of the fire. Eventually she fell asleep on him and he, not wanting to jostle her too much, gently picked her up and carried her to bed. Even six and a half months pregnant she was still light enough to be carried around and as he tucked her into bed, he kissed her goodnight on the forehead. Thanksgiving the next day was going to be insane but he was excited. The first holiday in their new house was definitely something to be excited about.

* * *

 **I know I just updated yesterday but somehow I got inspiration and cranked this out in less than a day! I'm still so excited I figured out the issue with the guest commenting and such and now I can't keep smiling at all of your reviews! You guys rock! Your reviews keep me going, keep me wanting to write more and more and more! I have so many ideas for chapters ahead and honestly I see this story going really far**

 **Also if you haven't already, please check out my NEW AU college story called Long Live! A new chapter should be posted up shortly and I'm starting a new chapter for it tonight!**


	9. Turkey Lurkey

Meredith woke up at 8 on Thanksgiving, feeling the house alive with people. She wanted to stay in bed a little bit longer but there was just so much to do. Rolling over and sighing, she pushed herself up to a sitting position and managed to find something comfortable to wear. Throwing on leggings and one of Derek's dress shirts, she slid her feet into flats and left the room, combing her fingers through her hair. The house was crowded with children and adults and she couldn't help but smile despite the absolute chaos. Younger children were in the living room with Bailey and Zola, older kids were mostly hanging out with the adults who were fussing over brunch.

"Why is everyone yelling and fussing?" She said as she came up next to Kathleen, her nose wrinkled. Noise was not how she wanted to start her morning, although it was to be expected in the Shepherd family. 5 children, 4 spouses, and almost 17 grandchildren. Plus Amy had brought Owen over for brunch and he would be around for dinner as well.

Kathleen turned with a smile on her face, rolling her eyes somewhat. "Amelia and Derek are having a showdown over who's cooking breakfast," she laughed, clearly amused by this. "Oh god," Meredith laughed, her hand coming naturally to rest on top of her stomach, pushing through the crowd of Shepherds to see the very short Amelia and the very tall Derek staring each other down. "Okay guys, stop it, I get it, you guys like to prove who's the dominant one. We both know it's Derek, Amelia, but you can both make what you want, there's like thirty people here," she said, standing inbetween them and looking back and forth. "Seriously guys," she said, when neither one of them budged. "Derek, make the egg dish like you always do," she said as she turned to him, and finally he broke off to get the ingredients. Turning to Amy she sighed. "Amy, make the waffles, Bailey and Zola will demand them and you make them the best, okay?" she said with a brief smile and a pat on Amy's shoulder. Turning back to the crowd, she noticed the amazed looks on everyone's faces. "What?" she questioned, noticing that Carolyn looked proud. Lizzie decided to speak up. "No one can ever break them apart like that," she volunteered, "Except you apparently," she finished with a nod.

Meredith just laughed, shaking her head. "Seriously? You guys are serious? I do this every day. At home, at work, in the car. It's kind of my life," she laughed with a shake of her head. She loved Derek and Amelia but she was pretty glad she'd grown up an only child, despite how much she loved Maggie and Lexie. Pushing past the crowed of sisters and husbands, she left Amelia and Derek in the kitchen to cook breakfast.

* * *

Breakfast turned out great, with fruit, waffles, tons of whipped cream, and the special egg dish Derek always made them. People were everywhere, perched on every available seating area, even the floor if it meant they could eat. Paper plates were used, mimosas went around, and the Shepherds were sated for now. Of course, this meant that the real preparations went underway. Meredith steered clear of the kitchen, having done her part the day before with the baking. Instead she sat on the couch, cuddling Kathleen's youngest, who was a little over a year old. "You're the cutest baby ever," she cooed down to the little boy, named Rhys. He smiled up at her and tugged at her hair and she grinned. She couldn't wait until she was holding her own little girl like this. Rhys squirmed in her arms and she put him down, watching him toddle away to the rest of his siblings and cousins before she got up, joining the rest of the adults. By now some of their friends from the hospital had arrived, and Meredith was introducing Maggie to everyone. "Guys this is my little sister," she said proudly, hugging her as close as her baby bump would allow. Maggie hugged her back, smiling, so grateful that Meredith was accepting of her. Maggie integrated herself among the Shepherd sisters and she, too found out that she felt at home with them. Everyone else was filtering in and making introductions, and in the middle of it all Meredith felt at home.

Maggie and Amelia put themselves to work in the kitchen, promising to call Derek when it was time to carve the turkey, and all kids had been pushed into the playroom with Cinderella playing on the tv. The other kids were playing football in the yard, so the adults settled into the living room in east chatter. Everyone was there, even April and Catherine Avery, and Meredith smiled at everyone. These people around her were her family, whether by blood, marriage, or friendship, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She had come to Seattle, a shell of a person, and in her 8+ years here had built a family. Now, in the center of that family, holding several different conversations, she couldn't imagine it every other way. Laughing her head off with her sisters, discussing surgeries with her friends, and looking at the watchful eye of Webber; hell, even looking over at Thatcher and seeing that familiar sparkle in his eye as he looked proudly at his oldest daughter, she knew she was exactly where she belonged right now.

* * *

The turkey was carved and dishes carried to the table, the wine poured, and finally everyone was settled down enough and quiet enough for a blessing. Derek did the honors, rambling on about family and friends coming together, and talking about his and Meredith's baby coming soon and feeling blessed all around. Mere signaled to him to wrap it up, giggling a bit, and finally he sat down so they could all eat. Everything was delicious, but she hadn't expected it to be any different with at least ten different people cooking and baking. By the end of dessert she was so sleepy and full, her eyes were closing in her chair. Derek amused himself by poking her in the side. "Mere, wake up," he laughed. She opened one eye and looked at him, groaning. "I'm in a food coma, I can't," she groaned more. "Carry me to bed for a nap?" she begged, and in a second she felt his arms lifting her up, and soon both of them were snuggled in their bed. "I'll let my sisters take care of the dishes. As long as they don't break anything," he teased, pressing kisses all over her face. She laughed and rolled over, curled up into his warm body, her head sinking into his chest. "Think the kids are okay by themselves?" she asked, her voice heavy with sleep. He rubbed circles on her back, knowing that pregnancy was draining enough, but at in a huge holiday and even extra calories from the food and he knew she was exhausted. "Come on Mer, let's sleep a bit, we can do things with the family later or tomorrow," he said with a smile, wrapping his arms around her tightly as they drifted off for a nap.

* * *

Waking up after a few hours distorted everything for Meredith. She still felt pure exhaustion to the bone but it was only 8PM. She knew her kids must be asleep for the night but the climbed out of bed anyway; Derek was long gone from his spot. Shuffling into the main room, she noticed it was mainly sisters and hospital friends. Alex, Maggie, Jo, Webber, Catherine, Jackson, and April were still there, along with Derek's sisters and brother's in law. She loved it, her two families bonding, and couldn't help but smile as she stood on the sidelines. She could hear activity from the playroom and slipped down the hallway to peak inside; it was mainly the older kids playing video games, so she slipped back into the main room and took a seat next to Derek, placing her head on his shoulder with a smile. This was definitely a Thanksgiving to remember, and she couldn't wait for next year when there would be yet another person to add to the mix.

* * *

 **Happy new years! Here's my gift to you. I'm sorry this chapter was so short! It was sort of just a filler chapter since the chapter before had been leading up to Thanksgiving. Either way, I hope you guys like it!**

 **Second of all, I'm overwhelmed by the reviews once again! I have so many plans for this story and I'm so excited! It just takes time to get to the big huge parts**

 **Thirdly, I had another AU idea! I've been a dancer since I was 3, so I've been dancing for 23 years, and I had an AU Ballet Grey's pop into my head when I was out to lunch with a friend today. I know exactly how I'm going to structure it (I used to be in a ballet company and idolize so many more companies so I know how they're structured), and it'll even take place at a well-known real-life ballet company in Seattle. Besides, who can resist McDreamy and McSteamy in tights!?**

 **Keep reading and reviewing! I love you guys so much, and happy new year!**

 **EDIT: Okay so reviews aren't showing up! It says I have reviews to read but I can't see them :( I'm pretty bummed but excited I have reviews! Working on the new fic right now :)**


	10. Top of the World

With Thanksgiving over, Meredith could now focus on her next hurdle – Christmas. Derek had a great idea for them to go up in the mountains and cut their own Christmas tree, and while the idea was great, 27 week pregnant Meredith so didn't feel like trekking out in the snow. But that was where she found herself one Saturday morning, bundled up beyond belief as she pulled Zola from her carseat. She and Derek had deemed that it was too much for Bailey, who had screamed and cried to go along with his parents and big sister, but Maggie and Amelia had promised waffles, toys, and movies with him.

Holding Zola's hand, she pulled up the hoods of both of their coats; it was snowing lightly and freezing cold as they caught up to Derek, who had managed to get a saw.

"Come on," he grinned, taking Meredith's hand and she grinned up at him.

"You ready Zozo?" she smiled down at her daughter, who was enjoying the snow around them. It had snowed at their house, but here there was much more to trudge through. Derek laughed, reaching down and swinging Zola up in his arms as they set off to find the perfect Christmas tree for their house.

* * *

After what seemed like hours, Derek finally found a tree that satisfied him. Meredith was beyond cold and Zola had ended up running after them, playing in the snow. She wouldn't deny this was fun though, because it was. They went back and forth for a few minutes about the tree, before finally, with much stumbling, the tree was down. Luckily for them, the Christmas tree farm that they were cutting their tree from came along and picked up them and the tree to take back to the car. Meredith snuggled up under blankets with Derek, Zola on her lap and she smiled.

"Next year there's going to be another one when we do this," she grinned, reaching up and giving him a kiss. He wrapped his arms around his two girls and held them tight, content to just sit there in the wagon with their tree. Meredith let her head fall back, comforted by the fact that his arm was around them.

* * *

Later in the day, once they had gotten home and gotten the tree inside the house, Meredith was in awe at how beautiful it was and she decided it was worth it, having trekked out in the freezing cold to chop it down. It was snowing harder now, the snowflakes falling more rapidly, but she didn't care. Derek had hung up the white lights on the tree, and Meredith had surrounded herself with boxes upon boxes of Christmas ornaments. Amelia and Maggie were still at the house and she smiled, wanting to hang the ornaments as a family, and she felt a sudden pang in her heart for Lexie. She used to do this with Lexie, the two of them baking Christmas cookies and decorating her Christmas tree. She tried to shake the feeling off and sighed, touching her bump with a sigh. Part of her wanted to name the baby Alexandra, call her Lexie, but she knew she couldn't. Alexandra was the baby's middle name.

"Guys, want to come help me decorate the tree?" she said, brushing away her momentary sadness, as she stood up from the floor with a smile. Derek had just returned to the room with Zola and Bailey trailing behind him. She had never been one for traditions, and a few years ago never thought she would have traditions at all. "Bailey, do you want to put the first ornament on the tree?" she smiled, grabbing hold of the three year old and hanging him his ornament, the one that had his name and birthday on a blue baby bootie. She helped him hang it on the tree and kissed the top of his head with a smile. Derek helped Zola with hers, and then the rest was a free for all, with four adults and two kids hanging ornaments everywhere.

* * *

Meredith was officially off of bed rest and back to the hospital, clocking in her fellowship hours. Today she was with Amelia, which made her pout, but it was redeemed by the fact that they had a doomsday sucker, which Amelia felt confident that they would be able to completely remove. Meredith was excited; the last time something like this had come into the hospital it had ended dramatically and drastically, with Derek retreating to the woods for a few weeks and throwing her engagement ring away with a bat. She felt confident that wouldn't happen this time.

With interns trailing her every move, despite the fact she had told them not to speak a word about anything unless spoken to, she prepped the patient and answered any and all questions she had. She scanned her group of interns for the most promising, picking just one to scrub in on her and Amelia, telling the rest to make themselves busy in the Pit.

The surgery was long and grueling, and Meredith wasn't sure how she got through it, but in the end they got in entire tumor and Meredith was proud of herself and Amelia. They were able to give the patient and her husband the good news, that they had gotten the entire tumor and in a few hours the patient would wake up. Amelia gave Meredith a few hours to rest in an on-call room, and Meredith immediately paged Derek to see where he was.

A few minutes after slipping beneath the covers of the bed, Meredith heard a knock on the door and smiled. Derek slipped into the door, letting in as little darkness as he could, and smiled at the drowsy form of his wife.

"Come lay with me," she smiled, pulling back the blankets. Derek didn't need anymore invitations, he quickly shut the door and moved over to the bottom bunk, climbing over her so he could snuggle close and spoon her.

"How did surgery go?" he asked her, hand going directly to the bump. She smiled, her head falling against the pillow and her eyes falling shut once again.

"It was good, we got the entire tumor," she said, her breathing coming even and deep. She was exhausted, not just from surgery but from the baby. Seven more weeks and she was on maternity leave. Part of her couldn't wait but another part of her didn't want to take three months away from work again; she felt like she had just come back from maternity leave from Bailey and he was three. At the moment she wanted to talk to Derek more, but her eyes were so heavy despite it being only 3PM. "I love you," she murmured, taking another deep breath and falling asleep.

* * *

Her nap in the on-call room was disturbed by a 911 page. Fortunately it wasn't her patient, but unfortunately it was an incoming trauma. She sighed and rolled over, groaning a bit. "Der," she mumbled, pressing a kiss to his lips. His eyes fluttered open and he pulled her title.

"Come on, let's go," he responded, sitting up and pulling her with him. The pair climbed out of bed and pulled on their shoes, exiting the on-call room at a quick-walking pace, since Meredith had by now lost the ability to run. In no time at all they were in the ER, pulling on trauma gowns, tying them on the other and running out the doors of the ER. It was freezing outside and pouring down rain, and Meredith winced. The first ambulance pulled up and the doors were pulled open, the patient pulled out.

"We have a multiple MVC, the first car slid on the ice and the rest followed suit," the paramedic explained as the doctors sprung into action. April and Hunt grabbed the gurney and called Meredith in with them, where she said goodbye to Derek and ran inside to the first trauma room. There was obvious trauma to the abdomen, but she knew she had to do a full Neuro workout. The patient was aware and talking, trying to tell them what happened.

"It was just raining so hard, the patch of ice on the highway looked like the rest of the road, it just looked wet, I mean this is Seattle, it rains all the time, I didn't think to take any other precautions, you know? And then I was sliding and I couldn't stop, I lost control of the car, I hit my head but it doesn't feel like I hit it, I just hope the baby is okay.." the patient trailed off. Meredith stepped back and took a deep breath. She was always wary when there was a pregnant woman involved; it hit her too close to home and always threw her for a loop, making her wonder if she was going to lose her baby. It was bad enough when she had fallen down the stairs and almost bled out when she was giving birth to Bailey.

Owen noticed her step back and he gently leaned towads her.

"If you'd like to attend to another patient from the crash, you're more than welcome to, Grey," he said to her in a low voice. Meredith nodded slightly.

"Let me just give her a Neuro workup and I'll page OB," she said quickly, moving in with her penlight," she said, checking the eyes of the women. Her pupils were responsive, but she ordered a head CT just in case, before sending a quick page to OB and dismissing herself to Trauma 2. The person that Derek had managed to grab was in a worse state; there was a broken ankle and a deep lac in the stomach area, which a bandage around the head that had blood seeping through.

"What have we done so far?" she asked Derek as she walking into the room, changing her gloves for fresh ones as she assessed the stomach lac. It didn't seem too bad, but she knew that that could change rapidly once they did an x-ray or ultrasound. She heaved a sigh, pressing more gauze to the stomach and removing the bloodied pieces. It was going to be a long rest of the day.

* * *

Meredith didn't finish until nearly 11pm, and she was dead on her feet. Dragging herself to the attending's lounge to change, she tossed her dirty scrubs into the bin and pulled on her leggings and cozy sweater, running a brush through her hair. She needed a shower badly but sleep sounded more appealing to her right now. Derek was an angel and had waited for her to finish, even though he was off at 6, and after taking her bag from her, he quietly guided her through the hospital and out to their car.

"Close your eyes Mere, you know it's an hour to the house," he told her. The rain had turned back into snow, leaving everything coated with white and she sighed tiredly, looking over at him.

"I know, but I barely saw you today," she said, wanting to reach over and grab his hand, but knowing he needed to concentrate on the icy roads. Sighing in defeat she closed her eyes, the drive back to their house flying by in no time at all, and soon they were pulling into their driveway. Amelia had picked up the kids from daycare and brought them home, which Meredith was eternally grateful for. Climbing out of the car, she trudged through the snow and unlocked the front door, leaving her things in a pile, not even bothering to hang up her coat. She just wanted sleep. She felt like she was reliving her intern year with how exhausted she was, although she paused in front of the fridge, pulling out a piece of cold pizza and devouring it before she moved on to the bedroom. Derek couldn't help but laugh; she was on complete autopilot and there was nothing he could do to stop her. He hung up both of their coats and moved their bags so they weren't blocking anything, and followed her into the bedroom.

"Meredith come on, you need to change," he said with a laugh, pulling out clean pajamas for her and helping her into them.

"I don't remember being this dead with Bailey, and I was a fellow then, too," she mumbled, her eyes half closed as she pulled on pj pants and a shirt that somehow managed to continue to cover her stomach. She ambled into the bathroom and splashed water on her face, brushing her teeth, before stumbling to the bed and laying down. Derek quickly brushed his teeth and changed, joining her in the bed and tugging her close. Ever since he quit his job in DC and survived the accident, he had learned to not take his life for granted, and that included any and all time spent with Meredith.

"Goodnight sweetheart," he whispered to her, smoothing down her hair.

"Mmm goodnight," she whispered, eyes already shut and half asleep.

* * *

The next few weeks were a blur for Meredith; she rotated between Derek and Amelia and was able to witness so many life saving surgeries and so many different techniques. Being a fellow, she was able to do so much more than she had as an intern and even a resident. She was learning so much and having a blast doing it, despite how exhausted she was at the end of every day. She was trying to put in as many hours as she could before the baby came and she was gone for a bit. Luckily she was talented as a surgeon and Derek was able to get over his feelings about working with her from the past, and was a great teacher. Amelia threw her into the thick of things and expected her to do her research beforehand, which she liked as well, but the brother and sister duo had two very different teaching techniques. None the less, Meredith always felt ready when she stepped into the OR.

A few days before Christmas, Meredith sat at the nurses station, finishing up a few charts that her interns had screwed up. It was tedious work that she shouldn't have to do, considering the fact that it was scut, but she wanted them perfect so she figured she'd do them herself. Derek approached her, pulling his scrub cap off his head with a smile.

"Hey, I was told I'd find my beautiful wife here," he said with a smile, and she set down her pen and looked up at him.

"I don't know about that, I think your beautiful life has turned into a huge manatee," she giggled, her hands on either side of her bump. She was much bigger at 30 weeks than she had been with Bailey, but Dr. Ryan had assured her that that was normal.

"Please, you're carrying my child, you're the most beautiful woman in the world," he grinned, swooping down and kissing her. "That wasn't what I came here for though," he said, coming around and helping her stand up. She grabbed the charts and tucked them away, raising a brow.

"Oh? And what did you come here for?" she laughed, as they made their way to the lounge. It was the end of their workday and she was happy to be going home.

"I pulled some strings and got us both off work for a few days around Christmas, so I naturally booked some plane tickets for us and the kids, and Amelia," he said with a shrug, slipping her hand in his. She had a sense of where this was going but looking up at him expectantly.

"Oh did you?" she laughed, pulling her hair out of the braid she'd carefully constructed earlier in the day.

"I did, Christmas Eve we're going to New York for a Shepherd family Christmas," he grinned, kissing her on the lips again. Meredith smiled wider, unable to hide her excitement. She loved her in laws and wished she could spend more time with them, so every moment they were able to spend with his family was treasured.

"Really!? Oh my gosh, how the heck did Bailey let you do that!?" she questioned, a new bounce in her step. He couldn't help but laugh at how excited she was; if this were five years ago she'd be running in the other direction.

"I have no idea considering she's losing three neurosurgeons for four days, but we have tickets and we're going, so we're going home and packing," he smirked as they reached the lounge and started changing into their regular clothes.

Meredith couldn't wait to tell Zola and Bailey that they would be spending Christmas with all of their aunts, uncles, and cousins, and made a mental note to box up all of their Santa gifts and send them to Carolyn's house. Up until now she had been planning a quiet Christmas, with Derek, the kids, and her sisters, and maybe with whoever from the hospital who could come, but this was going to be so much better. It was their first Christmas traveling to New York and she couldn't wait for the excitement and surprises it had in store for them.

* * *

 **So I promised an update for you guys today and here it is! I hope you liked it! I'm excited that I'm starting to get caught up in 'real time' although that'll probably be short lived. I keep meaning to write Addison into this story but I'm trying to find the right place for her. She's one of my favorite characters besides Meredith and I adore her to pieces. I might throw her in as a consult or something, but I'm not sure!**

 **The baby is definitely going to named Ellis, but all children after that will have names of my own choosing ;)**

 **I decided I'm going to post my AU Greys ballet fic. I have a pretty decent way of updating my fics; update one at a time, in order of which needs to be updated and it's pretty easy for me. I promise each and every one of you that I will never abandon a fic. If it ever gets too difficult for me to come up with storylines, I will find a way to gracefully end the fic, but at the moment I see all three of these fics going on for awhile.**

 **The ballet fic is called Came to Dance and should be posted shortly! Just have to set everything up for it. If you're signed up for alerts for me you should get an alert, if not just look in the Grey's tag! I hope you like it!**


	11. All I Want for Christmas Is You

Christmas Eve came soon enough, and early in the morning the Shepherds found themselves among thousands of other people at SEA-TAC. Meredith held a sleeping Bailey in her arms as they sat in hard plastic seats, waiting for their flight to board. Finally the announcement was made and luckily, with two kids and Meredith pregnant, they were among the first to board. The pair still hated flying; it made Meredith nervous beyond belief, and as she clutched Bailey to her chest, she reached out her hand for Derek's, needing to know that he was there and he would always be there, no matter what happened. Zola sat between them, a big girl on a plane for the second time in her life, and Meredith was able to relax and get some sleep of her own. Amelia is on the other side of the aisle and luckily, she takes Bailey for most of the flight, entertaining him somehow and cuddling him when the plane rocks him to sleep

The flight was six hours give or take, which was good because it gave Meredith some much needed sleep. Derek dozed off and on, but he was in charge of the kids mostly, letting Meredith sleep. Soon enough she'd be deprived of sleep 24/7. Landing at JFK was an ordeal, with Derek gathering carry-on's and Meredith gathering Zola and Bailey. They make their way towards baggage claim, where they find Carolyn waiting for them. Meredith can't help but smile, knowing that the exhaustion she feels will melt away once they arrive at the Shepherd house.

"Mom!" she smiles, throwing her arms around the solid Shepherd matriarch, her 31-week belly getting in the way. Carolyn smiles, touching the roundness of her stomach with awe.

"Oh Meredith, this is the best Christmas present ever," Carolyn smiles, and Meredith grins back. She knows how much it means to her, to be able to see her growing belly like this. She had never seen her Bailey-bump in person before and she's glad that she's able to give her this gift. Derek and Amelia catch up with the two kids and greet their mother, placing Zola and Bailey on the ground.

"Merry Christmas, Mom," Derek smiled, giving his mom a hug, as Zola hugged her grandmothers leg. Amelia rubbed exhaustion from her eyes and forced a smile.

"Merry Christmas," she smiled, leaning in for a hug and stifling a yawn.

Amelia hid at the back of the group, looking somewhat guilty. She was the worst at keeping in touch with her mother and the rest of the family, save for Meredith and Derek, and she forced a smile as she shuffled up to her mother.

"Hi Mom, Merry Christmas," she said meekly, knowing she was going to hear it sooner or later. Carolyn made a small face at her youngest daughter, before pulling her close.

"Hello Amelia," she said with a sigh, wrapping an arm around the waist as the group headed to get their suitcases and Bailey's stroller, plus the carseats.

* * *

In no time at all the family was piling into both Carolyn's car and, in Meredith and Derek's case, a rental car. JFK was about an hour from the Shepherd homestead, but Meredith was awake by now, having grabbed a coveted and rare cup of coffee at Starbucks on their way to baggage claim. Now she was content to sit back as they managed to get out of the city and on the road to Westchester County. It was snowing off and on and, though it had snowed in Seattle, Meredith couldn't help but be excited. She hadn't had a white Christmas since she was a little girl living in Boston, and sometimes then the snow had been over her head, with her nanny not allowing her to run around in it. But now she was 37 and nothing was off limits, she smirked to herself.

It didn't take long for them to reach the Shepherd house, and as soon as they did Meredith jumped out of the car, releasing Bailey from his car seat as Derek grabbed Zola. The four of them wandered through the unlocked front door, where the rest of the family was already gathered. Much like Thanksgiving, chaos ensued as cousins ran at cousins, sisters ran at Meredith and Derek, and everyone cooed over Meredith's baby bump, which must've grown a significant amount in a month because everyone was in awe of it. She smiled proudly, her hand resting on the top of it as usual. She was damn proud she'd carried this baby to 31 weeks so far; it was a huge accomplishment for her hostile uterus especially with how she'd started her pregnancy, terrified that Derek wouldn't make it day by day. And now here she was, 31 weeks and it was Christmas, spending time with her amazing sisters and mother in law. She caught Zola running around with her cousins and tugged at her arm with a laugh.

"Slow down sweetie," she said, placing a kiss on her daughters head, although Zola whined, continuing to run after the kids and Meredith sighed, before returning to her conversation with Nancy. It was around 3 PM and the kids didn't seem like they were stopping anytime soon, so Meredith focused on her conversation.

"Oh, yeah, I'm exhausted all the time and I go on maternity leave in four more weeks, I can have up to three months off but I don't know if I want to take twelve weeks off, I think I'll go crazy, you know?" she said, biting her lip. Nancy nodded along.

"I took six weeks off with all five kids," she said, clutching a glass of wine as she and Meredith talked. "I mean, as an OBGYN, I felt like I couldn't be away from my patients that long, I had mothers depending on me, you know?" Meredith laughed, she sounded so much like the woman she had met during her intern year and hated, except now the pair were close.

"Oh my gosh, right? I'm in the middle of my Neuro fellow and I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't have a surgery to do or if I'm not learning. Right now I'm passed between Derek and Amelia. Let me tell you, never have a family member be your teacher," she said with a roll of her eyes. "It's torture. And especially never let them be feuding family members," she laughed. Everyone knew that Derek and Amelia were feuding; they had been ever since Amelia could walk and talk. She'd been the bane of Derek's existence, even moreso when she started heavily drinking and getting into drugs and such. Nancy could only laugh and put a hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"Oh Meredith, you're a much better person than I am. I would've bailed months ago," she teased, before giving her a hug and touching her belly. "I'm so excited we're getting another baby in the family, and another niece! Is Derek excited it's a girl?" she asked with a smile, knowing he hated the male to female ratio in the family. Meredith's smile warmed even more.

"He's actually really excited we're having another girl," she smiled, looking down at her belly. "He likes to talk to her and sing to her, and read her stories. He's somewhat obsessed," she laughed, shaking her hair back. "He says Zola's his princess but he's excited to have another little princess in the household to boss him around," she giggled with a shake of her head. Nancy rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Of course he is, he grew up with four sisters. He knows his way around girls. He treats you like a queen and Zola is most definitely a princess; this one will be too."

"I'm nervous Bailey will feel like he's pushed aside and no one will love him anymore," she sighed, expressing her worry and tugging on his lip. "He loves cuddling up to my belly and kissing it, he knows his little sister is in there, and I'm constantly telling him how much we love him," she said with a small shrug. Nancy nodded.

"Trust me, he'll be okay, if he's anything like mine were, he'll love the baby and love being able to help out." Meredith nodded.

"That's how Zola was with Bailey, even though she was only two. He was like a real live baby doll to her and she loved being my helper," she giggled, trailing off because Derek grabbed her. "Sorry!" she called over her shoulder to Nancy as Derek pulled her into the warm family room. There was a fire going in the fireplace and the room was filled with toys, but was surprisingly empty. A Christmas tree stood in one corner, smaller than the giant one that stood in the formal living room.

"Hi," he grinned, chasing down a kiss and she grinned, throwing her arms around his neck.

"Hello you," she smiled, pulling him close. Closing her eyes, she breathed all of him in, remembering all too well that it was just over six months since the accident and her husband was here before her, 100% whole and functioning. It had been a crazy six months but she had a hell of a lot to be happy for this Christmas.

"I wanted to give you your Christmas present early, and not in front of thirty people," he smiled, slipping an arm around her waist. He reached into the pocket of his blazer and pulled out a small robin's egg blue box from Tiffany's, tied neatly with a red ribbon. Meredith shook her head at him, smiling. "Der, you shouldn't have," she insisted as he placed it on her lap.

"Yes, I should have. We had a rough start to our year, and presents don't make up for it but they help," he teased, as she pulled at the ribbon on the box and took off the lid. Inside was a little pouch, and opening the pouch, the pulled out a gorgeous white-gold bangle bracelet, with an infinity symbol set with diamonds. She gasped and looked up at him.

"Oh Derek, it's absolutely gorgeous," she smiled, slipping it onto her arm and admiring it in the firelight. She leaned over and gave him a kiss, before looking down at it again. "It's perfect, oh my god," she said, not wanting to touch it and get her fingerprints on it.

"I know infinity symbols are silly but I needed you to know, after our first half of the year, that you're my everything, Mere, you're my forever and I know I tell you that all the time and you don't need a piece of jewelry to tell you that, but I saw it and I loved it," he smiled, drawing her into a kiss. Her belly got in the way of them getting too close but she could kiss him forever.

"Merry Christmas Der," she smiled, her hands on either side of his face as she kissed him deeply. Coming up for air she gasped slightly. "I love you so much," she whispered, her forehead pressed against his, their hands clasped together, a perpetual smile on her face. His smile couldn't help but match hers.

"I love you too Mer..remember…I promise to love you even when I hate you…" he started, and she couldn't help but giggle, then continue. "No running, ever. We'll take care of each other even when we're old and smelly." She continued to laugh, looking deeply into his eyes. She took a deep breath and the both spoke at once.

" **This is Forever,"** they said together, and Meredith moved as close as she could, content to just sit on his lap for now.

* * *

Eventually the couple joined the rest of the family, catching up from the past month. Zola and Bailey were playing outside with their cousins and Meredith and Derek felt safe that the kids were being watched by their nieces and nephews as they had much-needed adult time. It was fun catching up with everyone and not having to rush around cooking everything. That was going to be tomorrow morning, really. All the adults sat around, exchanging stories and laughing until it was evening and the party was starting. Carolyn had invited over some of her long-time friends to spend time with the family. All in all it was a good time, with the kids dropping one by one. Around 9pm a sleepy Zola ran up to Meredith, her dress smudged in chocolate cake.

"Mommy I'm going to stay awake until Santa comes!" she declared, but she was already falling asleep. Meredith couldn't help but laugh as she changed her daughter into pajamas and tucked her into bed with her cousin Olivia, Kathleen's daughter who was also five.

Once all of the younger kids were asleep, the adults got to work setting out the Santa presents so that no one would be disappointed in the morning. There were 17 kids that everyone had presents for, some with Santa presents, and 12 adults with presents. Meredith had never spent Christmas on this crazy of a level, with so many people, and she had to admit that she was as excited as some of the little kids.

It was near midnight when all of the adults dragged themselves to their respective bedrooms – all of which were filled to the brim with children, Bailey asleep on a mattress on the floor of Derek's room – and she and Derek settled themselves into bed for a few hours of sleep.

* * *

It was far too early when Meredith heard the bedroom door open and tiny little feet running on the hardwood floors.

"Mama it's morning! Santa came!" Zola yelled as she climbed into the bed with Meredith and Derek. Meredith let out a small groan and opened one eye, checking the time on her phone. 5am.

"Zozo, is anyone else awake?" she asked sleepily, feeling Derek's arms pulling her closer.

"No mommy, I was the first one, but I peeked downstairs and there's so many presents!" she cried out, excitement evident in the voice. Meredith wasn't even mad, she herself was excited. She remembered being five and being excited about Christmas, waking up her dad on Christmas morning and opening up her presents.

"Zo lay here for awhile longer okay?" Mere smiled, holding Zola in her arms.

Somehow they managed to get another hour of sleep until they could hear the rest of the house stirring. By that time Bailey was awake and bouncing on the bed, waking up Derek, and there was chatter of the rest of the kids in the hallway.

"Okay okay, we're up guys," Meredith said, brushing her hair out of her eyes and sitting up, turning the light on.

"Yay!" Zola cried out, running to the door and rushing into the hall to join her cousins. Meredith turned to Derek and yawned.

"It is under negotiation as to if we're having a fourth child," she smirked, leaning over and giving him a kiss. "Merry Christmas, Der, for the eighth year," she smiled happily, sliding out of bed and stretching. Derek couldn't help but laugh as he watched the beautiful form of his heavily pregnant wife.

"Merry Christmas, gorgeous," he smiled, snatching Bailey by the waist as he followed Meredith downstairs. It was a mess of kids begging to open their presents, and parents telling them they weren't allowed to until all of their cousins were there. Parents and kids were still streaming down from upstairs, and the smell of coffee and hot chocolate was coming from the kitchen. Nancy and Lizzie were doling out presents to each person in and orderly fashion, and Meredith sunk into a seat on the couch with Bailey and Zola at her feet, Derek sitting next to him.

"Der, I love you and your family, but this is chaos even I'm not used to, and I run the Pit twice a week," she smirked. He shook his head at her, his eyes crinkling.

"Come on, you love it," he laughed, rubbing her huge bump of a belly. Their daughter was awake and kicking and he smiled even wider as he felt a strong kick to his hand.

"Of course I love it, they're family," she grinned, sticking out her tongue.

* * *

After presents were done, all the men, including Derek, took the kids out sledding, leaving the women in the house to bake and cook. Lizzie and Meredith were in charge of pies, cakes, and cookies, which she was pleased with. There were four pies, two cakes, and several different types of cookies, which slightly overwhelmed Meredith since she was just learning how to cook but she loved being with her sisters. Amelia was there, quizzing her on everything Neuro, which Meredith didn't mind seeing as how she as going to be absent for awhile, and the sisters just generally chatted about anything and everything. Nancy piped up in the middle of everything.

"So Mere, do you and Derek have any names for the baby yet?" she asked, as Meredith sprinkled red sugar crystals on a sugar cookie. She looked up, shrugging her shoulders.

"Eh…not really. I mean, we have names we like, but we aren't set on anything I guess. With Bailey we didn't know his name until he was a few hours old. I think we want to meet her first before we give her a name, you know? But her middle name is going to be Alexandra, after my sister Lexie," she said, taking a deep breath. God, it hurt so bad to mention her name. "She's the one who died in the plane crash," she explained, pinpricks of tears coming to her eyes. She didn't want to cry or bring the mood down, not on Christmas. Nancy nodded.

"I like that. With our kids we had picked out a few names, but did choose until they were born." Kathleen interceded.

"I named all of mine before they were born. Everyone's different though with how they name their kids, you know?" she shrugged, throwing Meredith a smile. Meredith smiled back, popping her cookie sheet into the oven before grabbing the mixer to make a cake.

"Plus, Bailey is technically named Derek, but we've never called him that," she laughed, shaking her head a bit. "I don't think he'll know his first name until he starts school and then suddenly he'll be like, mommy what the hell is this?" she continued laughing, gathering ingredients for the pound cake.

The girls all laughed, knowing it was true. His name might be Derek but no one would never call him that. He was one of those kids doomed to be called by his middle name.

* * *

Christmas dinner was spectacular. There was so much food to go around, so much wine, and so much love and laughter. Meredith couldn't believe there was a time in her life that this was something she didn't want – a stable family to lean on, children that surprised her each and every moment of the day, a husband she loved with everything she had, and more. She looked around the room, at all that she had slowly gained in the past eight years, and decided that being Meredith Shepherd was infinitely better than being Meredith Grey. Both women were strong, they had suffered, they had endured, but one woman had chosen a different path of life and tumbled out the other end for the better. This Christmas everything had truly come full circle and she was able to see how much she had grown since she had come to Seattle – she was sitting in the dining room of her mother in laws house. The girl who had come to Seattle never would have done that. Leaning over to Derek to whisper something in his ear, she smiled contently to herself, knowing she was exactly where she was supposed to be this Christmas.

* * *

 **So this chapter got kind of long but I like how it turned out! I sort of thought back and realized that in Grey's time it's been 7-8 years of MerDer (or at least I think it has) so I went off on a tangent, oops? But yes! Here's my Christmas, Merder style!**

 **Next chapter will be another time jump to when the baby is born, moving things along. It's going to be dramatic like when Ellis is born on the show, because I'm doing things that I can do in canon if I can. I'll try and crank it out by Monday or so** **I usually update when I'm nannying and I was just offered another nannying job on the weekends and I'm debating if I want to take it because money!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like the chapter! Please read and review! I'm loving all of the reviews so far!**


	12. The Heart of Life

35 weeks was an unfathomable number than Meredith had never thought she'd see with this pregnancy. It had it's ups and down, but she had made it through to maternity leave. She had also made it through the baby shower that Maggie and April had insisted on throwing for her, that had consisted of pink and bows and tiny baby things everywhere.

At this point the nursery was finished to Meredith's liking, with purple and butterflies everywhere, a comfortable rocker in the corner, and the things she has registered for tucked away either in the closet or on shelves in the room. Everyday she went into the nursery and smiled, unable to wait any longer for their baby girl to arrive.

With maternity leave came more nesting, and once again Meredith found herself with piles upon piles of laundry to do, but she didn't care. Among the piles were brand new baby clothes to wash, things the baby would be able to wear once she came home from the hospital. Seeing the clothes being washed, and subsequently folded, only made her yearning for the baby to come even more. Just a few more weeks, she would tell herself, and then she would miss the peaceful nights and the days where she would be able to take a nap.

* * *

One Saturday morning, Derek left the house for work, leaving Meredith with Zola and Bailey. She had a basket of clean laundry in her arms and was leaving the laundry room to go to their bedroom to fold everything when suddenly there was a searing pain through her stomach.

"Ahhhh!" she cried out, stumbling little, dropping the laundry basket as her arms went protectively to her stomach. The second time it happened she was down on her knees and she could feel something sticky between her legs. Knowing the worst, she looked down and a pool of blood had already begun to form beneath her. There was more and more pain as she held onto her stomach, tears forming in her eyes. Zola, having heard her cries, ran into the kitchen.

"Mommy there's blood, you're bleeding, should I call 911?" she asked, and Meredith, feeling weaker by the minute, nodded.

"Yes Zola, call 911, tell them here we live, she breathed out in heavy gasps. She was on her back now, blood pooling around her, willing herself to knock unconscious. Anything but the ripping pain in her abdomen, anything to not know the fate of her baby right now.

She could hear Zola running to grab her cell phone, she could hear her speaking to someone on the phone, but everything seemed so disconnected from what was happening to her right now. Pain continued to rip through her belly and she felt tears running down her face. She had to be okay, the baby had to be okay. Zola ran to stand by her side, clearly upset.

"Mommy what's happening?" she asked; Meredith could tell she was upset but trying to hide it from her.

"Go be with Bay, Zola, and answer the door when the ambulance comes," Meredith choked out, before everything went black.

* * *

Meredith came to in the ambulance, but everything was fuzzy around the edges. There was an oxygen mask covering her mouth and nose, she felt an IV in her hands, and the ever present pain ripping through her stomach. Zola was strapped into a seat in the ambulance, and Bailey was on the lap of an EMT. She struggled to remove the oxygen mask but an EMT next to her moved her hand away.

"Dr. Grey, you need to keep this on. You've lost a lot of blood…" he started to say, before she drifted out of consciousness again.

* * *

When she woke up again they were moving her out of the ambulance and onto a gurney, and suddenly Derek was at her side. She tried to move the oxygen mask again, and Derek kept it firmly on her face, brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead. April had grabbed Zola and Bailey and moved them out of the way, intent on bringing them to daycare until further notice. Owen rushed out, realized that their patient was Meredith and she was covered in blood, and acted quickly.

"Bring her to trauma two and page Arizona and Dr. Ryan," he called out, as Meredith was brought inside. She was moved onto the trauma table, Derek staying by her. He refused to move even when Hunt ordered him out. Jo rushed in and immediately began an ultrasound, the entire room silent for a moment. When a heartbeat was detected everyone sprung into action, especially once as Dr. Ryan and Arizona rushed in.

"She needs an emergency c-section," Dr. Ryan announced, handing consent forms to Derek. He looked up, still in shock that his wife had arrived at the hospital in such a state, but quickly signed the forms. Nothing was allowed to happen to her.

Meredith lay on the gurney, miserable that this was happening. This was not how this was supposed to happen. She was supposed to deliver at 38 weeks with a VBAC, not another crash c-section filled with blood. Tears filled her eyes and she reached for Derek, who grabbed her hand and held on tightly.

"Come on Meredith, we're going to make it through this," he promised her, walking with the gurney as they brought her up to the OR. Once they were there they removed her clothes and got her into a hospital gown, cleaning up a lot of the blood as they prepped her for the c-section. Derek took a seat by Meredith's head, trying to soothe her worries as they put up the curtain. Despite being a surgeon, he knew that she less she saw of her own surgery, the better.

"Okay Meredith, we're going to put you out for the surgery so we can repair any damage done," Dr. Ryan said. Meredith went to protest but Derek shushed her.

"That's fine Connie, thank you. I'm just going to stay right where I am, if that's fine," he said, giving her a reassuring smile, and giving Meredith another kiss, this time on the lips. "Look at me, Mer. You're a survivor. You're strong. You have suffered and you have endured. You're not going to die during a c-section. You're going to die when we're one hundred and ten, warm in our bed together." Tears formed in her eyes for the millionth time today and she nodded. The nurses had begun hanging blood, fluids, and antibiotics in preparation for the surgery.

"I love you, Derek," she whispered, pressing her lips together.

"I love you too. Now count backwards from one hundred," he said, as he saw the anesthesiologist come at her with the mask. She barely reached ninety seven before she was out.

* * *

Meredith was out for several hours after the c-section. Upon waking up, every little thing in her body ached from head to toe. The first thing she noticed was that she was still receiving a blood transfusion. The second thing she noticed was the tiny little cry from the other side of the room. Turning her head slowly, she drank in the sight of Derek, dressed in his street clothes now, looking down at a small pink bundle in his arms.

"I know, princess, life is so rough right now, but you're going to meet your mommy soon, and everything's going to be better," he cooed to his new daughter, who he was proud to say looked strikingly like him.

"Mmm Der," Meredith managed to say, lifting her head slightly. Derek turned around and smiled, gently walking over to the bed and sitting down.

"How do you feel? You gave us all a huge scare…Connie said you lost half of your blood on the kitchen floor, Mere," he said, leaning over and kissing her. She wasn't surprised to hear that about her blood; it **felt** like she'd lost half her blood volume. She felt weak and sick, and was pretty glad she had a catheter going right now because there was no way she was standing up anytime soon.

"I feel…like crap. Am I allowed to hold her? Has she been fed?" she asked, biting her lip. She wanted to lean forward and peek inside the blanket, but she was so tired, and her incision hurt so badly. That was when she noticed she was hooked up to a morphine pump. She pressed the button and the release helped slightly.

"Here you go," he said, gently setting their nameless daughter into her arms. Meredith looked down and a bright smile spread across her face.

"She's perfect and gorgeous," she sighed happily, looking down at her hours old baby. Despite everything that happened today, she as able to sit back and smile at the joy she had brought into the world. "She also needs a name," she said, closing her eyes and taking a much needed deep breath. "Do you have any ideas?" she asked Derek. God, she was exhausted. He shrugged his shoulders slightly.

"I have ideas but nothing I'm too sold on. Did you have anything?" he asked her, watching her interact with the baby. He was tired of calling her 'the baby', they'd done that for 35 weeks. She was here now and she needed a name.

"I do…and hear me out. I want to name her Ellis," she said, biting down on her lip and waiting for a reaction. He looked up with a smile, before looking at their daughter.

"Ellis…would be a perfect name for our little fighter. Just like her grandmother. She's going to be a force of nature, if her way into the world is any indication," he smiled, reaching out to grab her tiny hand. Despite coming a few weeks early, Ellis weighed 5 pounds, 8 ounces, and was 17 inches long. Arizona had cleared her from the NICU, and she was allowed to stay in the room with Meredith.

"Ellis Alexandra Shepherd," Meredith smiled, reaching down and placing a kiss on her soft, sweet forehead. "Ellie for short. I like Ellie as a nickname. Oh, she's hungry," she pouted, as Ellie started rooting on her. She unsnapped one side of her gown and gentle directed Ellie towards her breast, making a face as she latched on. "I forgot how weird breast feeding is," she giggled, looking up at Derek. "We have a baby again. We are never getting sleep, ever again," she said, shaking her head. Derek only laughed.

"Give me ten minutes and I'll be back, okay?" he said. Meredith nodded, content with feeding Ellis for now.

* * *

It was longer than ten minutes, but Derek eventually came back with Amelia.

"Derek I've been in surgery all day, why the hell are we going to a patients room? Seriously you're compromising my time," she whined as he pushed her in the door. She saw Meredith in the bed holding a little bundle and let out a small noise. "She's here! My eleventh niece!" she cried out, rushing over to the bed. "Oh how unfortunate, she looks exactly like Derek," she deadpanned, before cooing over Ellis. "What's her name?" she asked, as Meredith gently passed her to her.

"Ellis Alexandra Shepherd," Derek said proudly, coming up behind his sister. Amelia was already smitten with the newest Shepherd girl.

"Okay Ellis, we're going to have a talk, because there's only four girls in this family with the last name Shepherd, and I'm the cool one. Your mom says she's cool but she's your mom so she's not really." Meredith snorted and rolled her eyes. "Come to me with all your problems and I'll sort you out," she teased. "Boy advice? Maybe ask your mom about that, I don't do well with boys. Although your mom says she sucked at dating until she met my big brother so maybe you're kind of screwed in that area." Meredith and Derek were laughing hard, and Amy looked up with a smile. "Congratulations guys, you made a perfect baby. She even has tour perfect hair Der, not like I'd expect anything else. I mean, Bailey might be blonde but even his hair does the little shwoop thing," she teased, gently passing Ellis to Derek before sitting down on Meredith's bed.

"Derek told me what happened. How are you feeling? Zola's smart," she said with a smile.

"I'm….truthfully I'm a little drugged right now. I'm completely detached from what happened this morning. I need someone to go home and clean up the kitchen. I feel like it happened to someone else and not me. But…I'm here, and Ellie is here, and it happened. And I survived something horrible again. I'm still standing, Meredith Shepherd will rise again. And now we have Ellie, who's perfect and gorgeous and at the end of the day we're both here," she said, morphine tending to get her to blab a bit. Amelia nodded along.

"I can get Zola and Bailey and bring them home, I'll clean up the kitchen for you. I'll watch them as long as you two are here. And I'll even be that awesome sister that stays with you and helps you out with all three kids, because I don't have my own kids and I love my seventeen nieces and nephews," she grinned, hugging Derek and reaching down to hug Meredith.

"I know I get mad and tell you I hate you, but I love you Amelia," Meredith grinned with her nose scrunched. She was high as a kite from the morphine.

"I love you too, Mere. I'm gonna go grab Zo and Bailey, but I love you so much and I'm so happy for you guys! Can they visit tomorrow?" she asked, knowing that Meredith was too weak and out of it tonight.

"Of course they can visit tomorrow," Meredith said, as Amelia rushed out the door. Meredith turned to look at Derek and sighed. "Come to bed with me," she pouted. Ellie had just been fed and was asleep, and she was absolutely exhausted. Derek smiled and tucked Ellie into the hospital bassinet, pulling it close to the bed, before climbing into bed with Meredith. It had been a crazy, scary, and long day, but the end result was the sweetest thing, and that was something he would never forget about today.

* * *

 **Aggggh! So I had written an entirely different chapter and thought I had saved it, so when Word asked me if I wanted to save my changes I said no. So now it's 5:15 AM and I told myself i wasn't going to bed until I had rewritten this darn chapter! It's a bit differet from the original but I like how it turned out regardless :)**

 **I'm proud of myself for keeping up with three stories; I find it fun to write so much, it's never a chore, and since all three stories are so different it's great! I love writing for you guys, you're all so amazing!**

 **Still loving the reviews! So read and review guys! I'm getting close to 100 reviews for this story and I'm so so so excite** d!


	13. This Is Home

Meredith and Ellis stayed in the hospital for a few days after Ellis was born; Meredith's stay was mandatory since she had a c-section and it had been a complication, and Ellis had stayed since her mother was there and everyone knew Meredith would raise hell if her daughter was sent home and she was not. And so what was supposed to be two days, ended up being four, until Connie and Arizona both signed her discharge papers.

Alex was called upon to take Meredith down to Derek's car. Normally she would bitch and moan about being in a wheelchair, but she was too involved in gazing at her oerfect baby girl in her arms. Only once they were outside and she tucked a warmer blanket around Ellie, before Alex helped her into the car. Her c-section scar was killing her, and Derek ran around to her side of the car and took Ellis, buckling herself into her carseat, before getting into the drivers seat and smiling at Meredith.

"You ready to bring her home?" he asked her with a smile.

"I'm about as ready as I'll ever be, she's our third. It should be easy by now, right?" she giggled, already completely exhausted. Derek started the car and they were off on the hour-long drive to Bainbridge.

* * *

Once the family arrived at home, Derek grabbed the carseat and Meredith followed him into the house. There were banners and streamers everywhere, with Amelia chasing Bailey and Zola around.

"Hey Amy we're home," Derek said, setting the car seat on the kitchen table. Zola squealed and ran over to Derek.

"Daddy I missed you so much! Is that my new baby sister!?" She exclaimed, climbing on the table

Meredith laughed and went over to the table, gently unbuckling Ellis from her seat and lifting her into her arms.

"Why don't you sit on the couch and you can hold her? Bails can sit with you and daddy can take photos, she said with a smile. Amelia was in the kitchen busy preparing something to eat. The three kids sat on the couch, with baby Ellie on Zola's lap, and they snapped photo after photo, knowing that they'd never be able to capture this moment in time again.

* * *

In the hospital Ellis had been a great sleeper – all she did was sleep and only wake up when she was hungry. Home was an entirely different story. She went to sleep in the bassinet, but when she woke up to eat she refused to go back to sleep, wailing on and o for hours. Luckily Derek had taken paternity leave so he was home with Meredith, and with their bedroom downstairs it seemed easier to keep the screaming baby away from the rest of the household, but soon enough Zola entered the room with a frown on her face.

"Mommy, why won't Ellie stop crying? I have school in the morning and I'm sleepy," she whined. Derek picked her up and brought her back to her room, laying with her until she fell asleep, but Ellis had woken up Amelia. She didn't care as much since she had crazy hours as a doctor, and the three adults too turns trying to calm Ellie. Meredith even tried to feed her again but to no avail

Finally around 5:30 in the morning, Ellis fell asleep with the tree adults passing out on Meredith and Derek's bed. Meredith had texted Arizona and Callie to please come pick up the older kids, and when hey did she barely heard them, she was that exhausted. She had forgotten how much work it was to have a newborn; Bailey had cried a lot in the beginning and it had been crazy, but somehow they'd made it work.

Ellis slept for awhile, and didn't wake up until around 10, this time with a dirty diaper. Amelia volunteered to chance t and soon she had a sweet baby in her arms who was hungry.

"Mer, are you breastfeeding or pumping?" she asked her sister in law, who's eyes were still closed.

"Breast until I go back to work," she mumbled, sitting up a bit. She unhooked the breast feeding bra she wore and took Ellie, gently guiding her so that she latched on almost write away. Derek was still asleep next to her and Amelia yawned loudly.

"You know what they say about kids," she said with a small smirk on her face.. "It takes a village," she laughed, playing with her hair. "You two definitely have a village to help you raise you're kids." She looked down at her split ends and started making them worse. "I hope it's the same when Owen and I have kids," she mumbled, turning away. Meredith smiled.

"Amelia you're a part of the village, of course it's going to be the same, she grinned. Ellis had fallen aleep in the middle of eating so she gently nudged her awale o else Meredith's breasts were going to leak.

After about 20 minutes Ellis was done and back to sleep. Meredith was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, but the house was a mess. She painfully stood up from he bed, her scar killing her, as she left the bedroom and heading into the main part if he house. It was a complete wreck but she didn't feel like doing anything about it. She was sore and tired, so instead she sat down on the couch and turned on the tv, finding a show on Netflix to watch,

* * *

After a week at home with Derek and Ellie, Meredith was stir crazy. It was March and damp outside, not rainy but just that usual damp weather. Meredith was quietly rocking Ellie in her nursery when Derek popped his head in with a smile.

"You up for going for a walk?" he asked her, and her eyes went wide.

"You bet your sweet ass I am," she smiled. She stood up from the rocker and busied herself in Ellie's nursery, looking for warm clothes to put her in. Once Ellie was dress, the pair went to Meredith's room where she changed into jeans and a sweater with a pair of boots. In the main room Mere grabbed her coat, scarf, and hat, then manged to find the baby carried, strapping it to herself and gently putting Ellis in it. Derek was waiting by the front door and he gently kissed Ellie on the top of her head with a smile.

"She's eleven days old and she's aleady my princes," he laughed, opening the front door as they stepped out into the rare, late winter sunshine.

What the couple loved about the land they lived on was that it was heavily wooded, and over the years they'd created their own hiking trils. Derek guided them to one of the longer ones; about 3 miles long, and the set off hand in hand Meredith's other hand on Ellie's back in the carrier. The day wasn't too cold and Derek had conditioned Meredith to like the outdoors; in recent years he had even convinced her to go camping with his family.

"It's beautiful today," she commented with a warm smile, squeezing his hand.

"It is, I'm with my two favorite girls," he grinned, laughing a little. "Don't tell Zoal I said that, although she's kind of picky about boys though, I think she's going through her 'boys have cooties' phase," he laughed some more.

"That is 100% fine with me. Let her believe boys have cooties for the rest oh her life and I'll be perfectly happy," Meredith responded with a grin. "Our daughters can't date until they're 40. Neither can Bailey for that matter," she giggled. She looked down at Ellie in her carrier; she was sound asleep and looked so peaceful, all bundled up. "We should make a list of rules that they have to follow," she laughed, teasing at this point.

"Like no dating until they're 40. And they have to do the dishes after dinner every day, and make their beds every day, and when we get a dog it's their responsibility," he smirked. Meredith shook her head.

"No dog until Ellis stops screaming through the night and she's older. I can't deal with a newborn and a puppy that's peeing all over the place" she giggled as they hiked through the woods. She loved the property he had bought when he first moved here, all those years ago. She'd never seen land that matched the beauty of the plot they live on, and they were always finding something new when they went exploring. She didn't Zola and Bailey play in the woods yet; it was off limits until they were older. They were allowed to play in the fenced in backyard, and the pool was padlocked unless there was an adult around.

Eventually the reached a cliff and Meredith stood a few week away, taking a deep breath, absolutely in awe of the view. She could see snow-covered Mount Rainier in the distance surrounded by smaller peaks, and it was just gorgeous.

"Trust you to get the best plot of land in all of Seattle," she giggled, shivering slightly. It was cold despite the sunshine but she didn't mind it; the view up here was absolutely perfect and in this moment she felt alive, with just Derek and Ellis. She felt guilty for not having Bailey and Zola with them right now, but she knew that time spent with Derek and Ellis was time to treasure; Ellis wouldn't be this tiny and young for long.

* * *

A few days later, Carolyn and the sisters arrived from the east coast to meet the newest Shepherd. None of the cousins or husbnds came, which Meredith was grateful for. She was exhausted and just wasn't up for entertaining a hoarde of people. But Carolyn and the sisters were calm and quiet, and excited to meet their new granddaughter and niece. Derek had gone to pick them up at the airport and upon arriving back the house, they quietly came in. Meredith was sitting on the couch with a book, while Ellie was sound asleep in her swing, which they'd discovered was magic. They'd also discovered a magical thing called a rock and play, which was sort of like a cradle that rocked back and forth on it's own, and put Ellis to sleep almost immediately. It had saved them from screams, wails, and sleepless nights.

Carolyn was the first to break as she saw baby Ellis.

"May I hold her?" she asked Meredith, who dog-eared her book with a smile.

"Of course you can! Don't be crazy, she's your granddaughter," she smiled, hoisting herself up from the couch as Carolyn scooped up Ellie from her swing. She woke up and started fussing, but Carolyn didn't mind. She quietly spoke to her, fussing over her and smiling.

"Oh, you look just like your daddy did when he was born, yes you do, but you have your mommys nose and you look a little big more like a girl than he did" she smiled, walking around the house with her. She was completely smitten with her new granddaughter, and her own daughters hovered around her, waiting to hold Ellie. All except Amelia, who was still at the hospital and lived with Ellis.

"Mom I want to be next!" Nancy whined, sounding 13 instead of nearly 49. Carolyn chuckled and gently passed Ellis off to her. Nancy smiled, her heart melting as she took in the tiny finger nails, the sweet rosebud mouth, and the dark blue eyes that shone whenever Ellis opened her eyes every so often.

"God Meredith, she's absolutely perfect, you and Derek need more perfect babies," she grinned, looking at her sister in law. Meredith had to laugh.

"Well after two near death experiences with Bailey and Ellis, I'm somewhat hesitant to get pregnant since who knows what'll happen," she laughed with a shrug. Lizzie was next as she cradled Ellis in her arms. It had been awhile since she'd held a newborn.

"Well hello Miss Princess, your daddy is going to spoil you so much, now he has two princess's to spoil. And your parents gave you an awfully big name to live up to," she grinned, flashing Meredith a smile to make sure she knew she was teasing. "We're all so excited you're finally here," she smiled, kissing her on the forehead before passing her off to Kathleen.

"Hi little girl, I'm your Aunt Kathleen. I'm the one who's going to give you unsolicitated psychology advice when you ask me about boys," she giggled, and they all burst into laughter. It was true though, she tended to go into shrink mode half the time and talk to people like they were her patients.

Once everyone had had their fill, Meredith gently took her back and placed her back in the swing. She fussed for a few minutes before being lulled to sleep. Meredith turned back to the rest of her family.

"How was your flight? I hope it wasn't terrible, I'm so glad you guys came!" she smiled, finally table to give them all hugs and a proper greeting.

"Really? We wouldn't miss meeting Ellis for the world," Lizzie grinned. She was younger than Kathleen and Nancy and still had young children; her youngest was one and a half.

"I know, but still! I get free babysitters and parenting tips," she giggled, gesturing them into the living area where they all sat down on the couch.

"So mom sort of told us what happened with the delivery but what REALLY happened?" Nancy asked. She was an OBGYN and was always curious about things. Meredith took a deep breath and sighed.

"I was on maternity leave and the kids were home, I was going from the laundry room to the bedroom with clean clothes and I had this terrible pain in my stomach, it felt like a knife ripping through me. I sort of fell down to my knees, and then it felt wet so I looked down and I was bleeding. So I called for Zola and told her to call 911, and she did. I passed out and I came to in the ambulance, and then I passed out again. When I woke up again they were unloading me from the ambulance and Derek was holding my hand. They took me into a trauma room and Ellis was fine, but I had a placental abruption so they rushed me up to the OR. They tried to kick Derek out but he refused and sat at my head the whole time; they knocked me out with anesthesia. I woke up a few hours later and Derek was sitting by the window holding her," she said with a smile. "We didn't have a name so I suggested Ellis. Ellis Alexandra. Alexandra for Lexie," she said with a smile. All the women nodded. None of them had ever had nightmare c-sections, but Nancy had had to do them on women before.

"You went through a lot, I don't blame you if you don't want to have anymore," Lizzie said, sighing slightly.

"That's the thing though," Meredith said with a small smile, looking over at Ellis. "I think I want more. Because no mater how difficult the morning sickness is, being unable to run in the hospital, having your hours cut so you don't pass out, and having crazy labor stories, keeping you up all night…they kind of make it all worth it when they're in your arms." She said, hardly daring to believe the words coming out of her mouth, but it was true. It was definitely 100% worth it.

"The crazy thing is…when I met Derek I didn't want this. Any of this. I mean, our first wedding was on a post-it!" she giggled, and her sisters laughed with her. "And then we had the courthouse wedding for Zola. And then we had the real wedding with the white dress and bridesmads and everything, and then Bailey came, and I thought, wow, I want this kind of life. And it was like I grew up overnight because suddenly I had two children and a husband," she said. She was rambling and she knew it but in this moment she was so proud of herself for all of the insecurities she had overcome. She was secure in her life, in her relationship with Derek, in being a mother. Everything had all of a sudden came natural towards her. "My biggest pitfall was becoming my mother," she said, smiling over at Carolyn. "But in all of that, I ended up becoming my mother in law, and I'm quite proud of myself, because I realized I can have it all. A marriage, a family, and a successful career. My mother simply didn't try hard enough," she said softly, as Lizzie reached over and embraced her. Something she'd noticed over the years were that her sisters were the same – they had it all as well, and she chalked it up to Carolyn. Mere stood up, moving over to Carolyn and smiling brightly. "Thank you, for showing me a loving family, and teaching me that having it all is possible. I learned it all from you," she grinned, pulling back. Carolyn Shepherd was the mother she had never had, and despite the fact that she had learned so many useful surgical skills from Ellis Grey, she had learned much more about life from Carolyn Shepherd and she was going to make sure all three of her children regularly saw their nana as they grew up.

* * *

 **So yay, Meredith and Ellis are home! Let the crazy, delirious sleepless nights begin!**

 **Even though they've only had her on the show once, I'd like to think Carolyn and Meredith have a great mother/daughter relationship, since Meredith never had one with Ellis. I wish they had shown more of that, and more with Derek's sisters besides Amelia!**

 **Also! All my chapter titles in all three fics are song titles, so if you want the song/artist just ask me!**

 **Please read and review! I'm 11 reviews from 100 so I'd love to get 11 reviews for this chapter! Love you guys! Now I'm off to update another fic ;)**


	14. As Long As I Have You

Meredith Grey was tired. No. She was beyond tired. With three kids in the house, she wasn't getting any sleep at all. Even with Ellie in the rock and play, she still wasn't getting sleep. She was a human cow, always running around pumping or breast feeding, or taking care of Bailey and Zola. Ellie was three weeks old now, and Zola was on spring break. At least Amy was nice enough to bring the older pair to the hospital daycare every day so that Derek and Meredith could at least try to get some rest, but it seemed like every time they fell asleep, five minutes later Ellie was screaming. She wouldn't trade her perfect daughter for anything in the world, but she just wanted some freaking sleep.

The sad part was, she could fall asleep anywhere now, and so could Derek. One day she sent Derek to the store to get more milk for the kids…two hours later she found him asleep in the car. She had found herself asleep in the shower at one point one day before realizing she was slumped against the wall. Couch cushions were great for cuddling too.

But really, Meredith wouldn't change a thing. They'd had a hell of a 2015, and 2016 was their new year. New year, new baby, renewed marriage, renewed life. They were spending so much time together and Meredith couldn't complain. Even at the 4 am feedings, he was awake with her, talking to her and making her laugh, even when she wanted to break down and cry. It had been three years since Bailey was born, and it was like learning how to be a parent all over again, and she loved it so much.

One day, when Ellis was actually sleeping and Meredith was sorting the laundry in the living room as Derek paged through a medical journal, an idea popped into her head.

"We should renew our vows, Der," she said, continuing to fold tiny little baby clothes along with Zola and Bailey's clothes. Derek looked up with a curious smile on his face.

"Any reason why?" he asked her, watching as she neatly folded everything.

"Well. We almost lost one another a few times last year, and this year is our five year anniversary so it just fits. I don't think I'd wear a wedding gown again but I think it's something sweet we should do," she said with a smile, finished with her basket of laundry. She flopped down next to him on the couch and gave him a kiss. "Thoughts?"

Derek took his time and thought about it; she had a good point. Between his being in DC, the car accident, and her near-fatal placental abruption, they'd had a lot of close calls.

"I think it's a great idea," he grinned, wrapping his arms around his wife gently. Her incision was still hurting her despite the fact that it had been three weeks. She'd had it checked out and the doctor had said it was fine, but it still hurt to lift the older kids and to bend over. She knew it would heal in time but for now, she hated that it hurt. Every time she felt the pain she was brought back to that moment on the kitchen floor, bleeding out and losing consciousness in front of Zola, and she wondered what lasting effect it had on the five year old.

* * *

Amy picked up the kids from daycare and brought them home, just as Meredith was removing their favorite food from the oven – mac and cheese. Zola ran into the house, her cheeks pink with cold, and wrapped her arms around Meredith's leg.

"Momma I miss seeing you all day!" she cried out, and Meredith wished she could bend down and pick her up.

"I know sweetie, but momma has to be home with your baby sister." As soon as she said the words, Meredith could feel the tantrum coming on.

"But why does Ellie get you all day? Ellie gets EVERYTHING! I want to be with you all day but everything is about Ellie!" she screamed, throwing her backpack down and stomping out of the room. She stomped up the staircase, making sure each footstep was heard before she slammed the doors. Meredith looked from Amelia to Derek, her eyes wide.

"Did she just…"

"I think she did," Derek said, looking alarmed.

"I think we can retire Hurricane Amelia and introduce Hurricane Zola," Amy chimed in, perched on a bar stool. During all of this Bailey was calmly playing with his trucks in the corner of the living room, minding his own business. "Hey at least one of your kids is quiet," she joked, taking a sip of her water. She had a point. Ellie was still quiet.

Meredith left the kitchen and peeked into the nursery; Ellie was indeed still asleep, peacefully rocking back and forth. Meredith smiled at her perfect little girl, before closing the door again; the baby monitor was in the kitchen. Sighing, she returned to the kitchen, rubbing her temples.

"Zola is way too young to be acting like this. Do you think she's jealous of Ellis? I mean, new baby, she's not the only girl in the house anymore…Guys help me, I didn't grow up with sisters, I met them after we were adults, remember?" she sighed.

"Well. I have three older sisters and I remember when Amelia was born I was jealous because there was a new baby and I wasn't the center of attention anymore, because this pain in the ass was," he said, pointing to Amelia, who rolled her eyes.

"Der, you're the only boy, you're the apple of mom's eye, you can do no wrong," she teased him, sticking out her tongue.

"Yeah? And you're the youngest! You don't call her for months and you're still her little princess."

"Okay as much as I love you, and despite the fact that I'm a Shepherd too, there will be no fighting in my dream house, okay?" she said, waving a spoon around as she dished up mac and cheese between five plates, setting them on the table. Amelia busied herself by filling water glasses, with two cups of milk for the kids.

"Der, will you get Zola please?" she said, pulling out a loaf of garlic bread from the oven. He nodded and headed upstairs, gently knocking on her door.

"Zozo? Zola sweetie? It's daddy, can I come in?" When she didn't answer he pushed the door open to find her facedown on her bed crying. "Sweetie what's wrong?" he asked, sitting down next to her. She rolled over and looked up at him.

"No one loves me anymore, everyone loves Ellie. No one has time for me anymore, it's just Ellie. It's all about Ellie!" she said with a tiny little frustrated sigh. Derek smiled and laid down next to her.

"Zozo, I have a little sister too, and I was your age when she was born. Do you know who my baby sister is?"

"No daddy!"

"It's aunt Amy. And when she was born I felt left out and I felt like Nana didn't love me anymore, and I cried and I pouted and I threw a tantrum. But you know what? Nana loved me so much, she just had to take care of Aunt Amy because she was so new, and so little, that she couldn't take care of herself. And I learned that I was a big boy, and I could do things for myself that Aunt Amy couldn't. You're a big girl Zola, you can take a shower and wash your hair, and brush your teeth, and get water from the fridge, and walk around, and Ellie can't do any of those things, mommy has to help her. You're her big sister, you get to help teach her all those things. Isn't that kind of cool?" he grinned, watching as Zola's face lit up.

"That is cool Daddy! I get to be a fun big sister and teach Ellie these things!" she smiled, sitting up. Derek sat up too and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Come on Zo, mommy made mac and cheese," he grinned, taking his daughters tiny hand.

Crisis averted, for now.

* * *

 **Sorry this is so short! I was writing it and in the middle I received bad news, but I wanted to finish it. I promise a longer chapter next time!**

 **Like I've said many times before, please keep unsolicited advice to yourself. This is my work and I really do not appreciate people leaving comments with their reviews such as "oh well I was told to not do this". It's really off-putting to want to continue writing. I am 26 years old and I shockingly do know what I'm talking about when I write something. Constructive criticism is fine but I really do my research, both online and from experience.**


	15. You, Me, and the Beat

Three months flew by quickly, and suddenly Meredith found herself in the car with Derek, the five of them driving to the hospital. It pained Meredith to have to leave Ellis at daycare all day; she was only three months old, but her maternity leave was over and she had to get back to work. Her scar had stopped hurting in the middle of the second month, thankfully, and her body had slimmed down to her pre-pregnancy weight, probably from running after Bailey and Zola half the time with Ellis in a wrap clutched to her chest.

She was thrilled about coming back to work, especially back to her fellowship. Striding through the front doors of the hospital, she and Derek made their way to the daycare, ready to drill Ellis's protocol into the teachers there. Zola was at school so they just had Bailey and Ellie; Bailey ran straight for his friends while Meredith acted the role of paranoid new mom.

"She likes her bottles room temperature so don't refrigerate them, although when I need to feed her I'll likely come down. She's feisty but sweet, if she's crying check her diaper first since she's not usually fussy. She likes the swing a lot, put her in it and she'll sleep forever. She's a good baby.." she trailed off, looking down at her in the car seat. She really, really did not want to leave her and she sighed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Goodbye babygirl, mommy will be back soon to feed you," she said, drinking up all she could of Ellie. Eventually, Derek had to drag her out of the day care and upstairs to the attending's lounge so that they could change into scrubs.

Once she was changed, she braided her shorter hair, pinning it at the nape of her neck so it wouldn't get in the way today. She was on Derek's service which was great; she loved it more than Amelia's since Derek wasn't as harsh. They had a few simple surgeries scheduled for today which Meredith could easily do herself, and Derek was going to let her. She made rounds with her interns and residents, resisting the urge to roll her eyes when no one knew answers and she had to speak up for them.

"Make sure you know the patients chart and history inside and out when you walk into that goddamn room," she yelled at them. This was why she had earned the name Medusa. There was a new resident in her group today, one who looked familiar, and she dismissed the rest, zero-ing in on Dr. Blake.

"You. You're new but I know you from somewhere," she said sternly. Dr. Blake, for her credit, looked incredibly nervous.

"I just transferred into the program. I, uh, worked at Dillard, which closed because they didn't have enough money."

Meredith continued to gaze at her and suddenly it clicked.

"You're the doctor who took care of my husband when he came in from a car crash. You saved his life, you insisted on the head CT," she said. Meredith remembered being rude and bitchy to the woman, this woman before her who had saved Derek's life. Dr. Blake nodded slightly. "Thank you," Meredith mumbled. "You're on his service, and mine, until further notice," she said, before turning to round on the next patient.

* * *

Meredith found Derek in an on call room and she went in, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"The doctor who saved your life is one of our residents today," she said slowly, still comprehending that she was here and on their service. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at her. "I thanked her. I was such a bitch to her that day but I thanked her," she mumbled her head in her hands. She took a deep breath before getting up. "I have more rounds to do, I'll page you when the first patient is prepped," she said with a smiled, kissing his forehead before exiting the room.

* * *

It wasn't too long before they'd finished rounding on the patients, and Meredith sent Dr. Blake to prep their first patient while she headed down to the daycare to feed Ellis. The feeding room was quiet and dark, filled with a few rockers, and she and Ellis had half an hour of bonding time while Ellis suckled hungrily on her breast.

"I miss you during the day, princess, it's just not the same holding you all the time," she said, taking in her daughter gorgeous blue eyes and curly black hair. She looked just like Derek and she loved it. She had to admit, she and Derek made perfect looking children. All too soon, Ellie was done feeding and Meredith had to head back to the surgical floor. She handed Ellie back to one of the teachers and headed back upstairs, tying her scrub cab around her head just in time, as they were rolling the patient into the OR. It was just a simple crainiotomy, but it was _her_ crainiotomy. Flying solo during neuro procedures were things she lived for, especially since her fellowship would be over in May and she would be a board certified Neuro attending.

* * *

The surgery went well and as the interns and residents brought the patient into recovery, Meredith couldn't help but smile. She had been on a streak before her maternity leave, and she was looking to continue her streak. Derek caught her in the scrub room and drew her into a kiss, grinning.

"So my wife is kind of brilliant," he smirked, and she shook her head.

"I'm only brilliant because that's what you've made me," she insisted, shrugging her shoulders. She'd been a great general surgeon before her fellow, but it hadn't satisfied her. She didn't want to follow in mommys footsteps; she wanted to be extraordinary and change people's lives.

" Besides, you're the one that wants to cure Alzheimers," she teased, and he laughed.

"I do, and I want to cure it with you by my side," he promised her, embracing her in a hug. She let her head fall to rest on his shoulder, the two of them standing there for a few minutes.

"I love you so much," she said with a smile, inhaling his scent of soap and a lingering bit of his aftershafe.

"I love you too, and don't ever forget it," he promised her, touching the rings on her hand.

"Tonight let's start planning the renewal of our vows, since it's in June," she said, and he nodded.

"Absolutely, just have to get through a few more surgeries today," he teased, before taking her hand and walking out of the scrub room with her.

* * *

Once they were home and the kids were asleep, Meredith sat with her computer open and a notebook in her lap, pouring over things that needed to get done for the vow renewal. She was just too tired to do anything night and fell back into the cushion of pillows with exhaustion, shutting her computer. Derek came into the room not even five minutes later to find her sound asleep, notebook and pen in her lap. He couldn't help but lap, moving her computer and notebook to a chair, and gently tucking her under the covers before climbing in with her.

* * *

 **Short chapter again! I'm sort of getting burnt out on this story and it's frustrating me. I love it so much but i'm so blocked when I write it :( If anyone can suggest storylines it would be a great help!**


	16. Marry You

Meredith was going crazy with the plans for renewing their vows. They had been married by a Catholic priest for the real wedding, so she tracked him own again, thank goodness. He had been more than happy to see her, and even more pleased to know they had three children. Meredith was set with the priest then; she needed a venue for the renewal and then somewhere for the reception. Zola and Sofia would be her little flowergirls, with Bailey as their ring bearer.

After much consideration, she decided that they vows would take place on the beach. There weren't too many people coming and they could accommodate. The reception was a no-brainer: it would take place at the house. Once all of that was taken care of, she checked them all off the list and set to finding a caterer, a florist, etc. This was going to be the death of her.

* * *

At the end of her day off, everything had been booked and Meredith was pleased. All she needed was something for her and the girls to wear, as well as Bailey. She knew Derek was responsible enough to take care of his own outfit; besides, this wasn't happening until June and it was still April. Meredith was just antsy and wanted to plan as much as she possibly could when she could.

She dragged her notebook along with her at work, planning whenever she got a spare moment, which wasn't often. She was always rounding, charting, or in a surgery with Amelia or Derek, which she didn't mind at all, and it kept her busy. Going home to her three kids was the best part of her day, though, snuggling up with all three of them and Derek in bed made her deliriously happy and she couldn't imagine a better ending to her days.

* * *

She and Amelia had agreed to go out and find Meredith a dress when they had a mutual day off, and Meredith was excited. She wanted something white, but short. They found a bunch Meredith liked, but her favorite was a vintage looking dress, with a strapless satin bust, and a tulle skirt flaring from her waist. It buttoned completely up the back and Meredith was completely smitten. She left her measurements at the shop and paid in full, before they headed off to one of the upscale malls to find shoes.

Heading into Neiman Marcus, the girls made a beeline for the wedding section, where Meredith eyed a blue pair of Manolo Blahniks. After trying them on and walking around in them, gazing at herself in the mirror, she decided that the shoes were the perfect pair and were her something blue. Afterwards they had lunch and chatted about the vow renewal, which was quickly coming up. Meredith dared broach the subject of Amelia and Owen.

"So how are you guys?" she asked her, nervous to get an answer. Amelia smiled coyly though and shrugged her shoulders.

"It's actually going a lot better than I thought it would go, actually. He's…nice. He's damaged, but aren't we all damaged in one way or another? He's still coming down from his time in Iraq again but he's not as damaged from it as he was when he first came to the hospital. He's…It's been over a year but I think I'm finally falling in love with him," she admitted, picking at her salad and blushing a bit. Meredith felt guilty encouraging it because of Cristina but she was glad to see Amelia happy. She deserved all the happiness in the world after the crap she'd been to. Amelia reminded herself of her a lot; they both came into the world and had their worlds crumble at the age of five, as if they never had a chance.

"That's good though," Meredith said as she stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork. "You deserve to be happy, Amy, and if it's with Owen then I fully support you. You're my sister," she said with a smile, as the pair finished their meal and headed over to the hospital for their shifts.

* * *

Meredith didn't get off until midnight, and she and Amelia drove home together, completely dead. Derek had been home for hours and had luckily cleaned up the house, which was nice for her. He was in bed reading and, after eating a piece of cold pizza, she slipped into their bedroom and smiled at him.

"Hey you," she grinned as she leaned over and gave him a kiss.

"Hey gorgeous," he smiled as she pulled away, grabbing a new pair of pajamas out of her drawer and changing, before sliding under the covers and snuggling up to him.

* * *

The weeks passed by quickly and soon it was June. Seattle was warm and sunny most of the time, with the kids playing outside. Ellie was trying her best to sit up and talk; she wanted to be with her brother and sister. Meredith and Derek silently passed the anniversary of Derek's accident, grateful that he was alive and well this year, and they'd gone most of the year without anything bad happening. The Shepherds were getting ready to descend upon them again, but this time they were staying in a hotel. The vow renewal was that Saturday, and Meredith was stressed enough.

On Saturday, Meredith was glad she had Maggie and Amelia with her. Arizona and Callie were there with Sofia, getting her, Zola, and Ellis dressed in their matching dresses. Maggie and Amelia were her bridesmaids though. Standing in her bedroom they did her makeup; her hair had been done at the salon earlier in the day. After lacing her into a corset they helped her into her dress, standing back to admire her.

"Mere you look gorgeous!" Maggie grinned as she looked at her older sister. Meredith caught sight of herself in the floor length mirror and she smiled. Her hair was pulled back in a French twist, her nails were done in a French manicure, and Amelia had done her makeup flawlessly. All that was left were her shoes, which she slipped her feet into. The sisters took endless photos of her as she giggled.

"Come on guys! We got married five years ago, it's just us resaying our vows," she laughed, the three of them heading to the living room. Zola looked up and gasped.

"Mommy you look so beautiful!" she smiled, looking up at Meredith. To her credit, Meredith managed to squat down in both four inch heels and a tight corset, holding Zola's hands.

"No Zola, you look beautiful!" she smiled, admiring her daughter in her white dress with the blue sash that matched her shoes perfectly. She looked up at everyone in the room and smile.

"Are we all ready?" she asked, and they nodded, as they made their way out of their house and piled into two cars. Meredith sat in the front seat of her car as Amelia drove towards the waterfront. Once they arrived they got out, and Meredith was ushered into a tent where the Shepherd women were. They all fussed over her and Carolyn took Ellis so she could sit with her. Soon it was time to start and all of the sisters sat down. Maggie sent Sofia and Zola down the isle with their pomander balls of flowers, holding hands, before Amelia went down after them. Maggie went next as Meredith's sister, and then it was Meredith's time.

She fluffed the tulle of her skirt and made sure she looked okay, before she walked down the simple boards of the aisle. The ocean was in the background and she smiled happily as she walked towards Derek, who had a huge smile on his face as he watched his wife walking towards him. When she reached him, she passed her flowers off to Maggie and grasped his hands, letting the priest talk. It was a simple ceremony and the pair had written their own vows, which of course left everyone in tears. It wasn't long before they kissed and the ceremony was over, their children surrounding them and Meredith crying.

* * *

Back at the house, the reception was in full swing. They had moved furniture down into the basement for tonight, so the living room was free for dancing and mingling. Food was spread on the long dining room table, and the kitchen island was used as a wet bar, with a bar tender. Despite having gotten married three times already, they'd chosen a wedding song. They danced to 'You Give Me Something' by James Morrison, before all of their friends and family joined them for dancing and fun. At one point Meredith held baby Ellis in her arms, smiling and giddy as she and Derek danced, before Ellis was put to bed by her Nana.

She couldn't believe the day had gone so well, and after awhile Derek took her hand and led her outside. It was 8:30 and the sun was just setting over the cliff; Meredith had stumbled through the grass before removing her coveted shoes.

"Come here," he smiled, tugging her down into the grass at their favorite spot. The sunset was absolutely stunning, a mix of blues, purples, and pinks, and Meredith lay back in Derek's arms to watch it.

"I've married you four times now, each better than the last," she giggled, looking up at him with a blissful smile. That was definitely how to describe her day – blissful. She would marry Derek again and again if she could.

"You were so beautiful today. Your dress…it's perfect," he smiled, touching her skirt. She couldn't help but giggle.

"Amelia and I found it one day and I just knew it was the one," she smiled. She'd been drinking and she was giggling more than usual but she didn't care. She was happy and no one could take that away from her.

* * *

 **Sorry it took so long to write this chapter! Still blocked but it's getting better :) Hope you like it!**


	17. Swallowed in the Sea

Their friends had all pitched in to send them on an actual honeymoon, since they hadn't gone on one the first time, so that's why Sunday morning Meredith found herself in first class on a flight to Cabo. Derek was next to her on his laptop, doing some research and typing furiously beside her so she laid her head back and closed her eyes. She still hated flying; it completely freaked her out, especially if she thought about how much she had lost that day in the woods. She tried to shake it off and pulled down the hem of her dress and closed her eyes.

Soon enough they had landed, and the pair waited for their luggage at baggage claim. It was beautiful and sunny, and she couldn't wait to get out on the beach. With their baggage in tow, they hopping on the shuttle to the airport and settled in, not knowing how long it would take.

An hour later they arrived at the hotel, which really only consisted of the main room with the front desk and such, and behind it were private bungalows with their private stretches of beach. They checked in and got their keys to their bungalow, and continued on outside, rolling their suitcases along the pathways until they reached Bungalow #2. Derek unlocked the door and they stepped in – it was absolutely stunning. It had a full kitchen and dining room, a huge living room, two bathrooms, a giant fluffy bed, and just outside there was a pool attached to the deck, which had two lounge chairs. The beach was at the bottom of the deck stairs, with the ocean not even 100 feet away. Meredith was in heaven.

She put her suitcase on the floor and opened it, pulling out a black bikini and changing into it rather quickly. She was anxious to get on the beach with a good book.

"Hey Der, you coming to the beach with me?" she said, finding her sunglasses in her purse and sliding them on the top of her head. To her dismay she found him on his laptop, hooked up to the Wi-Fi. She sighed and scrunched up her nose at him. "Der, it's our honeymoon," she said, a bit whiney but she had a pointe. Derek sighed and looked up at her, feeling guilty.

"I'm doing research so we can do a new Alzheimer's trial," he admitted to her. While she was touched that he was beginning preliminary things and she wanted to be a part of it, this was their honeymoon and she wanted to do things with him.

"Okay," she said, feeling defeated as she grabbed a beach towel and headed outside. It was hot and as she lay down on their private beach with her book, she couldn't believe she was far from Seattle, where summer was 75 degrees with a chance of rain every single day. She spent most of her day on the beach, and when she felt she was probably burned to a crisp she headed for the pool outside the bungalow, where the water was cool and felt great. She could see inside the living room and sighed; Derek was still searching away on the laptop. She was trying so hard not to let it bother her but she couldn't help it. The never got away from the kids or hospital, and here they were with no kids or no hospital, and he was sitting on the computer.

Climbing out over the pool, she squeezed out her hair and wrapped the towel around her so she didn't drip all over the place. Heading inside the bungalow she stopped beside Derek, trying to be sweet.

"So how's everything coming?" she asked, dropping the towel. Despite her C-section scar, she had a tiny, lithe body and she was trying to distract him, to no avail. He glanced over at her before looking back at the computer, and she tried not to blow up at him.

"I've only found a few things, it looks like we're going to have to start our own project," he said with a small sigh. Meredith nodded slowly.

"Well, I'm going to take a shower," she said coolly, flitting off to the bathroom in frustration and showering. They had dinner reservations at another resort that night and part of her wondered if he was going to show up.

After her shower she put on her bra and underwear, blow-drying and styling her hair before picking out a silky blue halter dress and sandals, carefully doing her makeup. She entered the main room to discover Derek had changed while she showered and she had to smile.

"Hey you, I'm ready," she smiled, and he stood up and gave her the McDreamy smile, which she knew forgave everything, the smile she loved and hated at the same time. He took her hand and they left their little home for the next week, heading to the main building to catch a car to the other resort.

* * *

Much to Meredith's dismay, the entire week was like the first day. Derek sat on the computer doing work, and she sat on the beach, getting angrier and angrier as the days passed. She felt like she was on a honeymoon by herself. She'd had enough by now. Storming into the house she slammed the outside door, storming over to Derek and slamming his computer shut.

"Look here, Derek. We have a week off without the hospital or kids. We're in one of the nicest places in Mexico, and you've spent the entire fucking weep cooped up in the house doing research? Seriously? You have got to be fucking kidding me. For fucks sake, we're in paradise. Get of your computer and go outside. Make love to your hot wife on the beach. Or in the pool. Or in the shower, or maybe on that insanely sexy bed we've been sleeping in. I don't give a fuck what you do, but you're not going back on that goddamned computer," she spat out angrily, before storming back out of the house and onto the beach, where she threw a dress on over her bikini and sat in the sand, her hair blowing in the wind as hot tears ran down her face. She loved Derek but hated when he pulled this crap.

It didn't take long for Derek to find her crying on the beach. He sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards him, letting her cry. This was his fault; he had fucked up on their one chance to be by themselves and have a romantic vacation and he blew it. Sighing, he ran his fingers through her hair and spoke.

"I'm sorry I fucked up," he said quietly, as she glared at him.

"You're damn right you fucked up," she said, but she didn't move away. She was just angry. There was no romance, there was no fun, no excursions, it had just been her sitting on their lonely private beach for a week while he typed away at his computer.

"Let me make it up to you Mere, please?" he said, practically begging. She looked at him, tears staining her cheeks, her mouth tight.

"How? How could you possibly make this up to me!?" she shouted, standing up and yelling at him. "You acted like I didn't exist, Derek. We've been married five years and together for eight and you acted like I didn't exist, like work is more important. Work could've waited a week until we were freaking home!" She turned around on her heel, kicking up sand as she stormed into the house. Changing into pajamas she slammed the bedroom door and climbed into the bed. That was all for tonight, she felt like, as she raged under the blankets. She felt all she was going to do was yell at him if she was near him. Tears ran down her face again as she cried herself to sleep, hoping he figured a way out of the deep hole he had dug for himself.

* * *

 **Voila! Added some drama into the story finally, and it came naturally to write it too which was great! Next chapter they'll make up but I'm glad it was suggested**

 **Please read and review! And any additional suggestions would be great too!**


	18. Chandelier

Meredith woke up the next morning, alone in the bedroom of the bungalow. She didn't really know what she expected however. She threw a dress on with a pair of flip flops, not wanting to go to the beach today. When she left the bedroom, Derek was nowhere to be seen in the house and she sighed, grabbing her bag and slipping her sunglasses on, beginning the walk to town. It wasn't that long of a walk and the town was beautiful. There were market stalls with colorful fruits that she loved, with others selling handmade items that she couldn't resist. She spent a few house in town, exploring all it had to offer, before she realized how hot she was and turned around to go back to the resort.

Upon returning, she sighed when she noticed Derek's phone on the kitchen counter. Dammit, he was home. She dropped her things in the bedroom, adjusting her black mini dress and running her fingers through her hair. She didn't feel like dealing with this mess; she was done dealing with any mess. The were in the same position they'd been in over a year ago. He was focused on work and not his wife and she was upset and frustrated. She slipped her feet out of her flip flops and grabbed her phone, moving through the house so she was on the desk. The sun was high in the sky and it was a beautiful day; she didn't want to go home tomorrow.

She felt a presence behind her and turned; it was Derek who looked worse for wear.

"Oh, it's you," she said disdainfully, turning to go back inside. He caught her wrist and pulled her back to look at her. She was mad and hurt still and didn't have the energy to do this. "What do you want?" she said angrily, looking up at him.

"Mere, I'm sorry. I fucked up again and ignored you on our honeymoon and that wasn't okay. You're worth so much more than I give you half the time and yet you patiently wait." Meredith just stood there seething, her eyes glaring at him.

"Acknowleding what you did doesn't make up for what you did, you know," she spat out. She was feisty, she was the daughter of Ellis Grey, she wasn't going to let him off this easily. He swallowed. He always forgot what a force of nature his wife was.

"Let me make it up to you. Give me a few hours," he pleaded, and Meredith glared at him as he stood there.

"Why are you still standing there? You have a few hours," she said coldly, before turning away and heading down to the beach for a walk.

* * *

Meredith returned a few hours later to find Derek sitting on the couch. He beckoned her to him, and despite her rage she sat down in an arm chair by him.

"Put on the nicest thing you've brought and get all dressed up," he told her, as she nodded silently. Being mad apparently didn't make her resistant to his charms, and she floated to the bedroom to inspect what she had hanging in the closet. She chose a rose colored silky gown that had thin, delicate straps. She kept her hair hanging down her back, using light makeup on her face and stepping into a pair of cream colored bejeweled heels, before finding a clutch and tossing her ID, phone, and lipstick inside. She liked how she looked as she gazed at herself in the mirror, before opening the door and stepping into the main room. Derek was on the couch, already dressed, playing with his phone, and she cleared her throat to let him know she was there.

He jumped up and immediately his breath was taken away. She looked stunning, the rays of sunshine filtering through the windows catching on her dress. She looked perfect. He found his voice and cleared his throat.

"Come, there's a car waiting for us," he said, taking her hand and leading her outside to a private car. She slid in the backseat and he slid in next to her, and they were off.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" she asked him and he just smiled over at her.

"You'll see," he said, and she turned to look out the window. God, he had really severely fucked up. They were quiet the whole way there, and once they arrived at the huge resort he helped her out of the car. "Come on Mere," he said, taking his hand and leading her to the five star restaurant on the second floor of the hotel. Meredith was mildly impressed, but due to her bullshit level and how high Derek had gone above it, she wasn't amused. They were seated by the window which overlooked the beach and ocean.

As soon as they sat down they were handed menus, and champagne was poured. Meredith quietly thanked the waiter and then they were alone. Derek started speaking and she looked up.

"I know I fucked up, Mere, and I'm sorry, and I know that I can't fix that but I'm going to try. I called home and Owen gave us another week. Said Amelia can do with more work than trying to have sex with him in his office."

Meredith sighed slightly, feeling defeated. She knew he was trying after his massive failure.

"We can do that. But I'm locking up your computer in the safe because I'm the one with the combination, and you're not spending hours talking on the phone and I won't be ignored," she said, her mouth set in a hard line. She was trying to stand her ground and show him that she was still mad; wooing her with expensive dinners wasn't going to take away the fact that he'd been absent for the past week.

After dinner they went for a walk on the beach behind the resort, Meredith letting him in just a little bit by holding his hand as they watched the sunset together. All too soon they were back at their house. Meredith wanted to stay in her dress a bit longer, so she said goodnight to Derek and shut the bedroom door.

* * *

The next morning she woke up to rain pounding on the roof and she wrinkled her nose. This was so not how she wanted to start the day they were supposed to be fixing things. After rolling over and trying to go back to sleep didn't work, she finally climbed out of bed, meeting Derek in the kitchen.

"Hi," she said shyly, as he handed her a cup of coffee just the way she liked it. "Thank you," she said softly, sliding into a chair at the kitchen counter. He was making breakfast and she smiled behind her cup of coffee. It was storming like crazy; every few minutes there would be a strike of lightning followed by a loud boom of thunder. Meredith stared at the window with a look of distaste as Derek slid a plate in front of her. Eggs and a plain bagel with cream cheese and tomato, just the way she liked it.

"Thank you," she said with a smile as he sat next to her.

"You're welcome," he smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. His laptop was nowhere to be seen and both of their phones sat side by side on the counter. "Definitely not how I wanted today to be but we can have fun."

Mid-bite of her bagel she raised an eyebrow. She was dressed in an old Dartmouth t-shirt and a pair of tiny black shorts, barefoot, her hair mussed from bed. Derek loved her this way, before she put on real clothes and dabbed on some make up, fixing her hair some. This Meredith was natural, the one who had birthed two children and raised a third from nine months. Surgeon Meredith was hard, she was tough, she put herself in the zone. She was called Medusa and was rock hard, just like her mother. He watched her eating and once she was done, she put her dishes in the dishwasher and turned around.

"So what should we do today instead?" she asked him. She didn't feel like getting dressed, she was comfortable in her pajamas today. Derek shrugged as he finished up his eggs, and she took his dishes and stuck them in the dishwasher as well. "We could watch a movie, we could play a game, we could have some fun of our own, we can do whatever we want," he smirked as he looked up at her. She was smiling a bit as she shook her head.

"Men. One thing on your mind," she giggled, a yawn escaping. Dammit, more coffee was clearly needed.

* * *

They watched two movies that morning; Finding Neverland and Silver Linings Playbook, and by lunchtime they were incredibly bored. Meredith made herself avocado on toast while Derek had a sandwich, and the two of them sat down in front of the tv again trying to figure out what to do. Outside of the window the ocean looked so angry, crashing against the shore and inside they were bored to tears. Meredith lay on the couch, her feet in Derek's lap.

"We can…take a nap. Or watch another movie, or play some dumb game, or drink, or something, because we can't go outside," she pouted. It was almost 1 pm and she was still in her pajamas.

"Well. We have a ton of alcohol," he laughed, signaling back to the kitchen counter where they had huge amounts of vodka, whiskey, scotch, and tequila. There was beer in the fridge, among other things.

"I can go for some tequila, I don't think I've had tequila in like two years because of Ellie," she laughed, as Derek got up and grabbed the whiskey and tequila, along with two shot glasses.

"Okay so what are we taking shots for?" he asked her, as they both took the caps off their poison of choice.

Meredith laughed and looked at her shot of tequila on the coffee table.

"First we must toast to our beautiful baby girl," she smirked, as they clinked shot glasses. The familiar burning down her throat and it felt like coming home.

"Second is for me becoming a full-fledged Neurosurgeon," she grinned; before they left she had received her official letter in the mail. They clinked again, she second glass not burning as much.

Over the next few hours they kept finding things to toast over, over and over again, and soon they were a laughing, giggling mess on the couch. He made the first move, pulling her close and kissing her deeply, and she was too drunk to resist. They fell off the couch and their clothes came off, and suddenly Meredith burst out laughing, throwing a pillow on his ass. He rolled over and looked at her, confused.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, as he continued to giggle. She shook her head and tried to tell him what was so funny.

"This is how it all started. You and me naked, on a floor…just a guy and girl in a bar," she smirked, laying next to him. He pulled her close and kissed her deeply.

"If I remember closely, I married that beautiful girl in the bar," he smiled, standing up and picking her up, her legs wrapping around him.

"I love so you much," she smiled, locking him in another kiss as he brought them both into the bedroom.

"I love you too," he smiled, the two of them falling onto bed and making love for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **Sorry it took me so long! I got busy with the first week of classes and then Friday I got into a car accident (they hit me) and now I have a concussion, but here you guys go! Hope you like it!**


	19. Lego House

The rest of the week was blissful, with the pair spending intimate time together inside the house and having fun exploring Cabo. Their two weeks together had to end sometime though, and with a pout Meredith boarded their flight back to Seattle. She had to admit though, she missed the three kids and rushing around the hospital like a crazy person.

The flight was a few hours and after they went through customs, there were Amelia and Maggie waiting for them with Ellie, Bailey, and Zola. As much fun as they'd ended up having in Cabo, she'd missed their three kids. Her arms reached for Ellie as Ellie reached for her and she smiled. Having a baby in her arms felt right and she kissed her forehead, playing with her dark hair as the other kids surrounded them.

"We missed you so much guys! Momma and daddy have presents for you that you get when you get home," she grinned, patting Zola on the head, Bailey hugging her leg.

"Bailey-boo it's okay, Momma's not going anywhere," she promised. They had their luggage from going through customs so they headed out of the airport; Derek's car was in long term parking so they headed that way with the kids, and Maggie and Amelia took Amelia's car back to the house. Zola and Bailey had tons of questions which they tried to answer, but some were so crazy Meredith just had to laugh at.

* * *

She and Derek were back at work bright and early the next morning, bringing all three kids into the daycare. It was Meredith's first day as a 'real' Neurosurgeon and could be paged for neuro cases and for surgery. She still had to answer to Amelia, but so did Derek. They were the three Shepherds and they made a good team together, and they were definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Meredith strode through the hospital with a new air of confidence: she was both a general surgeon and a neurosurgeon. She could handle both if they came her way. She was a rare breed. Smiling to herself she walked across the catwalk, stopping to stare out the huge windows of the hospital. She had started here when she was 29; she was almost 38 now. So much had happened in those 9 years, some good, some bad. It was crazy and before she thought too hard about it she moved on to the neuro wing. At the moment there were no cases for her to check up on or run to the OR, but that suddenly changed when her pager went off. It read 911 to the emergency room, so she took the stairs at a run, gowning up and throwing her hair in a bun, tucking it into her scrub cap.

"What do we have here?" she asked as she burst into Trauma 2. Owen and April were there, assessing wounds. There was definite head trauma as Meredith shined her pen light into the woman's eyes.

"Her pupils are unresponsive, she needs a head CT ASAP," Meredith announced, as Owen and April backed away. Wounds could be cleaned later. As interns pushed the gurney upstairs to CT, Meredith read the chart. Early 20's, car accident, broken bones, multiple lacs, head trauma. It was going to be a long day.

She followed her interns up to CT just to make sure they weren't doing anything stupid, and invited the most promising one to look at the scans with her.

"What do you see Daniel?" she said, her hands folded and her chin on her folded hands.

"Ummm I think I see a bleed into the frontal lobe, it needs to be fixed, right?"

Meredith sighed, Medusa coming out.

"I don't know, does it need to be fixed or doesn't it? It's a simple question. Next intern! Get out of here," she said as the next intern, a girl named Robin stepped up.

"She does have a bleed into the frontal lobe, and yes she does need to have it fixed," she said proudly.

Meredith smiled at the girl, nodding.

"You get to scrub in with me. Memorize her chart and get her prepped for surgery," she said, standing up and handing Robin the chart. "The rest of you can go to the pit and learn how to suture. Surgeon's don't say 'um'." She said, whirling around and heading toward the OR board.

* * *

Standing in front of the OR board she felt like she had all the power. She write M. Shepherd on the board and smiled, as she felt presence. Of course it was Derek and she grinned, as he grinned back.

"I see you found yourself a surgery today," he smirked. She could only grin.

"Car accident, bleeding into the frontal lobe. Broken bones, some nasty cuts. Jackson and Callie are going to have fun," she giggled, giving him a kiss. "These interns are duds. Was my group that stupid?" she laughed as she headed down the hall, making sure her patient was being prepped properly and paging Jackson and Callie in the process.

* * *

Surgery on her Jane Doe was a long process. Callie had bones to save and cast, Jackson was busy with the many lacs, and Meredith was busy with her first solo brain surgery. Robin proved to be very helpful and good at what she did which Meredith liked as she caught the bleed and prepared to close up. Jackson was still working on the lacs, but he was quick and good at what he did. Meredith closed up and left the OR, leaving Jackson and Callie to their business, scrubbing out. She was on a natural high, the kind she only got from neurosurgery, and she smiled as she ambled down the hallway.

* * *

Home was chaotic, with three kids to feed plus themselves. Meredith had Ellie in a wrap as she nursed, popping chicken nuggets and potato wedges she made herself into the oven as Bailey and Zola watched Sleeping Beauty. Derek was making penne vodka for him and Meredith and for once, Mere felt like the situation was under control. Ellie was quiet, the older two were quit, it was great. Once Ellie was finished on one side she shifted her to the other, pleased that the chicken nuggets and potatoes came out of the oven just as Derek finished. He divided their food onto two plates as Meredith did the same for the kids.

"Come on guys, we're eating outside tonight," she said with a smile, opening the backdoor that led to their deck, where they had an amazing view of Washington. It was a warm July night and as the family sat down to dinner, Meredith realized she had everything she had never known she wanted. Kids, a husband, and a family. Amelia came through the door soon enough with a plate of food Meredith smiled up at her. They'd had their distances and they still fought, but Amelia was her sister and she loved her.

"I heard you did your first solo brain surgery, congratulations," she smiled at her, nudging her a bit. Meredith laughed and looked down at Ellie; she had fallen asleep.

"It was this crazy high, it was like the days I used to work with Derek but it was by myself, so it was so much cooler," she laughed as she ate her pasta, watching the kids eating their food.

"Right? Like. That's exactly how I feel. Surgery gives me such a high," she grinned, making a funny face at Zola who dissolved into giggles.

After dinner when the kids were tucked into bed, the three neurosurgeons sat around in the living room, discussing whatever came to mind. Amelia talked about surgery, Derek talked about Mexico, and Meredith talked about how the kids seemed to have grown a foot when they were away. All in all, it had been a great day for everyone, and Meredith couldn't help but smile as she lay in bed later, falling asleep.

* * *

 **I'm so sorry it's taking me longer to update now! I have 6 classes I'm taking and so much homework, plus 6 days of rehearsals! But I promise i'm not leaving you guys with any story! I'm in it ;) Read and review please!**


	20. Another authors note

Okay guys, I'm having a huge problem here. I want to continue this story so badly since so many people are in love with it but I have no idea where to go from here. I feel like my writing is lacking and boring and it's doing nothing for the story, and I can't bring myself to update because I have zero inspiration.

So this is where I ask you, my readers and reviewers, to give me some jumping off points, some places I can continue from. I don't want Meredith to have another baby yet, Ellie is still under the age of one, but I just really don't know where to go from here and I don't want to end this fic and I'm scared I'll have to.


	21. Since U Been Gone

Zola was sick, so Meredith kept her home from daycare along with Ellie. Bailey however went to the hospital with Derek. It was just Meredith and the girls for the day, although she tried to keep Zola in bed. The almost six year old wanted to play with her toys and didn't understand why her mother wouldn't let her.

Finally Zola settled down for a nap, and Ellie did as well, so Meredith curled up on the couch with a book she'd been trying to read for well over a year. Things had kept creeping up and getting in the way and driving her crazy while she'd been trying to finish this damn book.

She was almost to the halfway point of the book without hearing a peep from either girl, when she heard the doorbell ring. She cringed, hoping both girls would stay asleep as she set down her book, brushing her hair back from her face and heading to the front door. Upon opening it her eyes widened.

"Cristina?" she exclaimed, surprised to see her best friend there. Or was she her former best friend? The pair hadn't talked much over the past few years since Cristina had moved to Switzerland.

"Um, hi," Cristina said, looking up at her old friend, a hint of a smile on her face. "I realized I was a terrible friend so I figured I'd come visit, or something. I went to the hospital first but Derek said you were at home." Meredith nodded.

"Yeah, Zola is sick and I kept Ellie home too," she said with a shrug, inviting Cristina inside the messy house. There were baby toys and pacifiers all over the place, along with Bailey's Thomas trains and Zola's Barbies.

"Ellie? You and McDreamy had another one?" Cristina asked as she raised a brow, plopping onto the couch as she nudged a baby toy out of the way. Meredith was busy in the fridge, grabbing the two of them bottles of water before returning to the living room.

"Mmmhmm. She was born in February, another emergency c-section. I almost died again. She was planned, sort of. I found out I was pregnant after Derek had his accident," she said, sitting in the arm chair and putting her feet on the coffee table.

"Wait, Derek was in an accident?" Cristina questioned. She really had missed a lot.

"Yeah, it was bad. He was t-boned by a semi, I kind of had to fight for him to get proper treatment but he pulled through. Clearly. It was difficult for awhile but he made it. And I'm a Neurosurgen now, with him and Amelia. Oh right, Amelia is head of Neuro, it's kind of a family thing," she giggled. It really was a thing, they were known as the three Shepherds and they were a Neuro force to be reckoned with.

"When did you have time to do a fellow in Neuro with a baby?" Cristina asked, clearly impressed. Meredith shrugged.

"I started it while Derek was recovering and I just finished it this past June. So now I'm General and Neuro," she shrugged. Cristina was in awe. Not only did her friend have three kids, but she had two fellowships in two different specialties and in both of them, she was the very top of her field. She was hardcore and badass.

There were soft cries from the baby monitor and Meredith smiled.

"I'll be right back," she said, rushing upstairs to get Ellie from her nap. Changing her diaper and changing her into a soft, pink onesie, she brought her back downstairs with a blanket, her dark curls all over the place.

"Miss Ellie, this is Aunt Cristina," she smiled, holding her youngest daughter in her arms while Cristina looked on in awe.

"Holy crap you had a female McDreamy. Like seriously. That child is definitely Derek's."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh as she hoisted Ellie up in her arms.

"Her name is Ellis Alexandra, for my mom and Lexie," she smiled, settling back down in the chair. Cristina was still dumbstruck that Meredith juggled being a mother to three and all of her responsibilities at the hospital.

"How do you manage it? Having it all?" she asked her, knowing that she had asked Ellis Grey the same question a long time ago. Meredith could only smile.

"Some days I don't. Some days the kids are with Amelia and Derek and I stay late. Sometimes I break down and cry because it's so difficult to do everything. But then some days I have a perfect balance of family and work, and those are the best days of all, because I get to be a surgeon, and I get to be a mother," she said, her eyes misting over. She was one of the lucky ones; she had it all. The family, the big, perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect husband.

"I'm not always shiny and happy, but I'm shinier and happier than I used to be," she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Derek and I almost didn't make it, and then the accident happened and I realized I couldn't live without him. I realized if he died it would be me and the kids forever, I was done. No one could replace him," she said. Ellie was cooing in her lap and she kissed the top of her head.

"Oh and Cristina? The woman you hired as your replacement….is my sister," she laughed, shaking her head. Cristina picked up her head and looked at her.

"How? What? You have another sister?"

"My mom and Richard had a child," Meredith smirked, her brows wiggling a bit. "I was too young to remember but….my mom had a baby when we lived in Boston and gave her up for adoption. Her name is Maggie and she's five years younger than me. I actually really adore her and so do the kids," she said with a shrug, as she heard little feet upstairs and Zola running across the room.

"Auntie Tina!" she yelled, climbing into her godmothers lap. Cristina's lips spread into a huge grin.

"Zo, look how big you've gotten! And so pretty too," she smiled, holding the five year old on her lap. That was the end of gossip for now but Meredith didn't care. Cristina was back for now; she didn't know why or for how long but she had her person.

* * *

 **So I threw this together so I had something to give you guys :) I'm going to be in Los Angeles when Grey's comes back next week but I'm going to pay for wifi in my hotel just so I can freaking watch it! And I'll add stuff from the episode into my update like so many people have suggested! AND I loved all your suggestions!**

 **To the anon who called me rude: this is my story and I feel that if someone is going to tell me that i'm wrong about something, it's only fair that I correct them with my correct information and research, since I am the one writing this story after all and I carefully research things I don't know before I insert them. It's not fun to have things constantly pointed out to you as wrong, when they are not /fin.**


	22. Sound of Silence

Meredith went back to work the next day, with Cristina staying home with Zola, Ellis coming into daycare like usual. It was a pretty normal day; with a hitch – on the way to work they were stuck in major traffic, with Meredith and Alex running out of the car to help with a pile up. Meredith rode to the hospital in an ambulance, entering a trauma room with her patient. As the room emptied out she continued to assess her patient, Lou, with Penny, and they witnessed him having a seizure, letting him ride it out with aide from lorazepam. As she was inputting her report into the ipad she felt the first blow and suddenly she was smashed against the next window, trying to scream but her windpipe was crushed.

She knew April and Owen were in the next room and she didn't know why no one was hearing this or coming to her rescue. For several minutes she was thrown around the room, smashed against the windows, punched several times, and eventually slammed down on the floor. She was crying but no tears were forming, she couldn't make any noises, and she couldn't hear anything. She lay trembling on the floor, unable to do a thing, wishing Derek would come running through the door. One eye was swelling shut, but she could see Alex running into the room and picking her up, pulling her small form onto a gurney.

"Page Derek and Amelia NOW" Alex yelled, as more doctors came running. Meredith couldn't move as they put her in a neck brace, her eyes open as she lived every moment of this. They cut her trauma gown and clothes of her and put her into a patient room, hooking her up to a heart monitor and assessing her injuries. Quickly they intubated her and she choked, but they forced the tube down her throat. She saw Amelia for a split second before her sister froze in horror, tears running down her face. She just kept moaning in pain and protest at everything that was happening to her, every time they moved her she screamed and cried out; everything they did was painful. After a few minutes they popped her jaw open and she screamed like hell; not even childbirth had been this painful. She had a broken arm and lower leg, her jaw was broken, and she kept staring up at everyone listlessly. She couldn't hear a thing but she couldn't tell anyone that, so instead she kept blinking and crying in pain. All of a sudden she felt severe pain between her ribs; she knew they'd given her a chest tube. She cried out as Derek rushed into the room and rushed at her side. Maggie was at her side helping along and Amelia was in the corner of the room, sliding down to the floor. Derek was taking her hand and trying hard not to break down but Meredith was so beyond her breaking point.

* * *

The next thing she knew, she was in a hospital room. People were talking at her but she couldn't hear them, or barely read their lips. She felt something with a button in her hand and pressed it; immediately a wave of pain relief washed over her and she closed her eyes. It hurt so much to swallow; everything in her hurt and she started crying again. She felt a hand slide into hers; she turned her head to the side and it was Derek. Her thumb ran over the back of his hand before she closed her eyes for awhile longer. Callie was standing over her; her lips were moving but she couldn't hear what she was saying. She remembered Alex standing over her and crying, and all of her friends/family members working on her, but she couldn't hear anything still. She was so tired, she just wanted it to go away but she didn't know how. All she could do was close her eyes and float away on the medicine. Soon enough she felt another wave; she kept pressing the pump and a nurse had administered more. She fell back asleep, feeling a lot safer knowing Derek was there.

A few days passed, and she as wheeled into the OR. Derek sat by her side as they set her bones and her jaw. He held her hand the entire time, stroking her forehead and reassuring her that everything could be fine. But she knew nothing was going to be okay anymore.

When she woke up she had her jaw wired shut, and her arm and leg in a cast. Someone had tucked a whiteboard and marker next to her, and she immediately started asking him questions, which he answered on the white board. She could feel herself getting frustrated with everything, so she pumped the morphine pump enough so that she passed out from the drugs.

The next few days were another few days of haze, where she drifted in and out of consciousness. Derek never left her side, having taken a few weeks off for Meredith's recovery and obvious PTSD. Although she couldn't talk, she was still quiet with the whiteboard, instead choosing to sleep more. The swelling and brusing in her face was going down and it was easier to see out of her right eye, but the pain was constant and it seemed Penny was her resident. Well, at least she was doing a good job this time. She grabbed the ipad and showed her all the broken bones including her jaw and ribs, but luckily her head CT was clean. All she could do was lay there and cry though, despite Derek climbing into bed and holding her.

* * *

A few weeks into her hospital stay, Maggie though it would be good to bring the three kids. Holding Ellis, she led Zola and Bailey into Meredith's room. At this point Meredith was able to sit up in a chair and take milkshakes and Ensure by straw. Derek had sat with her every step of the way, soothing her and keeping her calm. He swept up his two older old kids in his arms, Maggie carrying Ellis towards the pair. Zola was hesitant to the point of yelling no.

"No! I don't want to see Mommy," she cried out, hanging off Aunt Maggie. Derek reached over and scooped her up, as she squirmed in her arms. Meredith tied to smile and reach out, but she knew that Zola was scared.

"Zola, come here," she insisted, through her wired jaw, but Zola saw it and got even more scared, crying into Derek.

"Daddy, Mommy is scaring me," she sobbed, as she twisted out of his arms and ran back towards Maggie, who had slipped him Ellis. Meredith became frantic, an anxiety attack mounting as she clawed at the wires in her mouth. Zola cried as she clung to Maggies leg, Penny standing at a computer in the room before rushing to Meredith with pliers to cut the wires. Once they were cut she melted into a full blown panic attack. This was too much for her. Her own kids didn't want to see her, her couldn't stand the sight of her all beaten up. She knew it had been a bad idea when Alex suggested it but she had missed them so much.

With tears running down her face, Penny helped her get back into the bed, Derek springing to help as she led the three kids back out to the car. She was staying at the dream house with them while Derek emotionally and physically supported Meredith in the hospital. Her hearing had come back and she was able to talk. She knew Penny was going to take the fall for opening her jaw, but she also knew there had been a very valid reason for it.

* * *

Meredith hadn't seen Amelia once since she'd been in the hospital. She'd heard rumors of her falling off the wagon, but she didn't know if they were true or not. Derek was tight lipped about it, and Meredith's patience was waning with her nerves mounting. Her jaw had been rewired shut the morning she saw Amelia standing outside her room. First she kicked everyone out of her room, before throwing a cup of smoothie at Amelia, who finally came in and spoke to her. Meredith simply glared back as Amelia spoke about drinking again; eventually she rolled over and gave her the cold shoulder. She knew it was hard, watching her brother and sister in two serious conditions so close together, she knew Amelia had hit her breaking point. But to her it was inexcusable for Amelia to fall off, even though it happened.

A few days later, Bailey and Derek came to her with a wheelchair, asking if she was ready to meet with Loo, the patient who had attacked her. She was terrified, but having Derek by her side made it better. She let him talk, she met his family members. Her arm was in a sling, her foot had been downgraded to a boot finally, but her jaw was still wired shut. She was still in pain, her brain scrambled up, trauma oozing at her open wounds. She could only merely point and gesture as to what she wanted, but she gripped Loo's hand as a sign of forgiveness.

The next night, Amelia walked into the room, leaving something at her bedside. She opened her eyes and looked at it, picking it up.

"I'm 30 days sober," she said as she went to leave the room. "I start back on Monday. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I'm just not ready to forgive you for potentially endangering myself and my kids."

"You can talk again?"

"Yeah, I got the wires off this morning." Derek slept soundly in the chair.

"Oh," Amelia said. "I'm not ready to forgive myself either," she said as she left the room.

* * *

Eventually after six weeks, Meredith was released from the hospital. She walked with a cane because of her left leg, and she hated it so much, but she loved being able to sit on her couch and curl up in her bed. Her favorite thing was curling up on the couch with the three kids, Ellie curled up in her shoulder, reading them stories as Derek cooked whatever meal it was before joining them. She was starting up therapy again soon, which she knew she needed, but she was taking the time she was allowed to be at home with her husband and kids. The entire trauma had thrown her for a new one but she was lucky to be alive and well once again. When it rains, it pours.

* * *

 **Finally updated this story! My version of the new episode ;) I really really hope you all like it esp with any changes I made to reflect this story! Ahhh! Please read and review! I had to watch it three times to get everything in that I wanted haha.**


	23. Brave

After the most recent ordeal, Meredith had landed herself back in therapy. It wasn't even with Dr. Wyatt; it was some new, older male and she didn't bother learning his name. Trips to him were frequent and ordered by Dr. Bailey, though she was allowed back at work. She had stepped inside the trauma room where the attack had happened, she had faced her fears. Breakdowns didn't happen, no great revelations happened, absolutely nothing happened but wasted time. Finally Bailey let her stop going, and Meredith was happier because of it.

Everyone at work looked at her like she was going to blow at any minute, but truthfully she was fine. She had dealt with it like she dealt with everything else, by pushing it away and focusing on the rest of her life. She had suffered, she was strong, she had endured. And she had endured worse than this. She was fully healed body-wise; mentally she knew she was still skittish but that would go away in time.

* * *

Suddenly it was August and it was Zola's 6th birthday. Meredith was busy getting things ready for her party – the girl was obsessed with Frozen, so they were going to have a Frozen themed birthday party. Derek was out with Bailey getting the cake and the rest of the food, while Meredith and Amelia – their sisterly relationship healed – decorated the kitchen and living room. Zola as busy watching a movie and Maggie was on her way with cupcakes as well.

"Amelia, lift it higher!" Meredith said, trying to hang a happy birthday banner over the entry from the front door into the kitchen/living room area. The two women were on chairs.

"Mere, I'm a lot shorter than you!" she countered. She was just an inch or two shorter but she was struggling and on her tip toes, a roll of mounting tape in her hand so they could anchor the banner. Finally they had it placed and both of them taped it up before climbing down. It was a little off center because of the difference in their heights but oh well, it looked good enough. They went around the downstairs placing decorations around. The house was cleaned up, and Derek would be back any minute with everything else they needed. Carolyn and the rest of the sisters would also be here any moment; it wasn't everyday that one of the youngest grandchildren turned 6.

Once they were finished decorating the house, Amelia set to work getting out the plates, cups, and some of the food, while Meredith grabbed Zola and took her upstairs.

"Come on birthday princess, it's time to make you pretty for everyone," she smiled, getting out an Elsa and Anna t-shirt and an ice-blue tutu, gently brushing her hair into two braids and tying matching ribbons on the end. Just because it was her birthday she smeared glitter around her eyes, knowing it would make Zo happy, before letting her look in the mirror in the bathroom, lifting her onto the sink and slipping her tiny feet into silver sparkly ballet flats.

"Look how pretty you look Zozo! You're mommy's gorgeous girl, I can't believe you're so grown up and six years old," she said, squeezing her daughter tightly. She really couldn't believe Zola was six already; it had been almost six years since they had fought for custody to adopt her and finally won. Meredith snuggled her for a moment before letting her go, watching her run downstairs and back to Amelia.

Meredith herself changed into leggings and a tank top, doing something to make her hair not so much of a hot mess, and finding a pair of flip flops that matched. With three kids she had become even more low maintenance than ever before. Slipping out of the bedroom she was pleased to see that Cristina had arrived and was playing with Zola, and several cars pulled up outside, with the rest of the Shepherd family spilling out. Soon the house was filled with kids of all ages, and everyone and rushing to Meredith, asking how she was after what happened.

"I'm fine, really," she insisted. She still had bruises on her arms that were fading, but she was fine. A few minutes later Derek arrived at home with Ellie and Bailey, and everyone's attention was focused on how big Ellie had gotten since they had last seen her in February. Meredith was happy to slip into the background, setting out all the food on the dining room table, making up a bar on the kitchen island for the adults. All of their friends were arriving now and the house was full of laughter and love. It made her heart swell; everywhere she turned there was someone else that had been added to their extended family. She had always joked that it takes a village to raise a child; here was her village, spread out around the bottom floor of her house.

Grabbing a glass of wine she headed over to Amelia and sat down next to her on the couch. Nancy was on the floor with Ellie, who was playing with blocks, and Bailey who had his Star Wars legos. Zola was running around with Sofia and some of her younger cousins.

"So, have you and Owen made up yet?" she asked her sister, nodding to the tall red-head who was in deep discussion with Derek about something. She turned back to Amelia who shrugged.

"We have dinner plans….pizza plans. For sometime this week. I think we can eventually make something work," she said, blushing slightly. Meredith shook her head.

"Amelia, I know how you feel about him. Don't let Cristina's visit turn you off from being with him, she hasn't mentioned him and if they've seen each other outside of today she would've told me. I'm pretty sure he's willing to give all of himself to you," she smiled, reaching forward and giving her a tight hug.

* * *

There were so many people in the house that Meredith was grateful when people started spilling outside onto the deck with their drinks, and Derek started grilling. There were steaks, burgers, and hotdogs for everyone, plus pizza for the kids. Everything was busy and Meredith found herself rushing around, trying to make everything perfect for Zola.

She was proud of the cake; she hadn't made it, of course, never in her life could she make something so amazing. It was half vanilla and chocolate, with a fondant sculpture of Elsa's ice castle and figures of Elsa, Anna, and Olaf. As she and Derek carried it outside to Zola with the candles lit, she could see the complete joy on Zola's face. Derek grabbed the video camera and everyone sang happy birthday as Zola smiled happily, poking her fingers at the icing at the cake. All the little kids helped her blow out the candles as she clapped, Ellie trying to coordinate her hands enough to clap with them.

"Yay Zola!" Meredith grinned, as she grabbed Bailey and she and Derek leaned in for photos with all three of their kids. In this moment, she knew 100% for sure that she had chosen the right path with her life. Sure, she had known it millions of other times, but sometimes she felt it more than others. Swooping down to kiss Zola's cheek, Alex caught it on her iphone and she smiled, hugging Zo close to her, Ellie leaning over and tugging one of her older sisters braids.

After cake there were presents to be opened, and they all gathered around Zola and Meredith, Derek filming everything. Almost everything was Frozen themed, which drove Meredith nuts because she'd seen the movie literally a million times, but it made Zola happy because it was what she loved, including a Frozen-themed bike with training wheels on it, to replace the one she had just outgrown.

"Momma I want to ride it now!" she said and Meredith laughed. Even at age six Zola was a force of nature, just like her mother, and she had developed her own little attitude. Meredith couldn't say no to her, not on her birthday, so she picked up the bike as Zola ran outside to the driveway. Derek and Amelia followed, along with Sofia and some of their friends; Amelia was cuddling Ellie and Bailey was running along with a different toy in his hands.

"Come on Zozo," Mere said as she steadied the bike, Zola climbing on. She was fearless and started pedaling up and down the driveway, everyone watching her.

"Go Zola!" they all cheered and clapped for her, and it was only in the moment that Meredith turned away to tickle Ellie's feet that she heard a scream and then horrible sobs. She turned around and Zola had fallen off her bike. In a flash she was at her side, kneeling to the grown, concern all over her face.

"Zola! What hurts babygirl?" she said, Derek rushing over as well. First she checked her head, but she'd been wearing her helmet so it was okay. She was scratched up and her left arm was bleeding and swelling. Meredith made a face, before turning and signaling Callie to come over.

"Zo, aunt Callie's going to look at your arm okay?" Zola only cried harder, unable to move the offending arm. Callie gently picked it up, examining it before turning to Meredith and speaking with a low voice.

"It's definitely broken, we need to get her to the hospital," she said, and Meredith's face fell, tears forming in her eyes. So this is what it was like for something to happen to your child. She knew it could have been a lot worse, a broken arm wasn't that bad, but her child was in pain and she didn't like it.

"Zola, baby, we're going to get you in the car and go to the hospital okay?" Zola merely nodded, burrowing onto Meredith's chest. She slowly stood up and sighed, nodding to Derek to get the keys to the car. She approached Amelia with a wrinkle of her nose.

"Keep everyone entertained for us? We'll be back in a few hours, Callie is coming with us," she said, and then the four of them climbed into Derek's car.

* * *

Zola cried the entire way to Grey-Sloan, holding her broken arm to her chest. Luckily, since Callie was head of ortho, they were brought right upstairs to ortho and Callie began her work. There was some gravel to remove and dirt to clean out of a cut on the arm, before Callie put a cast on it.

"Hey Princess Zola, what's your favorite color?" Callie smiled at the 6 year old.

"Purple," she sobbed. She had been giving a mild pain reliever, but nothing strong like they would have given an adult.

"Purple it is!" she smiled, continuing to cast her arm. Soon enough everything was finished, with her forearm in a light purple cast, Zola still curled up to Meredith. Meredith felt exhausted; this was not how she wanted her daughters birthday to go, but she was more grateful than ever for her village. Callie gave them the good to go home, saying Arizona would pick her up later, and she and Derek piled into the car back home.

Once at home, mostly everyone had left except for the Shepherds, who took their turn showering Zola with love and concern. Zola, on the other hand, showed off her cast and let everyone sign it, her fearlessness coming back, the tears dried on Meredith's top.

Exhaustion from the entire day crept up on Meredith as she poured herself another glass of wine, hours after the first one. She was grateful Zola was okay and was back to being her old self, as she leaned against the kitchen counter and watched her with their family. Derek came up next to her, sliding an arm around her waist.

"I love you," he whispered, chasing her down for a kiss and she smiled, happy to oblige with a kiss.

"I love you too," she grinned. "Apparently our daughter is a badass who bounces back quickly," she laughed, shaking her head.

"Hey, be grateful she didn't flip off a motorcycle," he smirked, pointing to the scar on his forehead. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't even there for that and I can smell the stupidity from here," she teased, chasing him down for another kiss before draining her wine glass. He poured her another glass and she slowly sipped it, watching the sisters and Carolyn with their three kids.

"I want another one," she declared, the words out of her mouth before she even realized it. She felt shocked, looking up at him sheepishly.

"Crap. I mean. Ellie's young, but I mean. When she's a little older…I want another one. I've always seen us with five, just like your family," she said softly, blushing.

This time when he kissed her, he wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her as close as he could.

"Five would be perfect," he whispered into her hair, inhaling the deep lavender scent.

* * *

 **Finally updated this story! I was blocked again and school is kicking my ass** **But I liked it and I hope you guys do too! I needed to put something in there to move it along and OF COURSE there will be more McBabies!**


	24. Set Fire To The Rain

Cristina was still lingering around Seattle, and Meredith had no idea why. The two women had grown apart over the past two years, and while it saddened Meredith that she and her person weren't as close as they had once been, life seemingly moved on around them. She knew that deep down, Cristina thought she had gone soft with her family of three children, and if she expressed her desire for more children she'd get a gold stare. Recalling arguments from before she'd left for Zurich, Meredith could only sigh. Maybe she had gone soft, or maybe having children made her a better doctor; in her opinion, it made her a better doctor, whenever she had a child as her patient she was able to bring a sense of warmth and personal touch to the case. She was irritated by the fact that while Cristina had been in Seattle almost two months now, with no clear direction of why she was there or what her intentions were, she had only seen Meredith twice. She was a patient person, but when her now-distant friend suddenly returned to her world without rhyme or reason, she needed to know.

On one of her days off, she found herself at the hotel Cristina was staying at, sighing as she took the elevator up to her room. She could be doing a million other things today, including spending the day with her kids, but no, she **had** to seek out Cristina for answers. Standing in front of her hotel room door, she knocked, chewing on her lip and twisting her rings around her finger. By now all of her bruises had faded, her sutures had been taken out, and she was healed physically. Mentally though the attack would always be there.

Inside the room she could hear footsteps, and in a moment Cristina opened the door, surprised to see her.

"Meredith," she said, her eyes wide. Meredith wrinkled her nose, crossing her arms over her body.

"We need to have a talk," she said, knowing she was about to become bossy and critical, memories of their arguments of years past flooding her brain. She stepped into the hotel room and sat down on the bed, looking up at Cristina.

"Uh, okay. So talk," Cristina said, sitting down in a chair facing her.

"Why are you here? Why did you come back? You ran off to Zurich for your dream job, you have a whole department at your beck and call, you disappear for two years and you stop calling me, you stop almost all contact with me, but suddenly you're back with no warning, no phone call, not even a, hey Mere, I'm coming to visit for two fucking months text?" she said shaking her head a bit. "I know we talked before the attack. But you just…you have no idea what's gone on in the years you've been gone," she said slowly, her eyes piercing. Cristina, to her credit, didn't flinch.

"No, I don't, nor do I claim to know what's gone on while I've been gone. Everything is different. There's new people, you have new friends, the people you've let into your life are new. You have a new sister, Derek's sister is here, she's freaking dating Owen! My ex husband! And you're letting her!"

"Did I need to give permission for Amelia to date Owen or something? Because it's not like you're here brooding over the fact that you two divorced. You got a divorce, you ran off to Zurich. They're happy together, they have a life together or at least they're trying and that's a lot more than I can say for what you and Owen did," Meredith shouted, the words out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Cristina flinched but Meredith went on.

"Those last few months you were here, all you did was fight. With me, with Owen. You weren't satisfied. You told me I wasn't focused, that I had gone soft, that I wasn't the best doctor I could be. You continuously undermined my project for yours and then you were the one getting nominated for awards when it should've been me. Maybe I was unfocused; my fucking husband was 3000 miles away and I had two kids to take care of and my best friend wasn't there for me," she glared at her, eyes flashing. Cristina stared blankly at her, her lips pressed into a hard line.

"You were unfocused Mere. You had so much going on. Derek living in DC, the kids, your fellowship, your research. You slipped. You weren't the same person. You changed. You were trying to have it all and you were sinking. Everyone saw it, everyone knew what was happening. You couldn't do it. You were becoming what your mother had predicted." At that Meredith grew hot-headed at the mention of her mothers words. Cristina knew nothing anymore.

"Oh, really Cristina? And pray tell, where has your perspective come from regarding this from the past two years? In two years I've completed two fellows, I'm head of general surgery as well as a neurosurgeon, my husband almost died, I have three children, I almost died giving birth to two of them, and two months ago I was beaten so badly I was in the hospital for six weeks with multiple fractures and a jaw that was wired shut. But if there's anything I've learned since you've left it's that it's possible to have it all. The kids, the husband, the family. The perfect McLife that I set out to have when I said I do. But you wouldn't know about **any** of that because the minute someone brings up marriage or children, you run for the hills. Or if you make it to either, you ruin the marriage or terminate the pregnancy! Life isn't all about surgery. Life is about the small moments, like holding your seconds old newborn in your arms, or spending time with the crazy people you call family. I don't have a person, Cristina. I have a whole freaking village," she said standing up to go. As she stepped towards the door she turned around.

"You never came. When I was in the hospital, after the attack. You didn't come to see me. I get it, it's hard to see someone you were once best friends with in a terrible situation. But everyone else was there, either as my doctor or as my family, sometimes both. My village was there, and I'm sorry you aren't a part of it anymore," she choked out, tears filling her eyes as she reached for the door handle, stepping outside the room and sucking in big lungfulls of air. It had been two years since she'd fought with her friend, two years since she'd crossed the chasm between them and spilled out the words she'd been fighting with.

She made her way back to her car and once there, she broke down in the drivers seat. She and Cristina had been best friends since day one, but Meredith had moved on. She had Maggie and Amelia, April, Arizona and Callie. She had Alex, Bailey, Ben, Owen, Jo, Stephanie, Webber, Katherine, hell. She even had Penny, when it came down to things. She had everyone in the entire hospital gathering in her house on birthdays and holidays and sometimes just whenever they wanted to come over. She was 37 and had everything she wanted.

She returned home in tears, grateful that Derek was at work and the kids in school or daycare.

* * *

The next day was a work day, and Meredith was busy as usual, with back to back surgeries. She received a page to the nurses station that left her confused but she headed there, running into Cristina. Her demeanor turned cold as she spotted her, and as she approached Cristina turned.

"Why are you here? Aren't we beneath you now? And why did you even come to Seattle?" Meredith questioned, crossing her arms over her chest. Her wedding and engagement rings were pinned to her scrubs, her hair braided back and tucked beneath her purple scrub cap.

"I came back to see if I was missing anything, to see what was happening. But it's clear everyone has moved on, especially you." Her words stung but Meredith straightened herself up, taking a great amount of pride out of her phrasing.

"Yeah, we have. We've moved on. Your replacement? Richard and Ellis's daughter. My little sister. We've all moved on here, Cristina. But it's clear that you haven't. You're still the same person who left here two years ago – cold hearted and unwilling to let anyone in. If you'll excuse me, I have a brain to get to," she said, before turning sharply and walking back to the OR with a purpose.

* * *

 **I'm not sure where this came from but I just kept typing and the words flowed. I only brought Cristina in because readers begged me to, and I had no intention of keeping her here. I also only wrote this chapter because of a bitter review telling me that my story 'could be better'. Hasn't anyone informed people that if you don't have anything nice to say about someone's hard work, then don't say it? Just a hint ;) Please read and review! This chapter was fun to write, I love writing angry Meredith!**


	25. See You Agan

It had been a few weeks since the incident with Cristina happened. Everyone around the hospital had heard about it, but Meredith shrugged it off with an eyeroll. She was 37 and far beyond the drama of her younger years. What's done was done, Cristina had proven that she was unable to change her ways and had only shown up in Seattle to cause drama between the two former best friends. Meredith had simply moved on, becoming more immersed in her job and her family, and the life she had made for herself in Seattle. She had come here over ten years ago, scared and new, and she was proud of herself for the giant hurdles she had overcome to get to the place she was in now.

All day long at work, she'd felt a constantly cramping in her pelvic region, and she'd simply figured she was getting her period. She took a few asprin and kept on working through the cramps. It took her a few hours to realize that her period was late. A month late, to be exact. She had been so stressed with the attack and then Cristina to realize that she had been late. Her eyes widening with horror, she slipped away quietly to grab a pregnancy test from a supply closet, grabbing a few and tucking them into her scrub pockets. For the next few hours, she was called into emergency surgery with Amelia, the two of them working on an aneurism that they were both sure was about to blow. She completely forgot about the increasing pain in her abdomen until she was scrubbing out of the surgery.

All at one the pain overtook her and she doubled over, crouched on the floor of the scrub room. Amelia came in, having finished the surgery, and looked at her with concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked her, kneeling down beside her. Meredith felt like she was going to vomit or pass out, and she begged herself for one or the other to happen.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I kind of have to pee," she lied, forcing herself off the floor and pushing her way out of the scrub room. The nearest public bathroom was right down the hall, but she needed a private bathroom. Derek's office had one, and so did Amelia's, but also so did hers. She headed towards the closest, which was Derek's, and barricaded the door, quickly sitting down on the toilet. The pain had only gotten worse; it was now tearing through her abdomen, and she quickly pulled down her scrub pants and her panties, fearing the worst.

Of course she found the worst.

* * *

Derek had been in the other OR doing a crainiotomy, and bumped into Amelia on both of their way out. Amelia looked up at him with concern on her face.

"Der, I was just in there with Meredith and she looked worse for wear. I think she was in pain but she wouldn't admit anything. She mentioned having to pee, but I have no idea where she went. She just…something was off," she said, biting on her lip, pulling her scrubcap off her head. Derek's face was full of concern. What could be wrong? Meredith had been to hell and back in the past year, first with him, then with herself, and then with Zola falling and breaking her arm. She didn't need anymore tragedies to marr her life. Sighing, he grabbed his cell phone and sent her a text.

Meredith felt her phone go off but she was numb. She had laid down on the bathroom floor, staring at the wall, not wanting to move for fear that she'd start crying. She was in so much pain, and there was so much blood. She didn't remember there being so much blood the first time. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and the jingling of keys; Derek could get in with his keys. The door opened up and she looked up slightly, not feeling well enough to fully move much.

"Mere what's wrong? Tell me," he said, kneeling down beside her. She took a deep breath, not wanting to talk, but she bit on her lip and whimpered.

"It hurts," she cried out, hugging her knees to her chest. All at once he looked down at her, at the sticky stain between her legs, and his mouth dropped open. He didn't have time to grieve, not now.

"Mere, come on, let's get you up to OB," he said quickly, scooping up his wife in his arms and holding him close, moving quickly through the hospital to the OB floor. Once they were there he stood at the desk with Meredith in his arms, her eyes closed as she leaned into his chest.

"I think my wife is having a miscarriage," he said softly to the receptionist. When asked her name he bit his lip and looked down at her exhasusted form, knowing she was in pain. "Dr. Meredith Shepherd," he said, and quickly they were ushered into an exam room and Dr. Ryan was paged. Derek laid her down on the exam table and she opened her eyes a bit, tears spilled out as she pulled at his scrubs and labcoat.

"Der…," she whimpered. Her abdomen was rolling, tied up in knots, waves of pain coming over her. She would feel the stickiness of blood between her legs and she wanted all of it to be over. She hadn't known she was pregnant and here it was, gone before she had even known about it.

"I know Mer, I know," he whispered softly, smoothing her hair back and kissing her forehead. It had all happened so fast; he had only seen her hours before, perky and happy as they parted ways from the carpool this morning, leaving the kids at daycare, and now she was on the OBGYN exam table in searing pain.

It seemed like forever before Connie was rushing into the room, a frown on her face.

"Meredith, I hear we might have a miscarriage on our hands again." Meredith simply replied by bursting into gut-wrenching sobs, curling up into Derek who had managed to climb onto the table with her. Connie bit her lip and watched the woman who had gone to hell and back with two pregnancies and almost losing her husband.

"Meredith..Dr. Shepherd…I need you to remove everything from the waist down so I can get a look," Connie said, knowing how painful this always was for people. Knowing Meredith wouldn't be able to do it from the pain, both physical and mental, Derek got up and took off her shoes, then took off her scrub pants, tossing them in the dirty laundry, then slipped off her stained underwear, before helping move her legs into position. Her sobs had went back to silent crying as Connie performed an exam, her face looking grim as she turned to the pair.

"Well, it looks as if you were about 7 weeks Meredith, it's common for women to not know they're pregnant and to miscarry," she said slowly. Meredith's eyes were shut tight, she wanted the nightmare to end. This was her second miscarriage; it had been years since her first, but it was still her second one, and she had two children she'd given birth to. She knew it was probably the stress from the attack, but it saddened her deeply.

"Just admit me into the hospital and perform the D+C. I'm in so much pain I'm going to throw up. I want to be under anesthesia," she admitted. Connie nodded and left the room, making preparations for the minor procedure. Derek slumped into a chair that he'd pulled to her side, gripping her hands.

"Meredith, we'll get through this," he whispered, as Meredith turned her head towards him, tears staining her cheeks.

"I love you Derek. I'm sorry this happened….again. I know It's not my fault but I'm still sorry. Maybe it's whoevers up there's way of telling us to slow down, that we aren't ready for another one. I mean hell, I didn't know I was pregnant. But it still hurts. Physically and emotionally," she said, turning towards him, making sure the paper was still covering her from the waist down. She hated she was going to be in the hospital again but knowing it was for the best. Amelia and Owen could babysit the kids and Derek could stay with her.

* * *

Within a few hours Meredith and in and out of the OR, her uterus scraped clean of the fetus and placenta, and she was resting in a private hospital room, Derek dozing in the reclining chair beside her. She had had morphine for the pain not too long ago and felt woozy, when there was a knock on the door and Amelia slipped in, her face grim.

"Hey," she said softly, taking in the scene of her brother and sister-in-law. Meredith pushed herself up, wincing.

"Hey," she said hoarsely, rubbing at her eyes. "Does the whole hospital know?" she asked, knowing how gossip worked. Amelia shook her head.

"No, just me and Owen. And Bailey and Webber, and Catherine, but that's it. Owen brought the kids home because I just got out of surgery but he texted me and said they're asleep, I just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay before I left." Meredith looked down at her hands before looking up.

"It feels different than the first time. I feel like I shouldn't be upset over something I didn't know I had, right? But…it hurts. It hurts so much. Because there was something, and then suddenly it was gone," she said, her eyes filling with tears. She felt ridiculous crying in front of Amelia, who had carried a baby to term, a baby who had no brain, a baby who had lived for a few minutes and died in her arms. Amelia softened, and offered a small smile.

"It's crazy how these things effect you, how you don't expect them to affect you but they do. And it's always going to be there in the back of your mind, haunting you, but it haunts you less and less every day," she said, walking over to Meredith and giving her a tight hug. "I love you, Meredith, never forget that. Get some sleep and I'll bring the kids by in the morning," she said with a smile, before nodding to Derek. "Let him take care of you as long as he wants. Let him hover. He deserves to hover," she giggled, before she slipped out of the room.

Hastily, Meredith shook Derek awake. She didn't want to sleep alone tonight. Once he was awake he slipped under the covers of the tiny hospital bed with her, the two of them falling asleep in their shared pain.

* * *

 **I wasn't going to write a Meredith miscarriage plot, but it kind of wrote itself into the story all by itself. Don't hate me! I plan on her having two more kids still, but all in good time, and I felt it was a good plot to have her have a miscarriage and then maybe find out she's pregnant at Christmas? Anyway. Read and review please!**


	26. An Unfortunate Authors Note

I really didn't have to write this authors note but at this point I feel I've been compelled to.

It is not okay to leave a review on a writer's work stating that they've ruined the story for you.

It is not okay to call the writer names simply because the direction their writing has gone in is not the way you wanted it to.

It is not okay to bully the writer because you are not getting the happy ending's you wanted.

It is not okay to yell at the writer for 'spoilers' or 'spoiling upcoming storylines'.

It is my discretion to let slip what I'm planning on writing. If you don't like it, that's fine. I am 26 years old and have been raised under the pretense of 'if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it'

I am the writer of this story and can take the story in any direction I would like, including disclosing future plot points. I can also, at any time, choose to end this story and take it away from everyone because of one reviewer being a brat about things. I'm NOT going to do that, because I'm a nice person, but my patience and willpower is severely being tested. If there was a way to ban IP addresses, I would have done so by now.

TL;DR

Take your attitude towards my writerly-decision making somewhere else, or write your own story where all the things that you want to happen in my story that don't happen, happen. Thank you.

To the rest of you, I love you all so much and you are the reason I write! Patsy, greysfannn, mandyg67, roganjalex, kaileycat, and all my usual reviewers! I love you guys so much 3

If you'd like to contact me further please PM me! And don't worry, the story will go on as usual, i just wanted to get this off my chest :)


	27. Lightweight

Following the miscarriage, Derek and Meredith were both given a week off of work by Bailey, being told to spend time with their kids. The whole week, Meredith didn't remember a moment where she put down Ellis, choosing instead to carry her everywhere even when it wasn't convenient, snuggling her sweet baby smell. She was seven months old and while she wasn't crawling yet, she was sitting up and playing, her happy baby giggle filling the house and cheering Meredith up. It was crazy, mourning something she didn't even know she had until it was gone, but her sweet baby girl filled part of that void, and in the nights, curling up close with Derek filled the other part of that void.

Returning to work was uneventful for most of the day, until Meredith was paged for a neuro consult. Heading to the room, she met up with both Amelia and Derek, raising an eyebrow.

"All three of us were paged? Really?" she asked, as they headed into the room. She had to blink a few times at the patient, her eyes wide.

"Katie?" she asked, biting down on her lip, looking up at Derek as she stood there, sandwiched between him and Amelia. Katie Bryce had been her first ever patient; she had been the person that brought her and Derek together. And she had been the biggest fucking pain in the ass.

"They still let you be a doctor here?" The now young woman asked, and Meredith inwardly groaned. Derek took the hit and stepped forward with a smile.

"Hi Katie, I'm Doctor Shepherd, I was on your case the first time along with the other Doctor Shepherd. And then the other Doctor, is also Doctor Shepherd, she's my sister."

"So wait, you're all Doctor Shepherd? Doesn't that get confusing?" Katie asked, and Amelia shrugged.

"I'm their boss, and they're married now, but we're all your doctors and we're going to figure out what's going on with you this time, Katie," Amelia said, before the three left the room. Amelia ordered an MRI and Meredith ran off to answer a General 911 page.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Meredith was paged to MRI, where she met up with Derek and Amelia. The images were popping up on the computer screen just as she entered the room and her eyes widened.

"Shit," she said, the three of them astonished at how enormous the aneurysm was. Katie had warned them not to shave her head again but that was out the window the moment the scans popped up on the screen. "She's going to kill us, simply because we have to shave her head. I'm making my intern do it," she giggled slightly, Derek catching her by the waist and placing a kiss on her lips.

"I'm not telling her the bad news either, she's still a brat and I have my General patient to check up on," she grinned, giving Derek a kiss goodbye before she fled the Neuro wing, heading over to check up on her patient, who was pre-op.

* * *

The day finished quickly, and with a sigh she and Derek were heading home, the kids asleep in the backseat. Amelia promised she would make it home before midnight and try not to wake up the whole house this time.

Once they were home, the kids came back to life, and Meredith was grateful that Ellie was teething and wanted to be in her arms; deep down she was still mourning her loss and her clingy daughter comforted her. She simply put Ellie in the carrier, busying herself around the house with cleaning up, then making dinner for the five of them. She was exhausted from her busy day of switching between specialties, and then switching to mommy-mode. Derek helped her out like he always did, making something for the two of them to eat while she made something kid-friendly (and usually frozen and easy for her to not make up). Once everything was ready they finally sat down as a family, Ellie in her high chair, Meredith trying to feed the two of them at the same time, but she wouldn't change anything in the world.

After dinner came baths, with Derek taking charge while Meredith did the dishes, after which she eventually wandered upstairs to the kids bathroom, standing in the doorway and smiling down at the life they had created together. Zola was in the stall shower with Bailey in the bath, a naked Ellie sitting on her monkey towel.

"Oh Ellie, daddy has his hands full, let's go get you dressed," she smiled, making faces at the baby who giggled in response, tugging on Meredith's hair. Meredith only smiled more, cherishing these moments that Elllis was still a baby as she laid her down, expertly putting her in a diaper, and putting her in a pale pink onesie. It was unseasonably warm tonight, a light breeze coming in through the window as she grabbed a soft blanket and settled into the rocker in the corner, looking down at the beautiful baby in her arms. She had been a pure surprise, but a welcome one. Her soft baby hair had turned black and she had Derek's piercing blue eyes. Gently, Meredith rocked Ellie in the chair, feeding her the bottle she had heated up downstairs until it was empty and the baby was asleep, before tucking her into her crib and flicking off the light, heading down the hall.

Zola and Bailey were out of the shower, and Meredith guided her big six year old daughter into her bedroom, working on brushing out her tight hair.

"Here," she said, handing her panties and a Cinderella nightgown, Zola quickly getting dressed and climbing into bed, Meredith sitting beside her.

"Do you have a new favorite book to read to me, Zo?" she said with a smile. Zola had just started first grade and loved to show off to everyone in the hospital that she could read.

"Yes! I want to read Goodnight Moon." Meredith laughed and kissed her cheek.

"Zo, that's one of Ellie's books," she teased, as she winkled her nose and hugged her close.

"Yeah but it's easy and I like reading it before bed," she said, reaching for the book and started to read it. Meredith laid her head down next to Zola's, listening to her voice read the book. By the end of the story, both Shepherd girls were asleep.

It was awhile before Derek came looking for Meredith; he had tucked Bailey into his racecar bed and read him at least ten stories before he fell asleep. Watching his wife curled up with one of his daughters made him smile, and he snapped a photo before scooping her up in his arms.

"What're you doing?" she mumbled, her arms going around his neck as he carried her downstairs to their bedroom and gently shut the door. The baby monitor was on but he ignored it, laying her down on the bed. She slowly woke up in the dim light, hearing the bathtub running and she sat up, rubbing at her eyes and following the light into the bathroom, a smile slowly spreading across her face. Derek was leaning against the sink, looking at his phone, but he looked up when he noticed her in the doorway. The tub was running and it was already full of bubbles, candles were lit on every surface of the bathroom, and the scent of lavender filled the air.

"I know life threw us a curveball lately, and I know it's not either of our faults that it happened, but come on. Get naked and get in the bath," he smirked, taking off his shirt. Meredith laughed, unbuttoning her jeans and letting them fall to the floor. Her bra and panties were next and then she was slipping into the bathtub, the one she had requested be made so big that both her knees and boobs were covered when she was in it.

"Well Dr. Shepherd, aren't you going to join me?" she smirked, her body disappearing in bubbles and water. Derek didn't have to be asked twice, the rest of his clothes were off and he was sinking into the water behind Meredith, her head laying to rest on his shoulder. This was exactly what she needed, his hands running up and down her body, her eyes closed. They couldn't have sex for at least a month, but just being together was enough for her right now.

"I love you so much," she murmured, the lavender relaxing her more than her shampoo and conditioner usually did, as he moved his fingers to her hair, massaging it and letting his fingers run through it.

They stayed in the bath for ages, until the water started to cool, and by then Meredith was drowsy. Drying off and pulling on shorts and a tank top, she fell into bed, Derek's arms encircling her waist as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **I wanted to write a chapter including Katie but I didn't want to rewatch the episode for emotional MerDer reasons haha so I sort of just wrote it from memory and kept that part short, I'm sorry! I hope you like the chapter and I promise better ones soon!**


	28. One Shot Note

So spring break starts in an hour (I'm sidelined in rehearsals because diabetes sucks!) and I plan on updating ALL stories multiple times during the week! But I posted a one-shot song fic and I plan on writing a bunch more during break! Look out for them all, follow my user name so you don't miss anything, I don't want you to miss anything exciting! I wrote the fic (It's titled All Too Well) last night before bed and I'm actually INCREDIBLY proud of it! Lots of the one-shots are going to be based off of Taylor Swift songs but some might not be You never know until you read them! I'm very excited about the things I have planned for my writing and you guys should too!

Also, I made a Grey's twitter and you can follow it at merderloving! I post lots of pictures and tweet a lot if you're interested and I follow back! You can meet your writer ;) Let me know who you are if you decide to follow me!


	29. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping

Thanksgiving morning, Meredith sat on the bathroom floor, her head in the toilet. The night before, Carolyn had whisked the three kids away to Amelia and Owen's new place, while most of the adults had a pre-Thanksgiving party. Meredith woke up, however, feeling sick to her stomach and clammy all over, and right now she couldn't move from the cool tiles of the bedroom floor.

"Der," she moaned, hugging her stomach, before sitting up and emptying it's contents into the toilet. After a moment she felt him behind her, holding her hair back and rubbing her back gently. She couldn't even remember the last time alcohol had made her sick; it must've been years and years ago, back before she and Derek were truly a couple. After throwing up, she laid down on the cool tile, feeling worse for wear.

"This isn't going to be a good Thanksgiving," she moaned, closing her eyes before she felt herself being lifted up. Derek carried her back to bed and tucked her in, where she burrowed into the numerous pillows and fluffy blankets. Unfortunately, her joy of being back in bed was short lived, when she head Bailey running through the house and he ultimately jumped on the bed.

"Mommy! Aunt Mia and Uncle Owen are the best! We watched Aladdin and they made us waffles for breakfast!" he grinned. The three and a half year old had an endless amount of energy and Meredith's queasy stomach couldn't handle it. Catching him by the waist she smiled, pulling him towards her with a smile.

"Awww, my big boy went on his very first sleepover to Aunt Mia's! I'm so glad you had fun, Bailey-boo," she grinned, kissing his forehead. He smelled of baby shampoo and the rain that was gently falling outside.

"Why don't you go help daddy and Aunt Mia start brunch? The rest of your aunts and uncles and cousins will be here in a few hours," she smiled, and the little boy ran out of the room, ready to beat his big sister for the best space at the counter. Finally, she was able to fall back asleep for a few more hours.

* * *

The next time she woke was to the aroma of their usual Thanksgiving day brunch, but instead of it smelling amazing, it made her stomach churn. She bolted to the bathroom, but with nothing in her stomach she only threw up disgusting yellow bile. Once she was finished, she dragged herself to the shower, letting the steam and water help her feel better, and feeling refreshed, she pulled on a tightly-fitting black dress, with grey tights and grey ankle boots, and headed out to the main rooms. The smell still made her stomach churn, but she decided she'd forego the crazy family brunch, instead just having a cup of coffee to help ward off whatever was going on.

Sure enough, the rest of the Shepherd clan and their hospital family showed up soon, and the house was filled with adults and children of all ages, and Meredith was able to hide in the background and hide from Derek that she still couldn't keep anything down. Once brunch was cleared, everyone who wasn't cooking was kicked out of the kitchen anyway, including Meredith, who sat on the floor playing with Ellis, who was going to be a year old soon enough and was starting to say her first words. There were so many other kids running around of all ages; Bailey and Zola had their favorite cousins, but Ellis was the youngest. The smells coming from the kitchen were making her stomach churn again, and Meredith swallowed, fighting back the rising bile. She had had way too much tequila last night.

The day seemed to stretch on and on with no end, and everyone wanted to talk to Meredith it seemed, who felt like crap and just wanted to lay down. She could feel Derek's gaze on her but she turned away, not wanting to let it be known how shitty she felt. She had a family to show off in front of and act like she felt great for, especially as she set the numerous tables with their many sets of dishes as the meal got closer to being finished, with Lizzie, Amelia, and Maggie in the kitchen as usual.

With the food on the table and the wine poured, everyone took their seats. A brief prayer of thanks was said, before food was passed around. Meredith sat next to Derek, who sat at the head of the table, with Ellie in her highchair inbetween them. She had taken food and was attempting to eat it, ignoring the nagging feeling in her stomach that she shouldn't be eating it, washing each bite down with a gulp of red wine, feeling worse and worse with each bite, but she was determined not to leave the table. Suddenly though, she had one bite too many, and she politely excused herself before walking quickly into her bedroom, rushing into the bathroom, and emptying everything she had just eaten into the toilet.

She didn't know how long she remained there; she grabbed a towel and used it as a pillow and drifted off to sleep. She knew Derek already knew she felt terrible and was also otherwise occupied, so she laid on the floor of the bathroom, intermittently sleeping and emptying her stomach. It felt like hours later when Derek walked in and crouched down beside her, concerned.

"Do you think you have the stomach flu, Mere?" he asked her, pressing on her abdomen. She shook her head gently.

"No, it doesn't hurt, I just. I can't keep anything down…oh!" she said, it suddenly dawning on her. She sat up and rifled through the cabinet under the sink, reaching towards the back before pulling out a pregnant test, still in the wrapper.

"I skipped my period…I've been so stressed with work that I didn't realize it. I mean, it would be six weeks by now…" she trailed off, her stomach heaving again as she leaned towards the toilet. Derek nodded and got up, leaving the bathroom so she could pee on the stick and learn their future. Part of her was terrified; the last time she was pregnant she had lost the baby. Two miscarriages, and two babies. The thought of losing another one terrified her. She sucked in a breath as she peed on the stick, setting it on a clean tissue and setting a timer on her phone, then washing her hands. She opened the bathroom door and looked at Derek on the bed, leaning against the doorway.

"Three minutes," she said with a small smile. She wanted it to be positive, she wanted another baby. She had always imagined them with five kids. Five chatty children for their large chatty family, Bailey as the only boy surrounded by four sisters just like Derek had been. She heard the timer go off and she turned, her stomach dropping out from under her. This was it, this was the time to find out their future.

"You want to look, Der?" she asked him, and he smiled gently, pressing her a kiss before he went to look at the test. His back was to her so she had no idea what it was until he turned around, grinning.

"Hey Mere, we're having a baby," he grinned, tugging her close and burying his face in her hair, inhaling the deep lavender scent. She was overwhelmed with emotions, tears springing to her eyes as her hand went to her stomach. She was pregnant again and she couldn't wait, even though she knew each pregnancy was going to be harder on her than the last. She would do anything and everything she could for her children, she thought, as she looked up at Derek.

"We're having another baby," she grinned, knowing that there was an answer for her all-day sickness. Everyone was still in the house, but there was no way she was sharing their private news tonight. It could wait until their Christmas in New York.

* * *

 **So here's a chapter I whipped up because I'm running out of ideas I'm really unhappy with how the show is going and I may stop watching entirely, I'm not sure yet. We'll see how this week goes but I can't watch it tomorrow night because I'm going to the talent show of the girl I nanny (yay spring break!). I don't want to end this so keep sending in ideas! Either way I have two other stories and loads of one-shot ideas ! Anyway Meredith is pregnant so yay! Read and review and leave ideas please! I love you** **guys!**


	30. I Love LA

By mid-December, Meredith was 8 weeks along and had a little pooch from being pregnant before. With all of the holiday time they had piled up, Derek and Meredith decided to take the three kids to Disneyland. Not only did they want to have a family vacation before there was a fourth member, but Meredith wanted to see Addison and have her check that everything was okay.

Packing for two adults and three kids was crazy; Bailey kept pulling everything out of his suitcase and Zola kept adding more and more princess dresses, telling Meredith "I have to have a dress for EVERY princess." Meredith just shook her head, wondering how she managed to raise a sassy girly girl she loved it.

For herself she packed loose dresses and some tighter ones, wanting to bask in the warm LA air and feel free to let her small bump loose, rather than hide it under scrubs. She was excited to see Addison, who had become a close friend to her, and she knew underneath his annoyance at having his wife and ex-wife being friends, Derek was excited to see her too, as well as Naomi and Sam.

* * *

LA-day came, and the morning of their flight was a hassle of last minute items, remembering a crazy amount of things for Ellie, before Amelia drove them all to the airport. She suspiciously eyed Meredith's stomach but chose not to say anything; by the time the family came home she'd be 10 weeks and showing even more.

Just getting through security was a hassle with three kids; Meredith held Ellie while Derek managed Bailey and Zola, and afterwards they made their way to LA. At least LA wasn't a long flight, just over two hours, and soon they were descending into the city, grabbing their bags and the car seats, and piling into the rental car on their way to the hotel. They were staying at the Four Seasons and Meredith couldn't wait to relax, even with the three kids, who couldn't wait for Disneyland in a few days. She was just excited to lay by the pool in a bikini, which was nearly impossible in Seattle most of the time.

First stop though, after settling into the hotel, was to Oceanside Wellness. Arriving at the building, Derek looked up with a smile; he had been there before but Meredith hadn't. She shifted Ellie on her hip, the little girl dressed in a light pink dress identical to her older sisters, as Derek lifted Bailey into his arms, holding Zola's hand.

"Guys, you're going to meet your aunt Addison, she's very important to mommy and daddy," Derek said, before exchanging a glance with Addison. She couldn't help but laugh, her eyes sparkling, as they got in the elevator. In a moment it opened into the lobby of Oceanside Wellness and Meredith went up to the desk, clearing her throat to be noticed by the receptionist.

"Hi, I'm here to see Addison Montgomery," she stated, before she heard the clacking of heels behind her.

" _Meredith!_ " the voice said, before she spun around, Ellis flailing her arms. Addison took another look and noticed Derek with Zola and Bailey.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" she asked them, staring at Ellis, who was a complete clone of Derek with her dark hair and blue eyes, and Meredith's milky white skin. Bailey looked just like Meredith, with Derek's eyes, and she had known already that they had adopted Zola.

"Oh my god, there's three now? Look how cute you are," she said to Ellis, holding out her arms. To her credit, Ellie leaned out and let Addison hold her.

"Come on, let's go into my office," she smiled, and Zola took Meredith's hand as the five of them went into Addison's office. Meredith and Derek sank down into chairs, letting the older two run around, with Addison completely engrossed in Ellie.

"I can't believe you guys have three now," she grinned, looking up from Ellie at her friends. "What are their names?"

Meredith smiled softly, watching Bailey and Zola play with Henry's toys in the corner.

"The oldest is Zola, then that's Bailey – well his name is Derek Bailey, but we call him Bailey, and this one is Ellis, but we usually call her Ellie," she smiled fondly. Addison swallowed and smiled down at the little girl, fully aware that this could've been her little girl once upon.

"So why are you guys here? I mean, it's been forever since your wedding, what, six years? Seven?" she asked them, Ellie now sitting facing forward, grabbing things off the desk as Addison gently pried them out of her tight fists. Meredith looked at Derek for a moment and breathed.

"Well, we have a lot of vacation time so we wanted to take the kids to Disneyland, and not to Florida because California is closer. And…. I'm pregnant again. I almost died giving birth to Bailey and Ellis and we both want to make sure that never happens again," she said, taking a deep breath. "With Bailey I fell before and my spleen ruptured. I almost bled out and it didn't help that he was face up and they did a C-section in the dark. With Ellie, I had a complete placental abruption and almost bled out in the kitchen in front of Zola. I had a miscarriage in September. I can't deal with losing this baby, or having an insanely complicated delivery. We want you to be our doctor," she said, folding her hands on the desk in front of her.

Addison had figured it would be something like this, she thought, bouncing Ellis on her lap. She figured it would be easy enough; every four weeks she could come to Seattle for a few days and check on Meredith, maybe do another consult or two, and head home to Seattle. She could even bring Henry to meet his little Shepherd cousins, and Jake if he wanted to meet her Seattle family.

"I think that's doable. You want the best, I'm the best. It's logical, having scary pregnancies in the past, or at the very least scary deliveries. It's your third baby and it seems as if they've gotten worse over time. How's your morning sickness?" she asked, opening a fresh chart and starting to take notes.

"Horrible," she admitted, knowing that that was a good thing. The worse the morning sickness was, the healthier the baby was; it didn't take an MD to know that. Addison nodded, Ellie pulling at her hair and she smiled.

"Miss Shepherd," she laughed in a stern voice. "That will be enough pulling for today," she smiled, looking into the baby's piercing blue eyes as she jotted things down.

"When did your morning sickness start?" she asked, trying to pinpoint her due date.

"Around Thanksgiving, I think I'm about 8 weeks," she shrugged. Addison nodded, knowing she'd have to do an exam on her. Taking a few more notes she stood up, passing Ellie to Derek.

"I'll have Sam watch the kids while we do the exam and everything," she said as she poked her head out of her office, yelling for Sam. He exchanged pleasantries with Meredith and Derek, before the couple was pulled into an exam room. Meredith took off everything from the waist down and was told to relax while Addison did an exam.

"Alright, baby is around 8 weeks, heartbeat is strong…here it is," Addison smiled, bringing up the image on the computer and the sound filled the room. Meredith smiled and reached for Derek's hand, tears forming in her eyes. It didn't matter that this was their third baby; she knew her reaction would always be the same.

"I don't remember Bailey and Ellie being this small," she giggled, eyes going out to the main room where they were playing with Sam. They were her big kids now; this was her tiny baby. Addison smiled up at the couple.

"You guys are doctors, you know what to do. Prenatal vitamins, taking it easy as much as you can. Delegate to those beneath you when possible, keeping off your feet when you can in the later months. Are you an attending yet Mere?" she asked her, wiping the gel off her small bump. Meredith smirked.

"Head of Gereral and a Neuron attending. Amelia is head of Neuron and Derek and I work under her," she shrugged, adjusting her hair and pulling her underwear and leggings back on. Addison handed them a strip of photos and smiled at them, pulling Meredith into a hug.

"I can't believe in almost seven years you guys have almost four kids. You've come so far in your life and your relationship," she grinned, and Meredith smiled back. Both women had grown so much, and Derek looked on, wondering how he had gotten to a point in his life where his wife and ex-wife were friends.

"Thank you, I appreciate it a lot," Meredith said, tucking the photos into her bag. "And thank you for agreeing to be my doctor throughout this, I trust Dr. Ryan but she's not someone who loves high risk patients," she shrugged, leaving the exam room. Zola ran up to her immediately with a grin.

"What's up, Zoo?" she asked her tall, gangly six year old.

"Uncle Sam taught me to play go fish and I'm kicking his butt!" Meredith had to laugh, kissing the top of her daughter's friend, before sending her back over to Sam.

"Zola's perfect. She's smart, she's happy, she's spirited. She came into our lives when we needed a baby, when they told us we couldn't have kids. And then Bailey came a few years later, and Ellis was born in February after a year of hell." Derek headed over to Sam to catch up, and Meredith turned to Addison.

"Derek almost died," she said softly, her eyes tearing up. "He got hit by a semi, they brought him to a hospital without a trauma center. I got there in time to have him transferred; Amelia and I weren't allowed to go near him. It was hell. He was in the hospital for two months; he was in a coma a few days. It was the worst time of my life. I didn't leave his bedside even though Carolyn tried to make me. She realized I wasn't going to and stayed with the kids." She felt Addison's arms slide around her and for a moment, tears fell down her eyes without shame. She needed someone who was close to Derek, who understood what it was like to lose him, to know what hell she'd been in in the past year and a half.

"But Mere, he came out of it, and he's here, and you have a third child, and you're having a fourth. You're Meredith and Derek, you can survive anything together and you know that," she said, looking down at the younger, shorter woman. Meredith merely nodded and dried off her tears; her kids needed her. She broke off from Addison, and then turned around.

"We're going to Disney for the next few days, want to take Henry and come with us?" she smiled, knowing Henry and Bailey were both three. Addison broke into a smile and nodded.

"I'd love to, we've never gotten to take him yet because Jake and I are so busy," she said sheepishly, ducking into the kitchen and grabbing an apple as Meredith and Derek gathered the three kids and got ready to leave. Meredith picked up Ellie and set her on her hip with a huge smile, glad that today went great.

"Great, just text either one of us, Princess Zola wants to do a princess breakfast so let us know okay?" she grinned, Ellie grabbing at her earrings and she sighed, pulling her hands off. "This one has a taste for the finer things in life," she teased, as the family of almost 6 stepped into the elevator.

In the car on the way back to the hotel, the kids fell asleep and it was just Meredith and Derek.

"Look, I know it's weird because she's your ex wife, but I like her a lot despite our earlier interactions, and she's a great person and an even greater doctor and I wouldn't want anyone else on my case," she hastily explained to him. At a red light, Derek looked over at her with a small smile.

"No, I agree with you. Addie is the best and I only want the best for us. Time heals all wounds and it's been…what, ten years since she and I divorced? We're all friends now, it's good Mere," he leaned over and gave her a kiss and she smiled. It was only mid afternoon but she was tired too. Once they got back to the hotel, only waking Zola to get upstairs, Meredith lay down and curled up around her sleeping 10 month old, quickly falling asleep.

* * *

 **So I loved the Disney idea and thought going to Disneyland in California would be a great idea to bring Addison into the story! Next chapter will be days in Disneyland Read and review please!**


	31. Can You Keep a Secret

Disneyland was a dream. Meredith had never been before, and walking down Main Street with her three kids was exciting for her just as exciting as it was for Zola, dressed in her Tiana dress that Carolyn had made her.

"Mommy mommy it's the castle!" she shrieked out as Derek pushed the strolled that held Bailey and Ellis. Ellis was in a tiny little Rapunzel dress, and Bailey wore a Mickey shirt. Beside them Henry was in his own stroller playing with his toes in his shoes, and Addison smirked at Zola.

"Hey Zo, what if I told you you could meet the princesses?" she asked her niece, and Zola turned around with wide eyes before looking at Meredith.

"Can I Mommy? Can I meet the princesses?" the six year old asked, and Meredith laughed, adjusting her shirt over her small bump.

"Of course you can silly, but we have our princess breakfast first," she said with a smile, kissing her on the forehead and taking her hand, the two of them leading the way towards the castle. Derek couldn't help but snap a photo of his wife and oldest daughter silhouetted against the castle; it was too cute for words. They eventually got to the restaurant and pictures were taken with Cinderella. Zola was shy until Meredith pushed her forward, and she melted in the princess's arms, then they went to their table. Addison watched how Derek and Meredith juggled three kids with ease as she got Henry settled in his booster next to Bailey, Ellie went between Meredith and Derek, and Zola went on the end next to Meredith.

The breakfast went well, with Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, Aurora, and Ariel appearing, making Zola a very happy little girl. After breakfast, the group decided where they would go next. The dark rides were solace for the younger kids, while Zola wanted to go on roller coasters so the made a deal – roller coasters first, then the dark rides in the heat of the day.

* * *

Disneyland went off without a hitch and the couple parted from Addison with hugs and promises to see her in a month for the 12 week ultrasound. Meredith and Derek were going home the next day, and then they were getting ready to go to New York for Christmas. Meredith was nervous with her bump, but she figured 10 weeks was a good time to tell the family she was pregnant again.

Getting back to Seattle was nice, it was cold and rainy and she thrived. Layering on her clothes as she got off the plane, she was hiding her bump under her coat and with Ellie in her coat at her hip. Amelia picked them up, questioning why they went to LA.

"Oh, we went to visit Addison," Meredith smiled, her eyes twinkling. Amelia's eyes sparkled themselves as she reached towards Meredith, tearing Ellie from her arms so that she could get at her bump under her clothes and coat.

"Oh Mer, another!? Mom's going to be so excited. She'll be even more excited because I'm bringing Owen home as my fiancée," she beamed, showing off the ring on her finger. Meredith shrieked in delight, gazing at the ring on her finger.

"Oh my god! Derek, your little sister is getting married," she beamed, as Ellie tried to grab the ring. She giggled and kissed her daughters forehead.

"Ellie you'll make a pretty little flower girl in Auntie Mia's wedding," she grinned, before hugging Amelia tightly. Derek let go of his tight hold on Bailey while Meredith grabbed him, pulling his baby sister tightly.

"Congratulations Amy," he grinned, looking down at her hand. "Owen's so lucky to have you, finally. It's been awhile and you two have waited long enough," he smiled, and Amelia closed her eyes. She had Derek's blessing and Meredith knew that's all she wanted in life – Derek to be happy with her, for her, and proud of her.

Running to catch their bags on the carousel, Meredith turned to Amelia, touching her belly.

"Well, Mom is going to have a lot to be happy about this Christmas, and the sisters," she smiled, sliding her arm around Amelia's waist as Derek piled the bags onto a cart and they headed out to the car.

* * *

There were only two weeks until Christmas and they went by quickly, before Derek, Meredith, Amelia, Owen, and the three kids found themselves flying to New York. Owen had met Carolyn before when she visited Seattle, but not as Amy's boyfriend and now fiancée. Amy was nervous because of that; Meredith was nervous because she couldn't walk five steps without vomiting. She popped a Zofran before the flight and fell asleep curled up with Ellis; the rest of the adults helped Derek, knowing Meredith was insanely sick. Landing in New York was a miracle, and getting all their things into two cars was a miracle – thank god they had sent presents ahead.

The drive to West Chester was the same as it had been for years, but this time was Ellie's first time joining her cousins there. They managed to get there in record time since there was no snow, and soon both cars were unloading at the house. It was only the 23rd and only Nancy and her five kids were there to greet them, as well as Carolyn.

"Hiii!" Meredith rang out, taking Zola's coat as she ran off to hang out with her cool older cousins.

"Hey!" Nancy smiled, giving her a hug, before pulling back and looking at her inquisitively. Nancy was an OB/GYN and nothing got by her. Meredith smiled back with a knowing look, miming zipping her lips. Nancy grinned back, her eyes excited as she helped Bailey out of his coat, and taking Ellis from Derek.

"Oh god Der, she looks just like you, what did you do, clone yourself?" she teased him. Derek rolled his eyes and laughed as he went outside to grab some of their bags. Amelia came running in the house with a smile, Owen leisurely coming in behind her.

"Hey, Nance, this is Owen," she smiled. She had tucked her engagement ring away, wanting to surprise everyone at once. Nancy looked up and smiled.

"Hi, I've heard so much about you from my sister, I think she actually likes you," she teased, and Amelia rolled her eyes, grabbing their bags and bringing Owen upstairs to her childhood bedroom. Derek finished bringing their things upstairs before coming down.

"So how far along are you Meredith?" she asked, and Derek socked her in the arm.

"Hey!"

"So you have to be a doctor all the time? Meredith's sick."

"Oh god Derek it's my third pregnancy, I'm used to it," she said with a roll of her eyes and a smile, putting her hands on her belly beneath her tunic top.

"I'm 12 weeks, we're announcing it Christmas day. Not a word, Nance!" she shrieked, laughing a bit, making Ellis laugh."

"Hey my lips are sealed, just hide that tum better," she teased her.

* * *

 **Christmas part 1! Part 2 should be great! Sorry I'm slacking this week, coming back from spring break sucked plus my stomach disease is blah and then on top of that I have bronchitis! And my show is in a month so I have crazy rehearsals going on but I'm still updating! More updates tomorrow because I can't do Easter stuff because I don't want to get my nephews sick!**


	32. That's How You Know

Christmas morning was like no other. Meredith sat around the tree with her three children, helping Ellie open her presents, loving the squeal that came out of her delighted baby mouth. She couldn't wait, though, to hand out the wrapped books she had made, the story of the Derek and Meredith Shepherd family, that ended with a photo of the ultrasound. Derek was standing by with a discreet camera after opening his presents; the living room was a mess of wrapping paper and children of all ages.

Everyone opened up the book and read through it, enjoying the photos of Meredith and Derek from the very start of their relationship, before Addison, after Addison, from post-it notes to Zola, from frat houses to the Dream House, from Meredith meeting Lizzie and Amelia for the first time, to Bailey being born, to the real wedding, to vow renewals – right down to the ultrasound of baby number four. Or three, however way they looked at it. Zola was very much baby number one for Meredith and Derek.

As the family got to the end of the book, there were gasps from all over the room as Derek filmed, everyone crowding around Meredith and hugging her, and then stampeding towards Derek and crowding around him. He was their baby brother, and besides Amelia, the only way they were going to get more nieces and nephews. Amelia grinned beside Meredith.

"See, your kids are going to be my kids babysitters," she piped up out of nowhere, looking shocked at what she said. Owen sat beside he and he smiled warmly, kissing her forehead.

"Don't look so shocked, I knew you'd come around somehow," he teased her, and Meredith giggled before going into the kitchen to help with Christmas dinner.

* * *

The day was fun, with the kids and adults playing with new toys and gadgets, Meredith helping with food and playing with her three kids, and generally relaxing with Derek as the adults watched classic Christmas movies. It was a usual Christmas and she soaked it up, knowing next year there would be two kids under the age of two, Ellie and the new baby, but she found herself excited. As she grew older she found herself with a nice balance of family and work and she was proud of herself. She was extraordinary and she had what her mother couldn't have.

Sitting around the dinner table, surrounded by family, she knew her life was filled to the brim. She was truly happy, despite the morning sickness she could feel settling in, and she had to quickly dash upstairs. Feeling Derek's hand on her back, she managed a small smile. She was right where she wanted to be; no one could pull her anywhere else or tell her she was needed anywhere else at this moment. She didn't want to go anywhere or be tugged in any other direction.

* * *

She didn't remember laying down, but she must've fallen asleep on the bathroom floor. Waking up, she had all three kids crawling on her and she smiled. She pulled Ellie close to her with Zola tickling Bailey, who was in Derek's arms and she rolled over, reaching over and kissing Derek.

"I love you four to the moon and back," she giggled, before her lips landed on his nose.

"Merry Christmas, Der," she smiled, her hand resting on her stomach.

"Merry Christmas, Mer," he smiled back, his hand resting on top of hers.

* * *

 **So sorry to the people complaining about the fact that I haven't updated this. It's the end of the semester so I'm busy with my dance show and I was just in the hospital for 6 days. I really hope this super short chapter tides you over until I can get a longer one up! And yes, I have plans for Amelia and Owen to get engaged, and a lot of other things, but good things take time ;)**


	33. Reviews

**Ugh so reviews aren't showing up AGAIN. I can see you amazing people have sent in reviews but I can't read them and it's killing me! I have one more story to update but I don't want to update any more of them until reviews are showing again because I want to give you guys what you want in my chapters and not just ignore your opinions! THIS IS KILLING ME! I'll write an update for the ballet story (not that anyone really reads it) since it's next in line but ugh, I want to wait for reviews to show again! I really really want to see what you guys are saying! You can always message me things Goodbye for now!**

 **Also, follow me on twitter at merderinabar**


	34. For Good

Meredith's third pregnancy was different. Her stomach got huge much faster, so by 16 weeks the entire hospital knew she was pregnant, despite trying to hide it under her scrubs. It helped that April was pregnant at the same time; technically her second pregnancy but her first viable and the two women were enjoying being pregnant together. Meredith's patients loved their pregnant doctor and watching her happily round on them with a smile on her face, her hand always resting on the swell of her stomach.

Derek loved watching her move around the hospital, knowing their baby was safe. She wasn't having any of the crazy symptoms she'd had with Bailey, and he had been out of commission for most of her pregnancy with Eliis, but he wasn't going to m

iss any of this. He was there for every appointment, every movement, every craving. When she wanted strawberry ice cream at 4 am, he ran out and got it for her, making sure he supplied her with trashy tabloids to go with her cravings.

With 16 weeks came the gender-revealing ultrasound, and dressed in their matching navy scrubs, Meredith and Derek made their way up to OB. Addison had promised to be their doctor through this and she was waiting for them in the ultrasound room, waiting for Meredith to strip down to just her scrub top and slip under the sheet for the exam and ultrasound.

"Okay, baby looks healthy, growing nicely. You're due around July 15th," she said with a smile, and Meredith grinned at Derek. It was after their birthday's and the kids birthdays, so it was like adding on another birthday.

"Do you want to know the gender?" Addison asked, positioning the wand just above Meredith's belly button. Meredith giggled, knowing that's where the baby was settled, and she looked to Derek, who nodded.

"Of course we do," she grinned, sitting up a little bit as she looked at the computer screen. The baby was showing off, and the baby was very clearly a she. Three. Three daughters and one son. Derek groaned dramatically and Meredith kissed him on the forehead.

"I think Shepherd family genes are repeating themselves," she smirked, bringing him in for a real kiss, scrunching up her nose and laughing at his reaction.

"Three chatty Shepherd girls and one chatty Shepherd boy. Mom's going to laugh," he grinned, as Addison wiped the gel off Meredith's stomach and took some notes in her chart, laughing with the couple.

"Der, your mom is going to have a field day, she has so many granddaughters she doesn't know what to do with them," she smirked, before leaning over and hugging Meredith.

"Congratulations on the daughter, guys, you know I'll be here for every appointment and the eventual delivery. As your doctor and since this is your third baby, I highly suggest a c-section considering your history, a VBAC would not be a good idea," she chided, knowing Meredith had visions of a normal birth dancing through her head. Meredith gave a deep sigh and frowned.

"I know…I had hoped for a VBAC but considering I almost died of DIC the first time and a placental abruption the second time I figured no one in their right mind would let me," she said, pulling her underwear and scrub pants back on sneakily under the sheet. She wanted a normal birth, she dreamed of it, but she knew she would never have one. Addison just shook her head.

"We can discuss your options of letting you labor naturally and see what happens, or we can schedule a c-section at a later date." Meredith climbed off the table and the two women conversed while Derek answered a page.

"I get it, you want to do what your body is set up for and you feel robbed of it. Trust me, I may not have carried my son but I feel the same way and it's only natural to feel that way. Just weigh your options, I'll be here for your 20 week scan and we can talk more about it." Meredith nodded and looked at the photos in her hand, of her daughter showing off. She snapped a photo of one and group texted her sisters and Carolyn with 'It's a girl! Baby Girl Shepherd debuts on or around July 15th' and sent it, knowing her phone would be blowing up soon.

Addison was grabbing her things and getting ready to leave, and after reading a particularly excited text from Maggie, who was somewhere in the hospital, Meredith looked up and smiled.

"Hey, do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Amelia will be there, she lives with us when she's not with Owen, and you can meet Owen and Maggie," she smiled, noting that Derek had stepped out, probably to respond to his page. Addison grinned and nodded.

"Sure, do you mind if Jake and Henry come along?" Meredith beamed. Henry and Bailey got along so well, and Addison could see the house they had built together.

"Sure, let me just write down….oh wait. We live on Derek's land, there's just a house there, so if you can remember how to get there after all these years," she laughed, running a hand through her short blonde hair with a teasing smirk. Addison rolled her eyes a bit.

"How could I forget? I lived in a trailer for a year. A trailer!"

"The trailer is still there…Owen lives in it," she giggled as the two of them left OB and headed back to the surgical floor. Addison shook her head.

"Oh my god it's still there? Seriously? I wonder if any of my things got left behind." Meredith shrugged.

"For awhile Zola played there, then Owen moved in when Cristina left, and now somehow Amelia tolerates it except when he's drinking, that's when she comes back to her room at our house. And Maggie lives with us too when she's not with the intern she's sleeping with. I tease her for it, and then she teases me for being the intern who slept with her boss," she said with a little wince, not sure how well that would go over even after all these years. Addison burst out laughing.

"You two are totally sisters," she teased, pulling on her coat and giving Meredith a hug.

"She's the best. See you at six?" she asked, and Addison nodded, saying goodbye to the people she knew on the way out.

* * *

By 5:30, the kids were starving and Meredith was feeding them carrots as she peeled them. Maggie was busy making a roast chicken, and Derek was typing up reports on the computer. By 6, Addison, Jake, and Henry were at the door and Meredith was welcoming them inside the large house. Addison looked impressed as Henry found Bailey and the two boys started playing.

"I must say, the house is gorgeous," Addison smiled, as Meredith poured her and Jake glasses of wine. Just because she couldn't drink didn't mean everyone else had to suffer. Meredith smiled back and looked around.

"It took me awhile to warm up to the idea of the house, then it took us awhile to build it. We moved in shortly after we adopted Zola. We knew we wanted to have a house with a lot of bedrooms, for kids and for the family and our friends. Alex owns my mothers house now, he and his girlfriend live there with some of the attendings and residents, but this is where we live, and Amelia and Maggie." Maggie had come out of the kitchen to introduce herself as Meredith's sister, and the resemblance to Richard was uncanny. A few minutes later, Amelia and Owen swept into the house, and Amelia and Addison had a loud reunion which ended in Amelia crouching on the floor playing with the boys and Zola. Meredith had to smile.

"If I had to pick someone who's my favorite to babysit it would be Amelia. She's perfect with kids, I can't wait until she and Owen have them," she remarked, shrugging her shoulders a bit. Amelia had told her about what happened in LA, with her own baby, and she hoped against hope that she would be willing to have another baby, especially with Owen. She liked Owen a lot, and she liked him with Amelia. Addison looked surprised for a second, before realizing Meredith knew. Meredith always knew, she reasoned, as Meredith tugged the button-up she was wearing (which was absolutely Derek's) over her stomach. Ellie was sitting on the floor playing with toys, and Zola was up in her room doing homework – mostly reading a book for her reading program.

"Come on, sit down, I'm sorry there's toys everywhere," she apologized, sinking into the couch. Addison had to laugh. Meredith was a surgeon with three kids, a husband, and two sisters and an almost brother in law that ran in and out of her house all day.

"Please don't apologize, we have toys everywhere, and our house is a mess, it's on the beach, you've been there. Sand everywhere. I find It in our bed and it makes me so mad," she laughed, sipping on her red wine. Derek joined the three of them, sliding in behind Meredith with a smile.

"Oh was she apologizing for the messy house? It was so much worse when we still lived at the frat house," he teased her, and she giggled, letting his lips find hers. For an instant, Addison was brought back to when she and Derek were a couple and Meredith was just the young girl who had no idea what was going on, but it was over as soon as it entered her mind. Meredith was perfect for him, she knew, as she looked around the house at the personal touches they made, and the children that blended together their features.

"Dinner is ready!" Maggie called from the dining room, and Meredith bent over and grabbed Ellis, while Jake and Derek grabbed their respective boys. Amelia stood up and they all took seats around the table. Meredith was grateful Addison could be there with them and the rest of her family.

* * *

After a dinner of sitting around, the adults got up, with Ameila insisting on bathing all four kids. Meredith and Addison didn't protest, they just took their seats on the couch again.

"Addie, we miss you here," she insisted with a small pout.

"You should move back here." Addison looked down for a moment before looking up again.

"Richard did offer me a contract earlier today and I've been mulling over it. I miss you guys, all of you. I saw Karev, heard he's an amazing PED's surgeon. I got to meet Arizona Robbins as well, I feel like we could do amazing things together," she smiled, her eyes sparkling.

"Give me a few days here and I'll think on it, okay? I think if I decided right now Amelia would pee her pants," she laughed, and Meredith had to laugh with her. Oh, how things had changed in the past ten years. Never in her life would she have thought that Addison would be a close friend, but here they were, laughing on her couch, hoping that her husband's ex would move back to Seattle.

* * *

 **Ahhhh I finally got the time to sit down and write a long chapter! And Addison is back! Hopefully for good ;) I hope you guys like this one! And yes they're having another girl!**


	35. Still Doll

Meredith woke up one morning before the sun was up. She usually did, but this time was different. There was a sound coming from upstairs and she sat up, alarmed. It wasn't one of the kids though – Zola wasn't singing, Bailey wasn't yelling, and Ellie wasn't crying to be fed. It was a happy sound. Rolling over, she coughing loudly on purpose before smacking Derek in the back.

"Derek! What the fuck is that sound?" she said and he rolled over, rubbing his eyes and looking at his phone. didn't usually wake until at least 6. Derek groaned and flicked on the light while Meredith rubbed her baby bumped. The shrieking, squealing sound continued and there was a sound on the wooden steps and suddenly the bedroom door was flung open and Amy was climbing onto the bed and settling herself between Derek and Meredith, kicking Derek out of the bed. He took a pillow and an extra blanket and yawning, made his way to the couch.

"So Mer, what do you think of Owen?" she said, leaning into the pile of pillows. For her credit, Meredith laid back down and clutched her pillows.

"Amelia I love you but it's 4:45 AM, can we talk about this later?" she said, wrinkling her nose. Amelia turned her head and sighed, before dangling out her left hand, where a sparkling engagement ring sat front and center on her ring finger. Meredith scrambled into a sitting position again.

"Oh my god what!" she shrieked, which had Derek running back into the bedroom, bleary eyed.

"Are you two okay!?" he shouted, and Meredith giggled.

"Yes, Amy has something important to tell you," she smiled, as Amy held out her left hand for Derek to see. A smile spread across his face as he inspected the ring.

"Not bad. Now I have to go have a man to man chat with Owen," he said, puffing out his chest as he headed upstairs. The two girls giggled as Derek left the room, and Meredith turned back to Amelia, who was bouncing around on the bed.

"It's almost 8 in NYC, think it's too early to call mom and the sisters?" she asked, as Meredith snuggled back into her pillow and blankets. She was awake, she just wanted to be warm and comfortable.

"Call her, she'll want to know," she grinned, as Amelia dialed Carolyn. She picked up on the first ring and Amelia put her phone on speaker.

"Amelia? Isn't it around 5 there?" she asked, and Amelia just smiled at Meredith.

"It is, Ma, but I wanted to tell you something," she said, nerves getting the better of her as Meredith poked her.

"Amelia if you're going to tell me you're on a drug binge again…." And Amelia flinched.

"No, mom, no," she swallowed, tears forming in her eyes but she took a deep breath.

"Owen asked me to marry him and I said yes," she said, Meredith soothingly running her fingers through her hair, something she did with her children to calm them down. She could feel Amelia calming down under her touch and she smiled. She could hear Carolyn sighing in relief and smiling at the same time.

"Oh Amelia…I've been waiting for this for awhile," she said, and Amelia let tears fall down her cheeks.

"I'm so happy for you two! I'll have to come out and visit soon. Are you going to tell your sisters?" she asked her, and both women made a face at each other.

"Not right away, mom, but soon. We want to enjoy it without the vultures. Meredith and Derek know, Meredith is right here."

"Hi Mom," Meredith chimed in, before shoving a pillow over her head. Amelia and Carolyn chatted for a bit longer before Meredith fell back asleep.

* * *

It was the talk of the hospital that day, Owen and Amelia getting engaged. It was everywhere Meredith turned and she couldn't help smiling for two of her favorite people. Somehow it had gotten out that Meredith had basically been there, everyone was running after her for details and she was rolling her eyes. At nearly 20 weeks pregnant she was finding it harder and harder to dash around and avoid people unfortunately, but she did it well.

Addison was in the process of moving back to Seattle, and Meredith was spending her days helping her and Jake, bringing over Bailey and Ellis so the three kids could play together. Ellis was almost a year old by now; it was January and she had been born in February. She couldn't believe her tiny little miracle was walking and babbling everything she could. All her kids were growing up, but soon enough there'd be another baby in her arms. Never in her life had she imagined that she'd be a mother of four, let alone any children at all, but she loved it, peeking in on them as she helped Addison put things away in their place in the kitchen.

"Did you ever think we'd be at this place?" she asked her, biting her lip, folding kitchen towels into a drawer, her eyes never leaving Ellis, Henry, and Bailey. Addison smiled and shook her head.

"Not really. I thought Derek and I would be together forever but we weren't working at all. Then I dated a lot in LA but I never thought I'd be married. Then I never expected to be a mother. We're trying to adopt a little girl, we think Henry migh like a sister. He adores Ellie," she smiled warmly, touching Meredith's arm as her heart swelled with love and admiration for the woman who was once her enemy. Like she always said, time healed all wounds.

* * *

 **So basically, Meredith and Derek will eventually have 4 girls and a boy, mirroring Derek's family. Sorry to everyone complaining that they want them to have another boy but I decided when they were going to have 5 kids total it was going to be 4 girls a boy and I'm not going back on that, so. Get used to it because it's going to be fun ;) My show was amazing! I have lots of pics on my twitter merderinabar or you can add me on facebook at Emilia Ivins, just let me know who you are!**


	36. Say Hey

Sometime between January and Ellie's birthday on Feruary 9th, the baby started to walk, and Meredith and Derek's lives were never the same. When Derek was stuck at the hospital Meredith was stuck between chasing after the baby and baby-proofing the house.

"Zo, can you help mommy with your sister?" she called to the 7 year old, who was watching Alice in Wonderland for the 10th time in the other room. She sighed sassily and got off the couch, coming into the kitchen.

"Ellie, come watch Alice with me," she said, picking up her little sister and all but dragging her back to the couch. Meredith sighed and continued making dinner for the four of them; Derek would be home soon. She poured the pot of boiling spaghetti into the colander and drained the water, dividing it evenly onto four plates before hesitating, making room for a fifth plate. Despite being engaged, Amelia somehow always ended up at their house at the end of the night, something that Meredith had always been meaning to ask her about but she hadn't gotten the chance to because life had gotten in the way.

Soon enough the door opened and Derek walked in the door followed by Amelia. Meredith let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, but it was one she held every night until Derek came home. She remembered that night almost two years ago, when Derek didn't come home, when she almost lost everything. It was just something she did without realizing it.

"Hey guys, how was the hospital?" She asked, juggling plates, cups, sippy cups, and everything else, taking Ellie's pasta out of the microwave and letting it cool down a bit before putting the pasta pick-ups on her high chair tray. Derek kissed her on the cheek and she smiled warmly.

"Zola, Bailey, get in here, it's dinner time!" she called, feeling like her pregnant belly was getting in the way everywhere and she yawned, flopping into her seat and digging in.

"Hospital was good, Amelia's on-call tonight, did a few surgeries, routine," Derek said as he slid into his spot at the head of the table. Zola and Bailey sat across from Meredith, with Amelia sitting next to her, and Ellie's high chair at the corner between Meredith and Derek.

Meredith nodded; she was tired. At 24 weeks she just wanted to sleep all the time but she had to work, she had to keep up, but with three kids already she wanted to drop, frankly. Derek could see it in her eyes and he rubbed her hand.

"Hey, Amy and I will take the kids and you can sleep okay?" he smiled, and Meredith smiled back.

"Thank you," she whispered, kissing his knuckles.

* * *

Ellis's birthday came and Meredith couldn't help but be excited about her youngest turning one. She dressed her in the same dress Zola had worn and watched her toddle around the house as friends and family arrived. Ellie marveled in the delight of Nana Carolyn, who couldn't seem to put her youngest granddaughter down, while being excited about the fact that she was getting another granddaughter pretty soon.

Meredith rushed around the house, making sure everything was perfect, especially the cake. Ellie was obsessed with Winnie the Pooh and had made Derek order a cake with Winnie the Pooh characters, even though she knew Ellie wouldn't remember today at all. There were sisters, there were residents and attendings, and there were even interns running around, interns that Meredith was tempted to tell to return to the hospital but she held her tongue. Finally Nancy cornered her with a grin.

"Sit down, everything is going great," she said, holding Ellis in her arms. Meredith smiled at her daughter but Nancy pulled her away laughing.

"You sit, find someone to talk to," she giggled, and Meredith zeroed in on Addison, who was watching Henry and Bailey play with trucks in the corner of the room.

"Hi!" she said, flopping down on the couch. Her baby bump had by now surpassed her other two at 26 weeks and she basically hated everything. Addison eyed her, noting the fake smile and laughed.

"You really would rather be doing so many other things than hosting a one year olds birthday party right now wouldn't you?" she laughed, and Meredith couldn't help but grimace.

"Is it that obvious?" she laughed, sitting back with her hand on her belly. For a split second Addison was jealous, that Meredith got the happy ending with Derek, with three kids and one on the way, but she realized she was perfectly happy with her life. She had Jake and Henry, and they were in the process of adopting a baby girl. It was just weird how life had worked out.

"I'm just tired, this one is taking it's toll on me. It was hard with Ellie and Bailey had me all freaked out that I was going to lose him because my first pregnancy was a miscarriage because Derek got shot in front of me, and before that I was in fertile, so the fact that I've thus far had three healthy pregnancies is a near miracle," she said, hands resting on her bump as she watched her little blonde boy play with dark-haired Henry. Addison's eyes went wide.

"Wait, Derek what?" she exclaimed, turning more towards Meredith. Mer, to her credit, bit her lip. She had known there had been a shooting but Derek…

"Yeah…we've been through a lot here. Shootings and plane crashes and superstorms and car crashes. We lost a lot of people in the shooting. Lexie and Mark died in the plane crash. I almost died in the storm, I was in DIC, and well..the car crash…" she said, turning her head. Despite the fact that Derek survived, she hated to think about it; she hated to think about any other outcome. Despite everything, Derek had made it.

"I knew about Mark," Addison said quietly, with a small sigh.

"Amelia and I mourned together, I don't remember who called, if it was Derek or Carolyn or Webber but someone called to tell us he was gone and it was horrible," she said, her eyes getting wet before she brushed her hand across them and sighing, looking up. It was something Meredith couldn't think about; if she thought about Mark, she thought about Lexie. Nodding, she forced herself off the couch and reached for Addie.

"Come on, let's find adults," she smiled, nodding towards Amelia and Owen, who were together with Lizzie and Kate.

* * *

After chatting with some of the sisters for awhile, with Amelia gushing over her ring and her plans for the wedding, Meredith and Derek decided it was time for cake. She tracked down Ellis, who was being cuddled by Arizona, and brought her to her cake, which was on the dining room table with the rest of the food. Their guests gathered around and Meredith grinned, again warmed by the family that kept on growing as they sang happy birthday to Ellis, who was clapping her hands at everyone. Bailey, Zola, Sofia, and Henry blew out the candles on the cake, and Ellie snuggled her head into Meredith's chest, giggling her soft baby giggles.

Derek passed out cake to everyone while Meredith grabbed a piece, letting Ellie have her first taste of sugar. She liked it overall and ate most of her tiny piece of cake, getting most of it all over her face while everyone took photos of mother and daughter, the two of them looking so similar. For a moment, Meredith wished her mother were alive and well, here at the party to see the family she had created from scratch, and her eyes teared up for a second before the moment passed. Thatcher lurked in a corner and she offered up a smile to him, to the man who had lost a wife and daughter, and struggled to find a relationship with another daughter and three of his grandchildren. Today though, she didn't have the strength to try with him; she was just too damn tired from the party and carrying the baby and remembering people she loved.

Maybe someday, though.

* * *

 **Ahhhhh schools out! Just my two finals on Friday! Hope you like this one!**


	37. Hear Your Heart

The last few months of her pregnancy flew by, and then suddenly it was the night before her scheduled C-section. Meredith was amazed she had gotten to this point – no falling and rupturing organs, no superstorms, no bleeding out on the kitchen floor, no placental abruptions. She knew she should be sleeping but she was wide awake, despite Derek asleep next to her. In the morning she was going to have another baby. There would be a fourth Shepherd child. It weirded her out, especially considering the fact that all of her own children had come into the world in the worst ways but this one, this unnamed daughter of theirs, would be coming into the world calmly, without disaster, without anyone's near death.

Finally she fell asleep around 3 am, although they had to be up at 6 and at the hospital by 7:30 so she could be prepped for her c-section. Maggie was staying overnight, as was Amelia, to handle the kids and bring them when Meredith and the baby were stable and out of recovery. Carolyn was getting in around noon, and Nancy, Lizzie, and Kathleen were arriving tomorrow without their husbands to see their new niece.

Waking up was miserable, with Meredith throwing on leggings and and a sweater that still covered her stomach. Derek remembered to grab Meredith's bag and the baby bag on the way out the door as Meredith climbed into the front seat, Derek climbing in after her. He paused for a moment and reached for her hand, squeezing it tight.

"I know we've done this before but…we're about to have a baby," he smiled. Meredith turned to look at him and squeezed his hand back, giving him a smile.

"We're going to have a baby," she giggled, and with that he drove off to Grey-Sloan.

* * *

They managed to get to the hospital by 7:30 and up to maternity, where several nurses started to get Meredith checked in, going over endless questions with her. At the end of her rope, Meredith snapped.

"Not to be a bitch, but I work here, can't you just get my information from the computer?" she said as she changed into a gown, Derek helping her.

"Meredith," he said, chiding her, and she looked up at him with her nose curled up as he helped her into the bed.

"Well? It would save them a million and one questions," she sighed, getting under the covers. One of the nurses started an IV on her and she rolled her eyes, knowing she could do it so much better but she was trying not to have a chip on her shoulder so she smiled sweetly as she was hooked up to fluids and antibiotics. Soon enough Addison sailed into the room with a smile.

"How's my favorite mommy?" she asked her, looking exhausted. She and Jake had just adopted a 6 month old girl, Bella, and she was just as sleep deprived as the rest of the gang who had young kids.

"Mmm ready for this one to be born," she laughed, touching her stomach. She was still tiny and all baby, but to her she looked and felt huge.

"Well that's good because we're taking you in about ten minutes and probably in an hour you guys will have a beautiful baby girl," she smiled, and Meredith looked up at Derek, reaching for his hand. Derek gave her hand a squeeze and looked back at Addison.

"So tell us again: there's no crazy complications, she's not bleeding out, nothing crazy with the placenta.." Addison had to laugh as she cut him short.

"Everything is fine. We're going to get the epidural started in a few minutes and then bring her to the OR but everything looks fantastic, this is a textbook C-section and mom and baby are perfectly healthy." Meredith giggled and looked up at Derek.

"Did you hear that? We're perfectly healthy, Der." He leaned down and kissed her forehead, smoothing back her hair.

"Thank you, Addie, for everything you've done for us, this is the first time we've ever not been in a nightmare situation regarding a birth," he said, and Addison had to smile.

"You're welcome, really. It's what I'm here for, besides being a best friend. I've got to check on another patient but I'll see you soon okay?" she smiled, waving goodbye before leaving the room.

* * *

Half an hour later Meredith found herself on the operating table, hair pulled back in a cap, everyone around her getting prepared for her C-section. Derek sat by her head, gowned and in scrubs, gently smoothing loose hair back from her forehead. She knew everyone in the OR personally – she wasn't sure if that scared her or made her feel calmer, even as they gave her more medication through her epidural. She was numb from the stomach down, and Derek was telling her everything that was going on.

Addison entered the OR and peeked over at her, giving her a smile.

"Relax, Meredith, you're doing well. I'm about to open up your old scar and in a few minutes she'll be out." Meredith nodded in response; her heart was thudding in her chest. This was it, these were the last moments they had as a five person family before becoming a six person family.

"Okay Mer here she is," Addison said, and Meredith could hear a sharp little cry as her daughter was brought into the world. Her eyes misted over as the baby was placed on her chest and she smiled; she could see tiny, dark curls and dark blue eyes when she opened her eyelids. Meredith looked over at Derek with a smile as he looked down at their daughter and she reached for his hand, wanting to hold her right away but in the next second she was taken away to be weighed, cleaned up, measured, and other things.

"She's beautiful," Meredith smiled, closing her eyes. They had given her some morphine and she was exhausted just from the morning. The next time she opened her eyes she was back in her hospital room, Derek in a chair next to her cradling their newest daughter. Mer turned her head and looked at him, wincing in pain but wanting to see her. She was all cleaned up and wrapped in a clean blanket with a pink hat covering her hair and she smiled, exhaling slightly. Derek looked up and smiled at her, gently passing her the baby.

"I forgot how tiny they are," she said quietly, studying her daughters face. She was perfect, with milky white skin and tiny little hands that were curled into fists.

"What do you think of the name Leila?" she said softly, looking down at her again. Derek sat on the edge of the bed, easing his way towards her without wanting to hurt her.

"I like Leila. Leila Shepherd. What about a middle name?" he asked her. She had one in mind and bit her lip, looking up at him, her green eyes wide.

"Leila Amelia," she breathed, knowing Amelia would be honored beyond belief. She heard the sharp intake of breath and she knew he loved it. Amelia was his baby sister; he was her protector despite the fact that they were adults now.

"Well. She's going to love it, we have to get a bucket for her to catch her tears in when she comes later with the kids. But I think we have a Leila Amelia on our hands," he smiled, picking up tiny little Leila from Meredith and smoothing back a lock of hair that had fallen out of her tiny little hat.

"Miss Leila Amelia Shepherd," Meredith smiled. She was exhausted and it wasn't even noon yet, but suddenly she was a mother four times around and she found that she was ready for the world.

* * *

 **Sorry for the time jump but here's baby number 4! And it came timed with Jessica Capshaw's sweet baby #4! I thought paying tribute to Amelia with the baby's middle name would be sweet, as she's given so much to this Mer and Der, and next chapter will be her and Maggie and the three older kids meeting their new sister and niece! Anyway, hope you like it Read and review please! I love you guys!**


	38. Daddy Lessons

Meredith and Derek were somehow still asleep when there was a knock on the door to her hospital room. They'd had a long night with Leila, who overall was a good newborn, fussing only a few times and mainly only when she wanted food or needed a diaper change. Stirring in her hospital bed, Meredith slowly opened her eyes and groaned a bit – at least the knocking didn't wake up the baby or Derek.

"Come in," she said softly, and in a moment Amelia was slipping into the room. She had a slight moment of déjà vu because to when Ellis was born over a year ago but she smiled, raising the back of the bed so she could sit up and she smiled sleepily.

"Hey," she said to her sister, rubbing at her eyes, and Amelia smiled back at her, eager to see her new niece.

"Hey, you look better than last time," she smirked, and Meredith had to contain a laugh. Last time she'd had a baby she had lost half her blood volume and almost bled out on her kitchen floor.

"Hey that's not fair," Meredith laughed with a roll of her eyes.

"It went perfect, Addison is proud. Textbook c-section for once," she smiled, before reaching over to the bassinet and picking up the baby.

"You should probably sit down. Not because you're going to drop her but just. Sit down," she said with a smile, cradling her sleeping newborn and looking down at her with a smile. Amelia quirked an eyebrow but dragged a chair over and sat down on the other side of the bed. Meredith gently passed her to Amelia, who smiled down at the newborn. Mer knew Amelia longed for a baby, especially after what she went through with her own son so many years ago.

"Her name is Leila," Mer said quietly, before looking over at her.

"Leila Amelia Shepherd," she said, looking towards Amelia whose eyes were rapidly filling with tears as she drank in her sweet baby smell, the way she opened and closed her eyes, her tiny fists that broke free of her swaddled blanket.

"You named her after me?" she said tearfully, taking off her cap and examining the dark curls that covered her head, the trademark Shepherd curls, and she pulled her closer, kissing her soft forehead. Meredith smiled and touched her shoulder.

"Of course I did. She's a fighter. She's a Shepherd. She looks just like you. And even though you're a pain in the ass, I love you dearly, and Derek loved it right away," she smiled, Amelia crying openly now as she gazed down at Leila.

"We want you to be her godmother too, she said softly. Maggie was Ellis's godmother, and she felt it was time that Amelia have more responsibility with the kids.

"Really?" she said, sounding surprised. She of no care in the world, of no responsibility, running around screwing everything up, nicknamed Hurricane Amelia, was suddenly responsible for a little girl should anything happen to Meredith and Derek.

"Really. You and Owen. We talked about it and we want it to be you two," she smiled, Amelia looking up at her, still teary-eyed.

"Oh Mer, you have no idea how much this means to me," she said, looking down at her niece's sweet face. She was all Shepherd, with dark curls and blue eyes, seemingly sleeping forever.

"I do," said Derek, waking up on the other side of the bed, smoothing down Meredith's hair and kissing her forehead.

"Good morning, beautiful. And good morning, Amy," he said, walking over to the other side of the bed and hugging his sister, gazing down at his daughter.

"Hello Miss Leila," he grinned, stealing her from Amelia and snuggling her into his arms. She looked even tinier in his arms; she was only 6 pounds 4 ounces, 18 inches long, and Derek managed to make her look smaller.

"Careful!" Meredith chided, but she laughed just the same.

"Oh Mer, you say that with all of them, I'm not going to break her," he grinned, settling back down in his chair for from daddy-daughter time, and Meredith leaned back in the bed, suddenly exhausted again.

"I can go if you guys want, I was just stopping in on my way to work," Amelia said with a smile. Meredith could tell she was just emotional that they named Leila after her, essentially, and Meredith grabbed her hand, reaching up to hug her.

"You're going to be the best aunt to her, you're the best aunt to all your nieces and nephews," she grinned. Amelia smiled back before leaving the room, on her way to the lounge to change for surgery.

* * *

Meredith woke up a few hours later to another knock at the door but this time Derek answered it; she couldn't help but smile as the three older kids rushed in the room with Maggie, who looked frazzled.

"Oh my god, Mer, I don't know how you two do it! Three kids and they all want to do something different and then I have to worry about screwing them up all the time and it's just crazy!" she said, collapsing into a chair as Zola and Bailey climbed onto the bed, and Derek put Ellis on the bed, who crawled up next to Mer.

"Mama!" she cried out, and Meredith kissed her blonde curls.

"Hey baby girl," she smiled, as Derek settled Leila in her arms.

"You all have to be really really careful but look, this is your new baby sister," she smiled. Zola, at 7, was a seasoned pro with new baby siblings and she smiled at Leila, touching her hand.

"Mama she looks just like daddy," she declared, and Meredith had to laugh; it was true. Leila was all Derek, from her black curls to her blue eyes, right down to her facial features. Oh well, Bailey and Ellis looked exactly like she did, it was bound to happen.

"Mommy, is she coming home to live with us? I have enough sisters, yuck!" Bailey said, hardly glancing at her, and Derek picked him up with a laugh.

"Yes she is coming to live with us, sorry Bails. But being the only boy is fun! I'm the only boy with lots of sisters, and you have Henry to play with all the time," he smiled, ruffling his son's hair.

"Baby," Ellis said proudly, hovering over Leila. She knew what a baby was from being around Addison's new daughter and Meredith smiled, giving her a kiss.

"Yes Ellie, baby. She's going to come home with us in a few days and then in a year you'll have a sister you can play with," she smiled. Ellie kissed Leila on the forehead which Meredith thought was adorable and Mer sat back in the bed, looking to Maggie.

"Mags, do you want to hold her?" she asked, and Maggie looked up from her phone with a smile.

"Of course I do," she said, and Meredith gently passed her the baby before Zola and Ellie snuggled up to her. They both chose a side and Meredith cuddled up to them, rubbing their backs gently, loving that she could just be a mom in this moment without any other strings attached. Derek had Bailey and he was gently talking to him about being a big brother to his little sisters, she was snuggling her older girls, and one of her sisters was snuggling the newest member of the family. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths, hardly daring to believe that this perfection was her life.

* * *

So I love where this story is going and wanted to update again! I look back and can't believe I was blocked all those times!

I just wanted to say I'm debating taking down anon reviews because of a quite nasty one I received last night. I am well aware that as a writer, I put myself out there by publishing my things, but it's not okay to bully me behind a computer screen because you think you can get away with it. I DON'T want to have to do this but if things continue in the vaguely threatening way they have been, I might have to for a little bit (and I don't want to because most of my reviews come from people who don't have accounts). People make mistakes and get mad. I am only human. My favorite quote is "don't judge someone for the chapter you walked in on" and I'm going to extend that towards an Authors Note I wrote when I was being called out for writing something wrong when I wasn't wrong.

If you have any further questions you can PM me.


	39. White Wedding

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE!

* * *

Coming home with Leila was insanity. Maggie and Amelia had the kids at home while Derek brought home Meredith and Leila, who was a screamer. She screamed the whole way home despite the fact that Meredith did everything in her power to soothe her. She gave her a pacifier, she tried to feet her, she swaddled her in a tight blanket. Nothing helped the baby, and of course she fell asleep by the time they made it back to the house. Amelia and Maggie spilled out of the house with the kids and Derek had to shush them.

"Apparently we have a second coming of Hurricane Amelia because she screamed at the top of her lungs all the way home and just fell asleep, so we have to be very quiet," he said, as Meredith got out of her car, her c-section scar still hurting. Derek grabbed Leila in her car seat and brought her inside the house, setting her down on top of the island counter. Zola climbed onto one of the chairs there to take a peek, and Maggie grabbed her and pulled her away.

"Mommy and daddy want her to sleep, Zo, you can hold her later," Maggie promised, as Derek brought the car seat into the bedroom and slipped the sleeping baby into the bassinet, thankful she was sleeping for right now. He remembered much too well when his parents had brought newborn Amelia home – there had been constant wailing for 6 months.

"Yeah, we definitely have an Amelia on our hands," he teased his sister, who rolled her eyes at him but laughed.

"Well it's fitting she has my name," she smirked, pulling a notebook from her bag. Meredith and Maggie were busy in the kitchen making lunch for everyone, despite Maggie telling her to sit down since she just had a baby. Finally she sat in a chair, peeling carrots for the kids while Maggie made mac and cheese just the way the kids loved it.

"What's that?" Mer said, nodding to the notebook. Amelia smiled, jotting something down.

"I figured it was time to plan the wedding. Mom is insisting it's in a church so I figured we'd use the same church you and Derek got married in, but I want everything else simple. Small ballroom. I want a small wedding, I want a simple gown, I want my bridesmaids in long black dresses with pain black heels, and my pretty little flower girls in simple dresses," she smiled, catching Zola at the waist.

"What do you think? Will you be aunt Amy's flower girl with Ellie and maybe some of Aunt Lizzie's girls? Aunt Kate and Aunt Nancy's girls are too old to be flower girls," she giggled, and Zola giggled with her.

"Do I get a pretty dress and flowers? Cause if so then yes!" she squealed, and Amelia threw her arms around her. Meredith just smiled over at her shaking her head.

"You've been engaged three times now, I'm just happy you're going to go through with it," she smiled with a shrug. Owen had bought the two of them a house which was only a five minutes walk down the road from her and Derek's, but Amelia spent most of her free time with her brother and sisters, which Meredith loved. It was fun being around her all the time, even in the hospital when they were supposed to be professionals.

"I can go dress hunting with you if Owen and Derek babysit the kids, and obviously Maggie and Addison will come along. How many bridesmaids are you having? I know you want it small but you have a million sisters," Meredith pointed out as she handed Zola and Bailey carrots. Amelia sighed.

"Well, I want Mer as my maid of honor. And Addie. I can have two. I'd like to point out that they were the only people who were there for me at my worst. Addie helped me back when I was 18 and both of you helped me recently. Plus, Addie helped me in LA." Maggie didn't even look offended because it was true; she didn't have much to contribute to keeping Amelia together, she mostly had been having sex with DeLuca and avoiding her father.

"The rest of my sisters can do whatever they want. Nancy and Kate say they're too old to be bridesmaids. I'll use Lizzie. There. I have four. The groomsmen will be Derek, Karev, Ben, and Webber. Derek will be best man as will Webber as we've all known him for years, it's that simple, Owen will go with it." Meredith had to stifle a laugh; she had agonized over all the details despite not wanting the formal wedding in the first place and in the end she had amazed herself that she had never wanted it because her wedding had been a fairytale, right down to baby Zola walking down the aisle, bribed by one of her aunts. She laughed at Amelia's lax wedding planning.

"It's going to be nice. You'll have a pretty gown and the rest of us will too," she smiled. She knew she wasn't supposed to be doing much too soon after the c-section, but you know, caring for a newborn wasn't considered too much.

"Just call up a bridal store and make an appointment," she hummed, peeling potatoes for dinner to sit in a pot for mashed potatoes later.

* * *

A week later, Meredith found herself at a bridal shop with Amelia, Maggie, Addison, and somehow Lizzie, who had made her way out to Seattle again. Amelia had found her dream dress in no time at all; it was silk with a chiffon overlay with cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline in an ivory color and she loved it. It fell to the floor gracefully in a small train and Meredith smiled, happily that Amelia was finally getting her happy ending.

The bridesmaids gowns were much harder than that. They went through dozens before Amelia picked a simple one: black chiffon, sleeveless with a sash that tied in a bow in the front. Meredith loved it and it would go well with the church and ballroom Amelia and Carolyn had hunted down. The four bridesmaids stood in front of the mirror in different black dresses, but it was the one Meredith was wearing that had been picked.

Once everything was ordered, they picked out the flower girl dresses. They ended up beaing the same ivory color of Amelia's gown, with black sashes made of the same organza and silk that tied in big bows in the back. Four year old Bailey and Henry got little black suits that Mere and Addison fawned over; secretly both women wished their youngest daughters could be in their wedding but Jake would watch both little girls, especially since Bella was around 9 months and easier to handle than a newborn.

Amelia whisked her bridesmaids out of the shop and out to lunch, where Meredith had a much-needed mimosa and girl talk.

"Are you excited, Mia?" she asked her sister in law, and Amelia gave her a warm smile.

"You know, I actually am. I don't want to run and hide, I'm ready to be an adult and face this head on. I love him and it's been three years, you know? I'm tired of playing games, and he's changed his ways, he doesn't really drink anymore and he's dealing with his PTSD. I find it somewhat romantic that two broken souls found each other," she said, blushing lightly as she stabbed at her salad. Meredith raised an eyebrow at her but smiled; she had come so far since she had moved to Seattle, from the girl running from her fiancé and a baby that had died.

* * *

It was finally the week of the wedding, and the Shepherds had descended upon Seattle. Meredith had put her foot down and Carolyn and Lizzie were the only one allowed to stay in their house, seeing as how they were a part of the wedding. Nancy and Kathleen stayed in a hotel but they didn't mind; they were at the the house all the time anyway. Meredith was going crazy with everyone there but Amelia didn't mind, she loved having her mom and sisters there for her, finally.

Everything was crazy as they got ready for the rehearsal dinner; Meredith and Derek had four kids to get dressed, but thankfully Maggie helped them and they were out the door in no time. Getting three kids to cooperate down the aisle was a different story, and Meredith had to end up carrying Ellie, who giggled the whole time, but all in all it went well. Dinner went over as well as it could, with a million different people yelling over everyone else, but eventually everyone who was supposed to got back to Meredith and Derek's house, and Meredith kicked Derek out.

"Go! Have fun with the boys before Owen gets married tomorrow, I promise Amelia is in good hands," she giggled as she shoved him out the door with a kiss and a smile. After putting the kids to bed the adults, excluding Carolyn, settling in downstairs on the couches and chairs.

"So Amelia, are you excited?" Mer asked her, and Amelia looked up, half smiling.

"I am..I'm nervous. I mean this is my third engagement and I haven't gone down the aisle yet. Am I doomed?" she asked, and Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

"My first wedding was on a post it," she snorted into her glass of wine, and everyone looked at her. "What? It was! Everyone was dying and we wanted to get married but we didn't have time, you know the freaking story!" she rolled her eyes, pouring more wine into her glass and shrugging her shoulders.

"We got married eventually for Zola. And then for you people which I call my family," she said, sitting back and sighing. Eventually they settled into a cozy banter and Meredith drifted off to sleep.

* * *

In the morning, Meredith somehow ended up in her bed (Amelia, she thought), tired and having to get four kids ready, plus herself. She was maid of honor. She flew out of bed and ran to the kitchen for coffee, pouring herself a cup before taking it back to her bathroom. She finagled an ornate bun with her hair, pulling on leggings and a loose sweater that could easily go over her head when it was time to get dressed at the church. Amelia was still asleep in her bed and she nudged her with her foot, and then shook her with her arm.

"Amelia, get up, it's your wedding day!" she said, and Amelia rolled over slowly, before realizing it, looking to the windows. It was raining, as usual.

"Shit, I'm getting married today," she said, her eyes wide. She climbed out of bed and opened the bedroom door.

"Guys, I'M GETTING MARRIED TODAY," she yelled to the whole house, and Lizzie with her hangover rolled her eyes. Addison just smirked from her position at the kitchen table.

"Yes baby sister, we know. You're the last but not least of us," she smirked as she walked past Meredith and Derek's bedroom. Amelia rolled her eyes but headed back in the bedroom.

"Okay okay, what do I need. You're doing my hair, the gown is in your closet with my shoes. I need food. Right? I need food. And coffee. My nails are done, flowers are at the church…" she anxiously ticked things off on her hands as Meredith started on her makeup, calm and collected, before turning towards her.

"Get in the bathroom and I'll do your hair," she said, forcing her to sit down on the toilet as she abandoned her makeup in order for hair. She had no idea when she had become the hair expert, but here she was putting her hair in curlers.

"Makeup we can do at the church, just get your things and put them by the door for the car, Mom and Lizzie and Maggie are helping the kids get ready," she said, finishing her own makeup and gathering her own things before dashing upstairs to help with the four kids. Addison had two kids to wrestle with and Nancy and Kathleen were already helping her.

* * *

It didn't take **too** long for everyone to get ready, and soon they were on their way to the church. Once they were they, the bridesmaids shoved Amelia into the bridal room while they all got ready. Meredith had Lizzie help her into her mock-halter dress and she slipped into her heels, helping Zola and Ellie with their pretty dresses and Bailey with his little suit. Leila was with Nancy, hopefully asleep. Once Meredith was in her gown she helped Amelia into hers and did her makeup, before leaving the room for a moment to find Derek.

"Hi!" she grinned as she met him in the vestibule. He smiled and looked her up and down in her black gown, hair up, looking like she'd never been pregnant with three kids in her entire life.

"You look gorgeous," he smiled, pulling her in for a kiss. She giggled and pulled away after a second.

"So not why I'm here and you know it. How's Owen, is he ready?" she asked him.

"Yeah, he's ready. How's Amelia, can I see her?" Meredith slyly shook her head.

"No men, you've been through this before, stupid," she laughed, blowing him a kiss before going back to the bridal room, where everything was going wrong. Amelia was freaking out and Maggie was trying to calm her.

"Amelia, what's wrong?" she asked her, looking at her sister and biting her lip. Lizzie was sitting on the couch looking at her nails as if she knew this was coming, and Mer wanted to shake her.

"I don't know if I can do this," she said, and Meredith sighed. Amelia wouldn't be Amelia if she didn't need a push and a shove down the aisle.

"Come on," she said grabbing her jacket and Amelia's hand. Amelia grabbed her own jacket and Maggie, who looked on the fence, followed along with her sisters. They dashed through the rain on their way to the car, getting completely soaked, and Mer climbed into the driver's seat, with Amelia next to her and Maggie in the back.

"So…where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. I just can't be in there," Amelia stressed, gulping at the air and trying not to have a panic attack.

"Did we just run from a wedding?" Maggie asked, and Mer and Amelia turned at her and glared.

"Maggie I love you but shut up," Meredith said, looking towards Amelia again,

"Where do you want to go?" Amelia was dripping water everywhere but she shook her head.

"I don't care. Away from here. I just need to think right now," she said, and Meredith drove until the rain became too heavy for her to see through, and she pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store where they sat for a few minutes before Amelia unbuckled her seatbelt.

"I'm going in," she said, and in solidarity Meredith followed, with Maggie coming up behind her. For whatever reason, the three sisters ended up getting slushies, and after paying for them they stood around talking, Amelia in her wedding gown and Maggie and Meredith in their bridesmaids gowns, knowing they were a spectacle. After a few minutes of quiet, Meredith turned to Amelia.

"Amelia. You, right now, are me, before Derek. Before babies, and dream houses, and post it notes, and promises of forever. You're freaking out. But you don't need to freak out, because Owen loves you. And you love Owen. And I'm making sure you get down that aisle today," she smiled. Amelia looked doubtful but Meredith shook her head.

"Honestly, it's that simple. Come on, we're going back to the church and cleaning you up. None of us have phones, I'm sure everyone is freaking out," she said, dragging her back into the car. The trip back to the church was silent and once they were there, the three stumbled back inside and Meredith pushed Amelia into the bridal room. Derek heard the commotion and peeked out of the men's room, watching his soaking wet wife with his soaking wet sister, raising an eyebrow. She looked at him with a small smile.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who freaks out at the thought of weddings and babies and forever," she said softly, looking down at her wedding ring and engagement ring, their own promises of forever, before disappearing inside the bridal room. Carolyn was there, along with Kathleen and Nancy, who chided Amelia before Meredith silenced them with a glare. She picked over her hair, redoing it slightly differently, and touched up her makeup, before declaring her perfect and wedding-ready. The Shepherd women sighed in relief, and Meredith turned around to lecture them.

"Look. None of you except Mom liked me when you met me, and I tried my very best to ignore that. Nancy downright hated me because I wasn't Addison," she said, glancing at Addison who made a small face.

"None of you were invited to the wedding because we did it at city hall, so we made it up to you, because I love Derek and I let you into my life, even though I'm not the wedding sort of girl. But I did the gown, and the church, and the big reception, and I do the holiday thing, and let you hover over me, because we're family. And guess what? Amelia is your freaking sister, and I have been there for her so much more than any one of you have over how many freakin' years has it been now? Too many to count. So get into that chapel, and line up at the back, and support your freaking sister, because I love her and you love her," she said, stunning even Nancy into submission, who ran from the room and back into the chapel. Straightening up and heading for the door, Carolyn caught her arm with a smile.

"I've always loved you, sometimes a lot more than some of my girls," and Meredith smirked, throwing her arms around her in a hug, before grabbing Amelia's hand.

"Amy, come on. You're getting married today."

* * *

It was only a few minutes later, but lined up in order at the back were Addison, Maggie, Lizzie, Meredith, and Amelia with the little kids in front of Addison. The music started and the girls went in order, Meredith holding Amelia's hand until the last moment, where she squeezed her hand tightly.

"I love you," she whispered to her favorite sister, before walking down the aisle, looking back only once to smile at Derek, who was giving his sister away. Once at the front, the wedding march started and Amelia smiled nervously, looking down at her bouquet of flowers. One white rose for her father, and one white rose for her baby. Looking up she smiled, squeezing Derek's hand tightly, unable to focus on anyone but Owen, and suddenly what had seemed like a large gap was closed as she handed off her flowers to Meredith.

The ceremony was a blur; she barely remembered any of it, but suddenly the priest was declaring them man and wife, there was a ring on her finger, and she was kissing Owen. She could hear Meredith cheering in one ear, Derek yelling in the other, but she didn't care. In one moment she had ceased to be Miss Amelia Shepherd, and had become Mrs. Amelia Hunt. Yes, she could definitely deal with that for the rest of her life.

* * *

 **So I wanted to post this before the episode and then I was like…nah….I'm gonna wait and see if Amelia actually gets down that aisle! And I'm so excited and proud that she did!**


	40. One and Only

At least two months after her wedding and three months after the birth of Leila, Mereith and Amelia were working side by side on the same case, when suddenly Amelia looked like she was going to be sick.

"I'll, uh. I'll be right back," she said, rushing from the MRI room, and Meredith just smirked in her wake. When she came back she was slightly sweaty and pale.

"So, how far along are you?" Meredith asked, and Amelia sent her a glare as she sat down, waiting for their patients scans to come back.

"Just because you're the baby whisperer doesn't mean I'm pregnant," she scowled, pressing her lips together before throwing up in the trashcan under the desk.

"Okay fine. I'm seven weeks. I think. I counted back, I took the test, I made an appointment with OB. I haven't told Owen yet, though. I'm not sure how. Do I go for the cliché pregnancy test? I can't use the 'I'm not drinking' way. Do I do something cutesy? I'm Amelia, I don't do cutesy. Can I make him dinner with candles and just throw it all up in front of him?" she asked, and Meredith burst out into laughter.

"With Bailey, I got Zola a shirt that said 'World's Best Big Sister'. With Ellis, he heard me throwing up in the bathroom when he was coming out of a coma. With Leila, I thought I had the stomach flu until it dawned on me that my period was late so I took a test and we waited. It kind of got less romantic with each kid. I suspect with the fifth it'll tell us itself," she said with a roll of her eye, before she realized what she said.

"Don't. Don't say it. Don't even think it, and don't mention it to Derek, because he'll get ideas in his head and in a year or two he'll start pestering me, and I'm nearing 40 and already have four of them," she said with a small pout, turning to Amelia.

"I'm tired, I want to sleep without four kids piling into my bed," she whined, getting a punch in her arm.

"Hey! That hurt!" she complained, punching her back.

"Hey! You can't hit a pregnant woman!" Amelia shot back, the two of them giggling at each other.

"Make him a romantic dinner tonight. Do you get off early? Make him something romantic. I can help you, I know he gets off like two hours later, I'll help and make it romantic and just…tell him. I promise you he'll be excited," she said with a soft smile, sitting back and looking at the images on the screen.

"He's been wanting this for awhile, Amelia, he's going to be so happy," she said, before she turned and leaned forward to hug her.

"Besides, the kids will be excited to have a cousin younger than them," she grinned.

"Now shoo! You shouldn't be in here," she laughed, before Amelia left to check on another patient.

* * *

That night Amelia stood in the kitchen dressed in comfy clothes, not wanting to get dressed yet. She had gotten off at 4, Mer was off at 4:30, and Owen was off at 6. She had decided to make a small chicken with a few sides for the both of them, and she was getting ready to prepare everything when Meredith rushed in the door from the rain. She had stopped at home first to make sure Maggie and Derek had everything under control before driving the few minutes down the road to Amelia and Owen's, making up some excuse that Amelia needed her help with something.

"Thank God you're here, I know how to cook but this has to be perfect," she said, enveloping Mer in a hug. Mer hugged her bag with a smile.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Can you start with the potatoes? I want them roasted with rosemary and garlic" she said, and Meredith did as she was told, preparing the potatoes and sliding them into the oven to roast before getting started on the vegetable Amelia wanted while she worked on the chicken. She slide those into the oven next before making chocolate mousse, still impressed after all these years by her ability to read a recipe and have it turn out. Once everything was done the two women stood back and admired what they had done, before looking at the time.

"Mer, go! Derek has dinner ready for you," Amelia smiled.

"I have to go change for when Owen gets back," she grinned, hugging Meredith who grabbed her coat as she left to drive home. She loved that Amelia and Owen lived so close to them, they were their closest neighbors. Once Meredith was gone, Amelia rushed to their bedroom to change into a soft black dress that hid the tiny baby bump that was already there and a pair of heels, hearing the front door open as she brushed out her short, dark brown hair.

"Amelia?" Owen called, and she stepped out of the bedroom with a smile. He grinned back as she walked towards him, gesturing towards the dining room.

"I made dinner for us…well Meredith helped because we're both hopeless so I hope it's good," she laughed a little, sitting down at the table and gesturing for him to sit down. They started eating and after a few minutes he smiled at her, taking her hand.

"I have to admit, this is delicious. What's the occasion?" he asked her, and she took a moment, her hand moving inconspicuously to her stomach before she looked up at him.

"I'm pregnant," she said with a smile, watching as his face lit up. It was like the sun bursting into flame right there in their dining room, as he practically knocked over a chair to get at Amelia, lifting her from her chair and spinning her around.

"Are you sure!?" he said with a smile, his hand touching her stomach. He could feel that it wasn't flat like it usually was, instead it was slightly round and protruding and she smiled, locking him in a kiss.

"I'm sure. I took a test and I made the appointment, it's Friday. I wanted to tell you so you could come and we could see our baby together," she smiled. She knew just how badly he wanted a child and she was glad she was finally giving him that child.

"So I assume Meredith knows, but does anyone else?" he asked her, and she giggled, shaking her head.

"Nope, but Mer said we're welcome to come to the house," she smiled, and in a moment he had pulled her to the front hall and he was handing her her coat.

"Come on, he's my best friend and brother in law, he should know," he grinned, and Amelia shrugged into her coat.

A few minutes later they were at the huge dream house, striding through the door. The Shepherds were eating dinner; it was chaos with four kids but luckily Maggie still lived with them and helped them with all the kids. Meredith looked up expectantly and the look on Owens face told her everything. She kicked Derek under the table and then smiled sweetly, nodding to Owen and Amelia.

"Hi, what's going on?" he asked, looking between the newlyweds.

"We have something to tell you," Amelia said happily, taking a seat at the table and grabbing a plate, always feeling at home there.

"Oh?" He smirked, watching as she grabbed some of Mer's lasagna with a laugh.

"We do," Owen said, grabbing a beer out of the fridge and sitting down next to Bailey, who reached over and hugged his favorite uncle.

"How would you like another cousin to play with, Bails?" Amelia asked the four year old, and it took Derek a second to make the connection.

"Amy!" he yelled, before getting up and running at his baby sister, who stood up and hugged him tightly, the two rocking back and forth for a moment. He reached out and shook Owen's hand, before hugging him as well.

"Congratulations! Oh god, mom is going to be excited, more grandkids for her, she has like 20 now, when are you due?" Amelia laughed at how excited he was, but she was his baby sister and he had been waiting awhile.

"We don't know yet, it's what, August? I'm like 7 weeks. Probably April or maybe March," she smiled, snuggling up to Owen.

"We don't want to bother you guys, just wanted to tell you since you're family and we love you. But we'll see you at work tomorrow," Amelia said, the smile never leaving her face as they headed back to their own house and wedded/baby bliss

* * *

 **I wanted to write pregnant Amelia and Owen so so badly! And now I can! I hope she gets pregnant on the show but who knows what Shonda's doing anymore haha. Hope you liked this!**

 **And yes I did stay up late to write their wedding :P haha.**

 **PS. Chapter 40 on this one!**


	41. Chocolate

Amelia had her first ultrasound with Addison that Friday, and she was nervous as all hell. Meredith and Derek passed her at the nurses station while they were bringing the kids into the daycare. Zola was indignant and felt like she was too old for daycare.

"Mommy I'm seven, I'm too old for this," she pouted, and Meredith sighed, smoothing down Zola's hair.

"I know Zola sweetie, next summer you'll do ballet camp, but until then can you be a big girl and go in there and play with Sofia? Aunt Arizona and Aunt Callie and I all promise to put you both in ballet camp next summer," she said, looking stressed out of her mind as she carried Leila's car seat and Derek carried Ellie, leading Bailey along the hallway. Amelia watched her brothers family with slight amusement, touching her stomach before remembering her OB appointment. She paged Owen to OB before heading upstairs and checking in. Owen joined her and soon enough they were being led back to a room and she was being told what to do.

Addison walked in with a smile and Amelia's chart, and Amelia smiled nervously.

"Addie I need you to tell me good news, I need good news, I need a healthy baby," she said, looking towards Owen. She had told him about the baby she had lost, about her baby with no brain, and Amelia badly needed a healthy baby and a health pregnancy. Addison sat down on her stool and smiled, opening up Amelia's chart as they chatted.

"Well this time there are no drugs, there's no alcohol, there's nothing that would cause defects. You're young, you're healthy, there's absolutely no reason why something would be wrong. Now lay back and relax," she smiled, first doing a pelvic exam and then doing a vaginal ultrasound first.

"Look, Amelia, right there is your baby…." She said, making a few mesurements and smiling.

"Everything looks fine, no defects, there's the brain, there's the hands and feet. You're due April 8th. I'm going to do a regular ultrasound and you'll be able to hear the heartbeat," she said, smiling at the two of them. Owen was clutching onto Amelia's hand and Amelia was gazing at the screen at their tiny little peanut. The sterile sheet was pushed down and Amelia's scrub top was pushed up, exposing her insanely small baby bump, but after all she was built just like Meredith and both women were so small. In a little more than a moment there was a pulsating sound in the room and Amelia teared up, both over the baby on the screen and her son who had died, grabbing Owen's hand.

"There's our baby," she said with a smile, leaning over and giving him a tender kiss. In turn, he kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her.

"You have no idea how happy you've made me, Mia," he told her, snuggling up to her and smiling. Addison had left the room to give them time to celebrate; she was truly happy for the girl she called her little sister – she had been there with her first pregnancy and it had been horrible. Now she was able to be there for her second pregnancy, a healthy pregnancy, and she was excited to experience all of it.

* * *

Meredith was on the floor, stuck charting while Derek was in surgery. More like, he stole her surgery so she was charting at the nurses station and plotting her revenge on him. She could withhold sex…but that was kind of a given at this point what with four kids in the house. She could claim her incison hurt – it still did at random times despite the fact that she'd slimmed down right away and was back to her usual tiny self. She had been all baby anyway. Something popped up on the ipad next to her and she tapped on a few things before going back to her chart, before noticing Amelia was hovering nearby.

"Amelia, what are you doing?" she asked, tossing aside her chart, where she had painstakingly been using her neatest handwriting. Amelia jumped, then headed over to her with a smile as Meredith stood up.

"I just had my first appointment with Addie," she smiled, discreetly pulling the photos from her pocket and handing them to Meredith, who flicked through them with a smile before handing them back, not wanting the rumor mill to start, even though it would soon enough. Amelia was tiny and this was her second pregnancy, people were bound to notice.

"I'm assuming it went well?" she smiled, grabbing her lab coat and pulling it on, checking her pocket for her scrub cap and cell phone. Amelia shrugged her shoulders.

"I cried, Owen cried, I think Addie walked away to cry because she's happy for me that things are finally falling into place in my life," she smiled, her eyes tearing up again. Meredith reached out and held her tightly, allowing Amelia to rest her head on Mer's shoulder.

"I'm going to have a niece or nephew," she smiled widely, before shaking her head.

"I have a lot of nieces and nephews. I mean a niece or nephew that's younger than my kids," she smirked, tapping a pen to her head. Leila was two months old and she still had baby brain and was way too excited about Amelia being pregnant.

"Derek should be out of surgery soon," she smiled, touching Amelia's shoulder.

"You know he's going to be insanely excited about the ultrasound photos," Mer smiled, checking her pager as it went off. Oncoming trauma in the ambulance bay, possible head trauma.

"Go! Find Derek and show him," she giggled.

* * *

Later at night the entire family had dinner; Derek, Meredith, Maggie, Amelia, and Owen with all the kids busy around Mer and Der's table, Maggie rushing around making dinner as Derek talking to Amelia about the baby.

"Did you call mom yet? I think you should call mom." He said with a smile.

"I don't want to tell her until 12 weeks, what if something happens?" she said, her voice panicky.

"She'll be able to tell by the sound of your voice, she's learned to do that with Meredith. By the time Leila came along she just knew. She's mom, she has four daughters, she just knows. It's really scary," he laughed, as Meredith came over. Leila was hungry and she had breast milk in a bottle; she was using bottles and breast feeding but didn't feel feeding tonight. Settling herself in a comfortable chair she smiled. She had no idea how in seven years she had become this person – the one with four kids and the big house who celebrated holidays with the rest of her huge family and took vacations with them and generally let a loud bunch of 30+ people into her quiet little life with her four perfect children. Derek had somehow molded her and changed her to like his sisters and their husbands and children, and big family things.

"Then I'm never answering the phone for another month," Amelia smirked, chewing on a piece of ginger candy to try and get rid of her horrible morning sickness. Meredith gently burped Leila with a laugh, rolling her eyes.

"Ah yes, a month without talking to Mom, I'd love to know what that's like," she giggled, watching the three older kids playing in another part of the room. She still didn't know when this had happened, her becoming domestic and a mommy, and letting herself be that person who loved her family, but she did and she was.

* * *

 **So happy news for Amelia and Owen! Nothing bad will happen during this pregnancy, they're going to have a happy and normal baby. Tell me what you think they should have in the reviews!**


	42. Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall

At 12 weeks, Amelia had a definite bump and Meredith eyed it wherever she went. It wasn't that she was jealous; she had been pregnant almost two years straight. She was more protective of Amelia and her baby, wanting so badly for something in her life to go right. So far, it was. She was glowing and happy, pleased to be at work, and always happy to be around Meredith, Derek, and Addison most of all. Meredith felt snubbed but she knew her relationship with Addison ran deeper than the one she had with herself – Addison had known her since she was barely 18, new to college when Addison had first started dating Derek, but it still made her sulk.

She was excited for her new niece or nephew and hoped the time would pass; she had been around during the last two children of Lizzie's but Lizzie lived back east so she hadn't seen them for awhile. One of them was Zola's age, and the next one was two years older. Lizzie was her favorite besides Amelia.

* * *

One day around 14 weeks, Amelia ended up at her house when they were both off. Leila was a little over three months and napping; Zola was at school with Bailey at preschool and two year old Ellie had joined him this year. Meredith had wondered when her house got so quiet and she had time to do things such as laundry and cleaning when Amelia burst through the door.

"Mom won't stop calling and I have to keep ignoring her calls and I need you to hold my hand while I call her," she said breathlessly. Meredith stood there looking at her; at almost 39 Meredith had been through a lot and at 42 she knew Amelia had been too, but Meredith could face Mom. Amelia couldn't. Then again, it wasn't as if Meredith had ever been able to face her own mother, let alone think about what Ellis would have ever thought about her being a mother to four kids – she would have yelled about her having four kids more than she would have been proud of her for being at the top of her field in two specialties and head of general surgery. She knew her mother was proud of her, but that was before the kids.

"Come here Amelia," she said, sitting on the couch and patting the spot beside her. Amelia shuffled her feet and fell into the seat beside her, clutching her iphone in her hands and sighing.

"She's going to freak out, and I know it's going to be in a good way, but I can't help but think it's going to jinx me and the baby and Owen and I'm just freaked out."

Meredith just looked at her and shook her head.

"For awhile I thought Derek and I were jinxed. First Addison showed up, then a bomb exploded, then I drowned, then we broke up, then we finally got together, and a million things happened, and then he tried to die on me and I wouldn't let him," she said, getting teary eyed. A million hormones were still running through her body, especially with breast feeding.

"Sorry. It's been like three years and I still get emotional over it," she said, as Amelia reached over and hugged her.

"I do too…I don't know how to live in world where Derek isn't in it," she confessed, and Meredith bit back more tears.

"I don't either," she said quietly, looking around the room. There were so many signs of Derek, from his fishing boots by the door, to photos of them together, with the kids, with all of the Shepherds at the beach last summer when Meredith was barely pregnant and holding Ellie between her legs, having just learned how to walk a few months before.

"Come on, we have happy things in our lives. I have four chatty kids and you're having your first, and you have to tell mom," she said, picking up Amelia's phone and handing it to her. Amelia sighed, but she dialed her mother anyway.

"Mom, hi," she said as Carolyn picked up the phone and she smiled, slipping her hand into Meredith's.

"No, nothings wrong, I'm sorry I haven't called lately. It's been crazy here since the wedding and honeymoon...yes Derek and Meredith are okay, the kids are okay. That's…um. That's actually why I'm calling you," she said, pausing and biting her lip, looking at Meredith, who gave her hand a squeeze.

"I'm pregnant mom. And the baby is okay. We just had our twelve week ultrasound…ten fingers, ten toes. A brain. Addie said everything is okay," Amelia said, unable to stop the smile spreading across her face as she looked at Meredith. She put her phone on speaker so Meredith could hear Carolyn on the other end – she was freaking out.

"Mom. Mooooooom. MOM!" Amelia laughed, looking over at Mer again who shrugged – she had done the same thing with all three pregnancies, and with Zola.

"I guess you can visit…no not I guess, of course you can, you're my mother," she said with a roll of her eyes, and by the end of the visit Carolyn was coming to stay for a few days with Amelia and Owen.

* * *

Meredith and Amelia were both given a week off to spend time with Carolyn – they were told Derek could hold down the fort.

"I'm not her daughter, Derek's her son, why did I get shoved off work? Am I being mommy-tracked?" Meredith bitched as she and Amelia got dressed in her room. Pulling on a sweater and leggings she looked at herself in the mirror before finding her favorite brown boots that matched, braiding her hair. Leila was in the bassinet and Meredith scooped her up, dressing her in a comfy onesie and brushing her dark hair.

"Three kids and you look like daddy," she smirked, pressing a kiss to her daughters nose, watching Amelia getting dressed, trying out maternity clothes for the first time.

"If you want a tip, try leggings first with maternity tops. I was comfortable in them most of my pregnancies almost until the end," she offered, before finishing up Leila with a diaper change, getting her ready to go. She loved her kids but she loved them being in school and out in the world learning things even more. Finally Amelia came out of the bedroom in a Mer-approved maternity outfit and she smiled.

"Come on, your mom is going to be excited out of her mind," she grinned, grabbing her coat and heading out to the car, Amelia following her.

* * *

At the airport, the two women, technically Mrs. Hunt and Mrs. Shepherd, stood just outside the security clearance area waiting for Carolyn. Meredith held Leila in her arms, snuggled up in her soft pink blanket, searching through the crowd for the Shepherd matriarch. Finally after 20 minutes they found her pushing through the crowd, searching for her daughter and daughter in law.

"Look, Lei, that's your nana," she smiled, taking her arm and having her wave at Carolyn as she first hugged Amelia, marveling over her 14 week bump, and then taking her youngest granddaughter from Meredith, who smiled and rested her hands on the stroller.

"You ladies look great, and my granddaughter looks happy and healthy, let's go bother Derek at the hospital," she smiled, leading them back out to the car.

* * *

 **Okay so I needed a filler chapter that was fluffy (let's face it everything is fluffy, I need some drama up in here) but Mama Shepherd is checking up on her kiddies and Amelia is happy and pregnant and Mer is kind of jealous even though she just had a baby hmmm….**


	43. A Thousand Years

Amelia hit 20 week and she felt like she could relax. In fact, all of them felt like they could relax. All in one day, Amelia found out she was having a girl and Ellis decided to become potty trained, so they threw a mini party for both. Ellis was almost three now with Leila at five months, and Meredith was feeling pleased with life and happy for Amelia.

By now Amelia was showing and had begrudgingly gone up a size in her scrub top.

"Amelia, I went up both times in my tops, it's really not a big deal," she promised her, patting her on the shoulder as she dropped Leila off at daycare that morning with a smile before following Amelia up to the attendings lounge to change into scrubs. Meredith was tired and kept yawning until Derek turned up with coffee for himself and Meredith, and decaf for Amelia.

"It's not going to kill me if I have caffeine," Amy grumbled as the three of them grabbed their lab coats and headed to find their interns for rounds that morning. Frankly Meredith wasn't ready; all the caffeine in the world couldn't keep her awake these days. She had no idea what was wrong with her except she was tired, all the freaking time. Flopping onto the couch in the attending's lounge, she curled up and fell asleep for a few hours. She knew if anyone came looking for her they'd look here first.

* * *

She managed a nap for a few hours before Amelia found her, poking at her with her foot. Bleary-eyed she woke up, squinting in the light.

"Derek was seriously going to put the entire hospital on lockdown just to find you," she teased as Meredith sat up. As she did, her stomach lurched dangerously and she felt like she was going to be sick. Damned hospital food.

"He's overprotective, it's nice that he worries," she defended yawning loudly. Plus she knew for a fact that Owen was just as over protective ove Amelia, especially now that she was pregnant. Amelia shrugged her shoulders and sat down.

"Everything hurts. My back, my boobs, my feet, I have no idea how you've done this three times, Mer," she said, and Meredith shrugged.

"Because once you're holding them in your arms it's completely worth it. Your entire world revolves around that baby, you become a mom, and it's absolutely wonderful," she said dreamily with a smile at her sister, who had a her hands on her bump.

"She's kicking, I think," Amelia said nervously, as Meredith reached over and felt the strong movement.

"Ah yes, definitely a kick. Definietly a Shepherd baby," she smirked, shaking her head a bit. All three of hers had been strong kickers, Leila most of all. Suddenly both of their pagers went off and they groand – 911 to the pit. Car crash, probably a lot of head trauma.

"Come on, we'll go together," she said as the two women rushed off to the ER.

* * *

Amelia and Meredith worked tirelessly on patients, while Derek worked on one in the OR, but the girls ended up losing their patients. Meredith mentioned that she was going to go outside for a moment and she stood under the overhang, hugging her arms around her in the cold December air as the rain poured down around her. She hated losing patients; they stuck with her for so long and lingered in her soul. After a few minutes Amelia joined her, stomach sticking out of her scrubs, their breath lingering in the freezing air.

"It's those patients that stick with you, the ones you lose. The ones you save don't, unless they're one in a million. But the ones you lose, they make you sick, like you weren't good enough to be able to save them," Mer said, sinking down onto the one bench that was dry. Amelia took a deep breath and sighed.

"We're superheros Mer, but we can't save everyone. Not even the best superheroes can save everyone," she said before she went back inside the hospital, lurking for more cases or to find Derek. Eventually Meredith went back inside, exhausting and now sick to her stomach as she hit up the cafeteria for another cup of coffee, her second for the day.

Later on, Derek met her in the attending's lounge, finding her worse for her as he frowning at her appearance as they changed into their street clothes, Meredith pulling her sweater over her head.

"Mer, what's wrong?" he asked her and she yawned loudly, shoving her feet into her boots. She turned to him, her hair still in it's French braid and she yawned again.

"I have no idea. I just want to sleep forever and now I'm crazy nauseous, I just want to climb into our bed and never get out of it," she confessed, sitting down on the couch as she got some of her papers together and shoved them into her messenger bag. He frowned, before leaving the room for a supply closet and coming back with three wrapped sticks – pregnancy tests. She paled considerably and looked up at him.

"We have a five month old," she said, eyes wide and scared. Ellie was almost three, Leila was only five months old. Being pregnant now would be a massive inconvenice for her, her career, and their family.

"Lizzie and I are only 18 months apart," he told her, and tears sprung to her eyes.

"They'd only be 16 months," she said as the did the math, and he shrugged.

"Mer, no one is going to judge you if you are. Just take the test," he said, and she bit her lip as she headed for the attendings bathroom. This could not be happening. After she relaxed herself enough in order to pee, she peed on the first stick and set it aside, taking a few breaths as she waited for it to come out.

Positive. The damn test was positive. That explained the exhaustion and her slight nausea but how the hell was she doing to have four kids under the age of five, and only one that was almost 8? She felt tears forming in her eyes as she emerged from the bathroom and embraced Derek.

"What's the verdict?" he asked as he handed him the test; he looked down and sighed.

"Mer I know you're scared but we can do this, we can get through this together and we'll have another baby at the end."

"You're getting a vasectomy," she told him with a little smirk, kissing his lips as she slipped the positive test into her bag.

"I'll call Addie tomorrow," she sighed, slipping into her coat as she grabbed his hand, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Halfway there to the ten kids you want," she teased him, as they walked through the rain to their car.

* * *

 **So she's pregnant again and I'm sorry but it's going to be a girl, so Derek will live his life surrounded by girls ;) Or maybe it'll be twins, I can't decide, but I really want them to stop at five. Either way it's a girl!**


	44. Love On The Brain

Meredith hid her pregnancy in the first few weeks the best she could, especially because she didn't want to overshadow Amelia. At this point in her life, having her fifth baby, it was just another thing that she was doing – she didn't feel like anyone would be excited or anything, especially since she'd just had Leila. Amelia was the star, she was having her first – no, technically her second but most people didn't know about the first – baby and Meredith wanted everyone to be happy for her. So even at 7 weeks with her tiny 4th pregnancy bump, she hid behind larger scrubs and loose shirts, shot daggers whenever she caught Derek staring at her belly, and went out of her way to find abandoned bathrooms to spill the contents of her stomach in.

One particularly bad morning, Derek snuck into the ladies room with her as she leaned against the cool metal of the stall, Derek rubbing her back and offering her Gatorade.

"You need to stop looking at me, everyone knows what that look means by now," she said softly, feeling too weak to care. She knew Addison would prescribe her Diclegis and Zofran if she asked her for it but she was trying to tough it out.

"I'm just looking at my beautiful wife who's pregnant," he said, flashing her a smile as they squeezed into the bathroom stall together. She sighed and laid her head on the floor.

"The focus is on Amelia, this is Amelia's happy pregnant time, I've been pregnant five times now and Leila is only 5 months," she said, before leaning over the toilet again, coughing hard. She was dizzy and her head hurt; her throat burned from the acid building up every day and if she wasn't head of her department she'd go home. Derek sighed, reaching for the wet washcloth and toweling off her face.

"Mer, let me take you home, seriously. Or up to Addison to get you medication…"

"No," she said stubbornly, retching again. Goddammit, why did this baby hate her so much? She couldn't be more than 7 or 8 weeks and she was miserable.

After another hour in the bathroom, and two missing neurosurgeons, Meredith finally agreed to let Derek take her up to OB.

"You'll thank me for this later, Mer," he said as he scooped up his sick wife and snuck along empty corridors with her until they were on OB. Addison was at the nurses station and spotted them coming down the hall; she had the decency to pull them into an exam room and help Derek lay her on the table. Meredith tried to sit up and Addison shook her head.

"No, Meredith, lay down," she said, passing her a basin to throw up in should she have to. As Derek related to Addie what was going on, Meredith curled up on her side and closed her eyes, clutching the basin to her as if her life depended on it, and right now it did.

"Meredith, open your eyes," Addie said, and she opened them to slits, pressing her lips together.

"Here, I'm starting an IV and giving you fluids and Zofran, and we're going to do an exam and an ultrasound. Derek, goddammit, how did you get her pregnant already?" she said, smacking his arm hard.

"Hey! It's not my fault that the Shepherds are very fertile." Addison rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm very aware how many nieces and nephews I have. How could you get her pregnant! She has a hostile uterus, she's tiny, she just had a baby five months ago, she needs to rest! Oh god, she got pregnant because she's breastfeeding didn't she," Addison moaned, sitting down

on her stool and preparing everything for the exam and ultrasound before smacking Derek again.

"You're an irresponsible idiot Derek! She needs to rest, you two have an infant, a three year old, a five year old, and a seven year old! You have a house full of kids, and your sister is pregnant, and Mer is breastfeeding and she's the head of general and a freaking neurosurgeon!" She paused to hit him again, Meredith watching with amusement.

"You're so stupid. So so so stupid," she said, before turning to Meredith.

"Hey Mer, do you think you could take off everything from the waist down and get under the sheet for me please?" she said sweetly, Derek sinking into a chair next to the exam table. Meredith managed to take off her underwear and scrub pants, kicking her shoes off and sighing, moving to the edge of the table as Addison did the exam, sticking the probe inside. Pausing, Adddison looked at the screen before looking at Meredith, glaring at Derek again.

"I swear to god I'm going to kill you, Derek," she said, eyes flashing before she looked at Meredith.

"What?" Mer said, sitting up slightly, which was a bad idea because the room started spinning again and she put her head back down. Addison sighed and turned the screen towards the two of them.

"There's two sacs, two embryos, two heartbeats. Congratulations guys, you're having twins," she said, less than enthused. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for the two of them; she just felt bad that Meredith now had to go through another pregnancy and it was twins at that. Meredith moved to look at the screen, her heart thudding. Twins. Two babies. It had been awhile since she'd been on OB but there were very clearly two babies on that screen. She felt like she was going to pass out.

"Alright, I'm just going to go a regular ultrasound because I'm hoping you guys want to hear the heartbeats," Addison said, pulling out the vaginal one and squirting gel on Meredith's tiny bump. Things made more sense now – why she was showing, why her morning sickness was terrible, why she wanted to kill Derek, why her breasts hurt so much. Propping herself up on her elbows she kept her eyes on the screen, where they had a better view of the babies, and suddenly the heartbeats sounded around the room, one over the other, one quicker than the other. Meredith, who was still in a state of shock, found herself tearing up, rubbing at her eyes, Derek slipping an arm around her.

"Mer, we're having two babies," he said as he held her, Addie letting herself out of the room to give them time together. Meredith clutched at his scrub top as she cried, watching the tiny little fetuses move around on screen, competing with each other for space, their heartbeats almost in sync, but not quite, one sound faster and louder than the other. In the next minute Addie came back in and Meredith looked over at her with a smile.

"Why is one heartbeat stronger and faster?" she asked, the basin on her lap, having put her underwear and scrub pants on again. Addison took a seat and smiled, writing her two prescriptions, one for Diclegis and one for Zofran and she printed out some photos for the pair.

"Because one baby is behind the other. Don't worry, Mer, both are healthy and safe." Meredith nodded a bit and tried to sit up, getting sick in the process.

"I'm going to suggest that you go home and rest, and let Derek take care of you. And stay home if you keep vomiting, and tell Bailey if you have to," Addison said seriously. She ran her fingers through her hair, knowing the woman probably wouldn't listen regardless but she had to tell her anyway.

"Take it easy. Light foods if you can keep anything down. Soup. Ice chips. Anything. If you lose weight don't freak out, I know you know the speech. But seriously, go home right now," she said, handing them the prescriptions. Derek took Meredith back in his arms before giving Addison a smile.

"Thank you Addie," he grinned, looking down at the photos in his pocket.

* * *

Derek took Meredith back to the attending's lounge, where he helped her back into her clothes, before texting Maggie to pick up Ellie and Leila from daycare later. He filled the prescriptions at the hospital pharmacy, daring the pharmacist to comment on the medications he was filling for Meredith. They exited the hospital and he helped her into their car, making sure she was comfortable and had something for her morning sickness before they left, arriving at home where he carried her to the bath, pouring in her lavender bubble bath and making her comfortable.

"Want me to stay with you?" he asked her, and for a moment she hesitated Everything was still sinking in – twins. Twins. Two babies. Thank god their house had a million bedrooms and was huge, but still. This was a lot to take in.

"Stay," she said softly, and she let him get undressed and climb in with her, she let him wash her hair and body gently, and afterwards she let him wrap her in a fluffy towel, drying her hair and tucking her into bed.

* * *

After a dose of both medications and a three hour nap, Meredith woke up to the house smelling of freshly made chicken soup and warm bread. She followed the scent to the kitchen where Derek sat at the table, but he quickly jumped up with a smile.

"Hey you, you look like you feel better," he said. She smiled and ran her fingers through her tangled blonde hair.

"I do, sort of. I'm still in shock I think. Babies. With an s. Amelia is going to have a shit and your mom is going to go crazy with three kids coming all at once," she managed to laugh. She was slowly accepting it as a hand moved to her stomach. For the first time in three weeks she was hungry.

"Do you want soup? I made it," he shrugged, and she nodded, tugging at her shorts and sitting at the kitchen table, sipping at some water. He ladled her up a bowl and pushed it in front of her and she ate it slowly, letting the warmth spread through her and get rid of the ache the morning sickness had left behind. Once she was finished she did the dishes and joined Derek in the living room, laying her head on his lap.

"Remember when you said you wanted ten kids with me?" she smirked, looking up at him dreamily. He laughed, leaning over and kissing her forehead.

"Yes, I remember all of my very dramatic speeches to you."

"Yeah, the twins are our last kids," she giggled, snuggling up to him under his old blanket, one of his arms wrapped around her as tight as he could.

* * *

 **I'm SO SO SO sorry it took me forever and a day to update! I was in the hospital again last night, but before that I had a con and one of my friends from Boston (Actually she's from FREAKING EVERETT aka where Ellen is from!) came to stay with me and we toured my city (I live outside Philadelphia) and I just got very sick from one of my illnesses and ended up in the ER. I'm at home now, though and about to sleep! Can't wait to read your reviews when I wake up, I hope you like this chapter and ugh you all convinced me she should have twins!**


	45. Little Bird

By 12 weeks, Meredith was showing profoundly; there was no more hiding behind oversized scrubs. She had popped overnight, and instead of going to work that morning she invited Amelia over for breakfast with her and the kids while Derek went to work, wishing her luck. When Amelia let herself into the house, Meredith looked up from the pancakes she was making with a smile.

"Good morning," she said, as Zola ran downstairs fully dressed.

"Auntie Amy!" she squealed as Amelia smiled, wrapping her arms around Zola. Zola pressed her hands to her baby bump and Amelia smiled wider.

"I'm growing your new baby cousin in there, I just haven't named her yet," she smiled and Zola grinned.

"I get a another girl cousin? Daddy's going to be mad, he says he has too many nieces." Meredith laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Amelia come here, I want to tell you a secret," she said, as Amelia walked into the kitchen. Meredith wore a pair of leggings and one of Derek's dress shirts, feeling comfortable and at ease.

"So." She said, before lifting the shirt, revealing her smooth bump to Amelia. She looked up at her and her eyes were shining, touching her own bump.

"Mer! How far along are you!?" she asked her, and Meredith laughed.

"I'm only 14 weeks, you're the first person I've told besides Derek. But. Even bigger surprise…we're having twins," she smiled, her own eyes shining. In the past few weeks she had come to terms with having twins, and she was getting excited about it. Amelia let out a shriek and rushed forward to hug her.

"So we're pregnant together, and our kids are going to grow up together? Oh my god Mer, I'm so excited! We're having cousins the same age!" she said as she clapped her hands together. Meredith laughed and shook her head.

"What happened to Amelia and who's this person in her place?" she teased, hugging her sister tightly.

"I was worried you'd think I was upstaging you. I mean this is your big pregnancy, I've been pregnant three times before, no one cares about this one," she smiled as Amelia shook her head.

"You're just as important Mer, and everyone will always care. Plus, you're having twins! That's exciting!" she smiled, leaning against the counter as Meredith put pancakes on five plates, passing them out to the kids and handing Amelia one, who sat down at the table. Meredith tore up pieces for Ellis and let her have fun with them as she sat down next to her chair.

"I just didn't want to take away from you," she repeated with a smile. Amelia was positively glowing and she looked great at 24 weeks; Meredith knew she was able to relax more knowing that her daughter was viable should anything happen.

"Mer, you wouldn't I swear, I'm excited we're pregnant together," she smiled, and Meredith smiled back at her from her seat at the table. She knew this was going to be fun now that Amelia knew. Since she was 12 weeks she supposed it was public knowledge if anyone asked, but she still hated the stares, the vacant eyes looking at her, knowing that she and Derek were having another baby. Babies. They were not knowing she was pregnant with twins.

* * *

Work a few weeks later was excruciatingly long, Meredith noticed, as she looked at the clock and noticed it was only 11. No traumas, no scheduled surgeries, just rounding on her post-ops and trying to hide her bump behind the next size up in scrub tops. She sat in her chair at the nurses station, lazily playing a game on her ipad, waiting for something to happen. She was bored to tears, almost wishing for some horrible tragedy to come through her pager as she spun around and around in her chair.

"Are you truly that bored, Meredith?" Derek said, approaching the nurses station. Meredith stopped spinning and blushed deeply, grabbing at the edge of the desk to make herself stop spinning.

"Uh, maybe? Nothings happening today. I did my own charting, I already rounded on my pre-ops for tomorrow and my post-ops from yesterday and now I'm bored," she said, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. He couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Mer, I'll give you a surgery if you're that bored," he teased her, and she rolled her eyes as her pager went off. Finally!

"Looks like I have a trauma!" she sang out as she headed towards the stairs, Derek at her heels.

"No running, especially not on stairs! Don't be stupid about that again," he said, and Meredith fell back as he grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"I just want to make sure all three of you are safe," he told her as they hit the PIT, grabbing trauma gowns and gloves. Meredith sighed; she knew he had a point but it was always hard to NOT run at work, especially when she wasn't heavily pregnant. Amelia on the other hand, could no longer see her swollen feet, or could run. Owen was almost to the point of banning incoming traumas to her pager, which made Meredith laugh.

Standing in the ambulance bay, Meredith blew on her cold hands, trying to warm herself up. It was freezing outside and she looked at the sky, wishing for snow that almost never happened in Seattle. Finally the ambulance pulled up and Owen and April got the patient onto a stretched as Meredith followed them into a trauma room. She quickly did a neuro assessment and wrinkled her nose.

"Head is clear, pupils are reacting," she said, falling into the background before leaving the room. Literally the most boring day ever, until she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket as she pulled off her trauma gown. She pulled out the phone and looked at it – it was a notification that she had an OB appointment with Addison today. She smiled to herself – they were finding out the genders of the twins today. Texting Derek, she told him to meet her at Addie's office as she headed there with a smile, touching her bump lightly. She took a seat in the waiting room, looking up when Derek walked in and smiled.

"Are you ready for this? What will you do if it's two girls?" she laughed, and Derek rolled his eyes.

"I managed well enough with four sisters, I'll manage enough with five daughters," he teased her and she laughed as Addie popped out of an exam room and brought them back into the room. Meredith slipped out of her scrub pants and underwear, sliding under the sheet with a smile as Addie quickly checked her with a smile.

"So far everything looks good…is your morning sickness gone? Any cravings? Movement?" Meredith looked at Derek with a smile.

"I can feel them moving a little bit, some flutterings. Definitely two of them, I feel them at the same time in different places, it's wonderful," she smiled, laying back on the exam table as Addison adjusted the sheet to expose her ever-expanding bump and squirted gel on it. Placing the ultrasound wand, she moved it around, two heartbeats filling the room after a few seconds. Meredith lit up and squeezed Derek's hand as they stared at the screen and Addison smiled.

"Well, both babies are developing nicely and are on par for how far along you are, and they've both behaving If you'd like to know to gender?" She laughed as she looked at the eager faces of Meredith and Derek.

"Um, yes please?" Meredith said, her eyes wide. Addison laughed with a smile.

"Well, baby A is presenting as a sweet little girl," she said, as Derek groaned. Meredith smacked him and laughed.

"Ignored him, he thinks he's going to live his life surrounded by women," she laughed, poking him in the cheek.

"Well he can get excited because Baby B is a boy!" she cheered, and Derek picked his head up.

"Really? You aren't making it up? I'm actually having another son?" he asked, incredulous. Meredith rolled her eyes and stared at her babies on the screen, her eyes filling with tears. A boy and a girl, one of each.

"Your sperm were lucky this time," Meredith teased, as he plastered kisses all over her face. Addie had once again slipped out, leaving them with the ultrasound on the screen, their babies curled up next to each other in the womb. Meredith couldn't stop smiling; six kids were a lot, it made her feel crazy almost, but she knew how lucky they were.

Luck. Years earlier she never would have called herself lucky but here she was, almost 39, considering herself a lucky person, the way the cards she had been dealt lately were playing out for her.

* * *

 **The stupid site is acting up and I have to copy and paste each chapter :O but at least reviews are working! Next chapter I'm going to reveal the names, I think, or would you rather I keep them under wraps until the twins are born? Again, I apologize I'm being so slow with updating! I've been really sick with my gastroparesis and this week is my final week nannying so I've been doing a lot more with my girl, and Friday I'm babysitting my niece at her dress rehearsal for dance and Sunday is her recital and her brothers' birthday party! Then I'm FREE TO WRITE ALL SUMMER LONG!**


	46. Love in the Dark

At 20 weeks, Amelia was 34, and Bailey forced her to take maternity leave.

"Bailey, I'm fine! I don't need to be on maternity leave, the baby is fine, I'm fine!" she protested loudly as Meredith stood by her side, their bellies almost the same – Meredith was showing from multiple pregnancies and from carrying twins and Amelia was simply almost due.

"Amelia, you're so big you can barely stand at the OR table without pushing it away. Maternity leave. Now. Go home, start nesting, and we'll see you when your water breaks." Strong-willed as she was, Amelia stormed off to her office to change and go home. Meredith stood there innocently, eyebrows raised.

"You. Grey. When are you due?" Bailey asked her, and Meredith jumped to attention.

"Twenty more weeks, but Addison wants me to go on leave at 30 weeks since it's twins and I could go early," she said with a smile, a hand on the swell of her bump. Bailey eyed her and huffed.

"Losing all three of my neurosurgeons as I assuming Derek is taking paternity leave?" she asked, and Meredith blushed and nodded. He had taken it with both Bailey and Leila and she shrugged a bit.

"We'll have six kids and Maggie can only help so much, she has her own job and life, we can't chain her to our kids, plus Amelia will come back a lot sooner than the 12 weeks off she has available to her. She's addicted to surgery," Meredith smirked, shrugging her shoulders. Truth was, at 20 weeks she was ready to have the twins, but they weren't ready to be born. She grabbed a chart and headed in the other direction before Bailey had the chance to blow up at her.

* * *

Meredith met up with Derek for lunch in the quiet of her office, curling up to him on the couch.

"So, what do you like for baby names?" she asked him as she ate her salad and fries, sipping on both soda and a milkshake. Her cravings were weird; she knew this as she dipped her fries in her strawberry milkshake, thinking up her favorite baby names. It was simple, a first and middle name for both a boy and a girl.

Derek watched her dip her fries into her milkshake and made a face.

"Meredith you do know that's completely disgusting, right?" She laughed and shook her head.

"Realistically, yes. But my cravings think it's delicious," she grinned as she leaned into him, kissing his cheek.

"But come on, we have to name them!" she smiled. She had names in her head that she loved, names she'd been thinking of ever since she'd found out they were twins, before they had found out that they were a girl and a boy. Between bites of his food, Derek answered.

"Okay. Well. For girls I like the names Hannah, Abigail, Charlotte, Emma, Stella…I could go on," he laughed, as Meredith took it in and zeroed in on a name.

"Hannah. Her name is Hannah. Hannah Marie Shepherd," she said with a smile, as Derek leaned in to kiss her.

"Hannah Marie Shepherd it is. What about boys?" he asked her, and she wracked her pregnancy-filled brain for names.

"I like Jacob, Liam, Lucas, James…" Derek interrupted her with a smile.

"I like James Christopher," he smiled, kissing the side of her head. Finally the twins had names, even if she wasn't due for a few months still, and they were names that both of them loved.

BREAK

Another month passed, with Amelia's due date coming up fast. In the middle of the night Derek's phone rang, and at first he ignored it until he realized it was Amelia. He turned on the light and sat up straight, answering the phone.

"Oh, hi Owen. Oh, shit. Okay, we'll meet you at the hospital," he told him. Gently, he reached over and shook Meredith awake, who moaned.

"Christ Derek, it's 3:45 AM, this has better be good," she bitched, her eyes blinking in the dim bedroom light as they adjusted from dark to light.

"Amelia's water broke, she and Owen are on their way to the hospital and she's asking for you," he told her and Meredith sighed, forcing herself to sit up. She blinked again in the light and finally hauled herself out of bed, quickly getting dressed in something comfortable. If this baby was anything like Amelia and Owen, she was going to be stubborn and take awhile. Slipping her feet into a pair of Uggs with her leggings and one of Derek's dress shirts, she ran a brush through her hair and braided it back, knowing it was going to be a long day.

"I know you work later so drop the kids off in day care and school, and pop in on us. I'll page you when she's pushing, or when the baby is here, or something. She probably won't want you in much because you're her brother," she shrugged as he followed her to the door as she shrugged on her coat, wrinkling her nose at the typical February Seattle weather – wind and rain.

He kissed her on the lips and pulled her close, smiling.

"Tell her I love her and I'll come see her as soon as I can, okay? She's my baby sister, I'm required to pop in a few times," he laughed, and she shook her head, grabbing her bag that she had tossed a book and a few other things into, even though she knew she'd be helping Amelia the whole time – Owen would be too involved with her level of pain, but Mer had done this three times before.

"Of course," she said, kissing him back and slipping out the front door into the rain and climbing into her car.

* * *

It took her less than an hour to get to the hospital at this time, and soon she was parking in her designated parking spot and rushing inside up to maternity. Walking into Amelia's room, she found her in active labor, in the middle of a strong contraction.

"So I'm assuming baby Hunt will be here sooner rather than later?" she asked, as Amelia sent her a death glare. Owen updated her.

"She's at 6cm, fully effaced, water broken, contractions every three minutes. She can't talk through them anymore and obviously she can't have any medication for them but she's doing pretty well. Addison has been great with keeping her comfortable though and the nurses are great." Meredith smiled and dropped her bag, taking a seat next to Amelia, who was sweaty and looked miserable.

"Amelia, I know it's hard, but you can do it, okay? I know it sucks but you're going to have a beautiful daughter who's going to grow up with all her Seattle cousins and you're going to love her so much," she said, knowing Amelia wouldn't really care, or rather, she was in too much pain to listen to her much, but she shrugged her shoulders and let her hold onto her hand for as long as she wanted.

* * *

It was only two more hours before Addison came in and told Amelia she had to push, and only another half hour after that before Amelia was crying and there was a crying newborn in her arms. Tiny and pink, she had wispy dark hair and deep blue eyes, and Amelia was fussing over her, with Owen sitting next to them both, an arm curled around them both. Meredith took that as her cue to leave the room and call Derek.

Slipping out of the room she couldn't help but smile, knowing Derek would be proud of his little sister. It was nearing 7 AM and she knew he'd be feeding the kids breakfast. Luckily, he picked up on the first ring.

"Tell me good news, Mer!" he burst out, and Meredith had to laugh.

"Baby Girl Hunt was born at 6:47 am, she weighs 7 pounds, 2 ounces, and is 20 inches long. Dark hair and blue eyes. I think they're still debating names, I figured I'd leave them alone to spend time together as a family before I went back in but I know Amelia wants you, so come up to her room when you get here. She's pretty cute," she smiled, looking down at her own belly, knowing in a few more months she'd be giving birth again. Leila was 13 months old already, chasing her older sisters and brother around and adding to the crazy chaos that was the Shepherd household. Meredith loved every bit of it, knowing full well that ten years ago she wanted none of this. It was so much better this way, living in their dream house in the woods, surrounded by kids. In the next moment Owen popped us head out, signaling for her.

"Hey Der, I have to go, Amelia wants me, but come see all of us when you get to the hospital okay? The kids can meet their cousin later. I love you," she smiled, hanging up and heading back into the room, where Amelia and the baby had both been cleaned up. Amelia looked significantly better and perkier now.

"Hey Mer, come meet your niece," Amelia smiled and Meredith took the chance, rushing to her bed as she was handed the new baby. Her hormones took over and she felt tears come to her eyes as she looked down at the sweet little girl, her niece. Sure she had plenty of nieces and nephews, but she wasn't close with the other Shepherd girls like she was with Amelia.

"What's her name?" she asked, rocking her back and forth. Her eyes opened and closed and one of her fists clenched and unclenched.

"Ella Marie," Amelia said and Meredith smiled brightly.

"I love it, it's beautiful," she grinned. She was enjoying the feel of a newborn in her arms again, knowing soon she'd have two in her arms, when Derek came in the room with a present and balloons. Amy looked up with a wide smile at her brother and Meredith turned to him.

"Hey Amy," he smiled, leaning over and kissing her cheek.

"Congratulations, I can't believe my baby sister is a mom!" Nothing could wipe the smile off Amelia's face as she watched Meredith with her daughter. After washing his hands, Derek held out his arms and Meredith gently passed her to him.

"Her name is Ella," Amelia said, laying back in the bed. It was only around 8:30 and she was exhausted. She wanted to sleep forever but she knew people would be in and out of the room all day – she was tempted to put a 'do not enter' sign on the door.

"She's beautiful, she's all Shepherd," he teased, before looking up at Owen.

"No offense," he laughed, and Owen shook his head.

"None taken, she looks just like Amelia. She's beautiful," he said, kissing his wife's forehead. Meredith sat down in the chair again and watched Derek with his niece, the way he held her and talked to her and her heart swelled. They had four kids together but she never tired of watching him with a new one. He was the perfect father, he was wonderful with kids. No wonder he wanted ten of them.

* * *

 **This was fun to write! And lengthyish but I love it. Owen and Amelia have a baby and Meredith and Derek aren't far behind with their 5th and 6th! And they have names Can't wait to see what you guys think!**

 **Check out my Omelia fic but warning: it follows the show so no Derek Sorry guys! But I can't write a realistic Omelia fic without having Amelia be affected by Derek's death. Hope at least some of you guys will read!**


	47. Sweeter Than This

By 34 weeks, Meredith was sent on maternity leave. She wasn't ready to go but Addison insisted, telling her she could have the twins at any day. Trying to protest was futile however, and Meredith sighed as she was forced to stay at home while Derek and Maggie went to work. Even Zola and Bailey went to school, with Ellis going to preschool – she was left with Leila at home, and she was over a year old by now, running around the house with her adorable, senseless babble that sometimes made sense. She had to admit, it was fun being with Leila all day, discovering her youngest and how she worked and liked to play, knowing that she looked up to her older sisters. Zola by now was developing a sassy attitude, Bailey was shy and quiet. Ellis was four going on fourteen, but Leila was strong willed and wanted what she wanted. Even though she couldn't move that fast, Meredith loved getting on the ground and playing with the fourteen month old, who always sought – and got – mommy's approval.

Meredith cherished these days, being home with Leila, even though her bump was so big it could be It's own planet. She and Leila made up games to play and had princess tea parties, they watched endless movies – her favorite was The Emperors New Groove and not Frozen, thank god – and they just had mommy and Leila time all day, every day.

One night during dinner, with all six of them around the table, Meredith felt a twinge in her stomach. She knew all too well what that twinge meant but she kept quiet about it, continuing to cut up chicken for Leila. She felt like the twinge was fine, if it was labor she'd be able to tell so she continued the task and finished eating dinner, helping Derek clean up with Zola passing them dishes from the table. She had no idea when her tiny baby girl had turned into a big 8 year old but she surveyed her family with a smile.

By the time they were getting ready for bed, her contractions wer more than just a twinge but they were still far apart as she climbed into bed, holding her pregnancy pillow.

"I'm having contractons," she told Derek, who sat right back up, looking alarmed. She laughed and shook her head.

"You can relax, they're like 20-30 minutes apart and barely anything, I don't think these babies are coming out tonight or tomorrow," she promised him, kissing him on the lips.

"I'm still calling out for tomorrow," he told her, sending a quick text to Amelia before he settled down into bed with Meredith, his arms around her, knowing life was going to get crazy. They fell asleep together like that, wrapped up in each other the most they could even with her huge bump in the way.

* * *

By morning, her contractions were still 15 minutes apart. She had been lucky enough to get a full night of sleep, but Derek looked worse for wear as he poured a large cup of coffee for himself, eyeing Meredith with jealousy.

"You had contrations all night, how did you sleep?" he asked her, and she shrugged.

"This is my fifth pregnancy and they weren't strong, I barely woke up with them," she said as she winced through one. They were barely anything but enough to leave her in pain and dreading the rest. "Maggie is taking the kids to school and leaving Leila at day care, you said you're staying with me until it's time to go to the hospital…I don't see that happening anytime soon so I'll pack their bags, and my back, and clean up around here," she said, doing the breakfast dishes with a vengeance before heading upstairs to the nurseries. She packed one diaper bag for Hannah and one for James, leaving them by the front door since they'd end up in the car soon, then packed her own bag, filled with comfy shirts and leggings that she could lay in the hospital bed in. Then she went into full on nesting mode, her contractions slowly coming closer together.

By the time she had finished making everyone's bed and tidying their rooms, her contractions were at 10 minutes, and she was slowing down. Derek was napping on the couch as she cleaned up the mess of toys in the living room, and she had found stray bottles around the house, leading her to do more dishes. Once she got comfortable in an armchair with her Kindle, she stayed there several hours until she couldn't stand the contractions anymore. By this time, it was around 4 and the kids would be home soon via Alex.

"Derek," she said loudly, and he arose from his slumber looking very confused, before focusing on her.

"Is it time?" he asked her, and she gently shook her head. Honestly, he always overreacted when she was in labor; she was the calm one. She unfolded her legs and forced herself up, pushing her feet into Uggs and grabbing her coat – of course it was pouring outside, a tribute to Seattle's springtime. Derek climbed off the couch and found his shoes, running after her as he grabbed his jacket and the three bags, leading her out to the car.

Her contractions were 5-7 minutes apart and she texted Addison, telling her they were coming in and she sent a text to Amelia, who had wanted to be there as well. For good measure, she texted Carolyn in New York, giving her impending notice that two more grandchildren were going to come into the world soon. She closed her eyes after texting everyone, sitting back and soaking in the calmness before everything blew up around her, knowing that it would.

* * *

Once they arrived at the hospital, Addison met them at the front door and escorted them upstairs, and such began the whirlwind of giving birth. Meredith was set up in a room with an IV, Addison checked her – 2CM dilated, 100% effaced, progressing nicely – and she was told to sit tight, that it could be long or short. Meredith sighed and tried to pass the time several different ways but she couldn't get comfortable and simply curled on her side, counting her contractions. She spent hours with them at 5-7 minutes apart; it wasn't until 9 PM that they started to 3-5 minutes apart and by then she'd been in labor for 24 hours.

Addison came back in and checked her again.

"Mer, you're only 4.5cm apart," she sighed, and Meredith whined out of protest.

"I can give you Pitocin but I wouldn't recommend it. You're doing great, these babies are just slow and stubborn. Do you want an epidural?" Meredith quickly said no; she hated not being able to feel anything and then needing a catheter with it, so she rolled back over onto her side and closed her eyes – Derek was attempting sleep in the reclining chair next to her.

* * *

It wasn't until 4 AM when she woke up, unable to ignore her contractions. They were coming every 1-2 minutes and she couldn't talk or breathe through them. Derek was at her side, holding her hand and paging a nurse, and Addison rushed in, checking her cervix again and shaking her head.

"A little bit more, Mer, you're barely 9 cm," she told her, and Meredith started crying. She didn't regret her choice of not getting an epidural but god, she was in so much pain. The contractions were ripping her apart and she couldn't stop screaming and moaning at them.

Less than half an hour later, Addison was back, and she finally smiled at her.

"10cm, Meredith. Time to start pushing," she said, and Meredith looked up at Derek. He had called Amelia already, who suddenly burst into the delivery room, her hand locking in Meredith's free one.

"Okay Meredith, when the next contraction comes you're going to push," she said, and Meredith, dizzy with pain, felt the urge to push, so she did. Over the next hour she pushed, and finally around 5:30 AM, the first twin was out.

"Congratulations guys, your little girl is here," Addison said, as she cleaned her off and passed her to Derek, who held her close to Meredith. Meredith simply cried, looking down at her new daughter.

"Hannah Elizabeth" she whispered, before Hannah was taken away to be weighed and such. Fortunately she was given a break before James moved into place and needed to be pushed out; she was exhausted. She felt another wave of contractions before her and vaguely heard Addison telling her to push; this time it felt easier and in minute James came screaming into the world. She laid back and closed her eyes, feeling Derek kissing her and telling her how proud he was of her. He nudged her awake and Hannah was placed in her arms, as he held Jake, and once again that overwhelming sense of joy filled her as she looked down at her daughter, weighing 5.6 pounds, completely tiny and perfect.

Derek sat next to her in the bed; Amelia had slipped out to give them time alone.

"They're perfect," Meredith whispered, tearing up as she gazed upon the twins, pressing a kiss to Derek's twins. Their house might be crazy and full now, but she was more than happy.

* * *

 **I'm so sorry it's literally taking me forever to get these chapters out to you compared to how I was; I care so mush about you guys and my stories but i'm so sick. I have what's called gastroparesis and I can't eat so I don't have energy or spoons (read or google the spoon theory) to do everything i want to do every day so I have to pick and choose everything, and I nap frequently everyday, so your continuous understanding means so much to me! 3 I love this chapter and I hope you guys like it :) Now to update everything else!**


	48. Sick Note

I wanted to give an apology to everyone for not updating recently. I have a very severe stomach disease called gastroparesis; I've had it nearly three years but it's extremely progressive and for me, it has progressed to the point where I can no longer have solid food. As you know, a person requires food to sustain life and have energy, and because I can't have food I have limited energy for things. Some days I can't get out of bed, some days I can only make it to the room next to mine; some days I have more energy than others. It varies.

I AM NOT ABANDONING MY WORK AND CHARACTERS. I have put so much work and love into my stories and I would never do that to them, or to you. I am simply saying that it may be awhile between updates, and for that I am incredibly sorry because I miss the days where I'd update every single story and make all of you smile. I'm doing the best that I can and I hope you don't abandon me because we still have a long journey ahead of us together.

Xx Emilia


	49. Hello again!

Hey everyone! I've missed all of you SO MUCH and I think I'm finally healthy enough to return to writing/updating fics for all of you! So much has happened in my life, I've lost so much, but in return I've gained so much more. Here's what's happened since I last posted a note:

I lost 35 pounds due to my gastroparesis, and as an already tiny, almost underweight person, it shoved me under the edge to severely underweight. But I'll return to that in a bit.

I had surgery on my stomach, a procedure called a pyloryplasty, to cut open the muscle that forces your stomach to contract every 2-3 minutes and helps food pass through. Now, when/if I eat, my food flows freely through and it's easier for my food to digest – which helps a lot, because we learned through a stomach emptying test that my food digests slowly, at a mere 12%. My digestive system is failing but it still works, albeit slowly.

So, last time I posted, I was barely able to eat, and was losing weight rapidly. I had no energy which is why I had to step back from writing, because my brain simply couldn't handle it anymore. I was so upset I couldn't write for you guys! When I went in for surgery, I weighed 101 pounds. I was in the hospital for 5 days after my surgery, and recovered quickly. However, 36 hours after being at home, I couldn't stop throwing up the 1/4th of a smoothie I had managed to drink, and I was admitted to the ICU at the hospital. They put in an NG (nasal-gastric) drainage tube in my nose going into my stomach, because there was a blockage in my stomach going into my small bowel (gross, right?) and I was diagnosed with something called SMA syndrome. Basically, I had lost too much weight in too little time, and a major artery had lost fatty tissue and simply collapsed on top of the area where the stomach meets the small bowel.

I was transported to the hospital where my GI doctor and surgeon were, and placed in THEIR ICU, and was on so much pain medication every hour just to make myself slightly more comfortable. Nothing helped with the pain. A few days later they placed what's called a GJ tube in my stomach, the G portion drains your stomach if it's backed up and you feel sick, and the J portion goes into your jejunum and is where you get feeds. It was a disaster from the start, with the J portion clogging straight away. It decided to stay clogged, no matter how hard they tried to unclog it (it would get unclogged for a few hours, and the next time they went to use it for feedings, medicine, etc, it would be clogged again.) So that was a disaster but after 22 days in the hospital, I got sent home on 9/8 – a day before my 27th birthday!

I luckily got to be home for my birthday, even if my birthday cake had to be brought up to me at my bedside because I was too sick and in too much pain to go downstairs, but I was surrounded by my parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. However, the following Monday I landed myself in the ER with vomiting and severe pain, and was released Tuesday. Being so strong-willed, I made it to my classes Wednesday! My professors were impressed with how resilient I am, and proud of me. I should note that this entire time, the head of my dance program was doing everything she could to make sure that I could complete the semester, even though I came back 3 weeks into the semester. I seriously love this woman, and owe her so much. She is so determined and so caring, and emailed or texted me every single day that I was in the hospital and kept my spirits up, and is even allowing me to choreograph two dances this semester! One is a group piece and one is a solo, showcasing my 15 year struggle with anorexia. So far both pieces are going great!

So the Thursday after my birthday, I went and had my fourth endoscopy of the year, where I got the GJ tube out, and they placed a PICC line in my left arm. A PICC line is just a fancy term for a permanent IV/central line; if everything goes right with it you can have them for months or years. I began on TPN feedings, or total parenteral nutrition, which I carried around in a backpack while it infused and disconnected when it was time to dance. I needed to gain and reach 110 pounds; my lowest weight I had reached was 93. I'm currently 102, because unfortunately yesterday we discovered that my PICC had become infected, and it had to be pulled out. My GI doctor decided that I didn't need another one, and of course I'm losing weight like crazy, and my life is just one giant mess.

It doesn't help that I received two more diagnoses this past week: dysautonomia and POTS, which go hand in hand. Dysautonomia means that nerves in my briain don't send proper signals to places in my body, causing things to go wrong, which could be an explanation for my brittle diabetes, my gastroparesis, my severe migraines, and many other things. POTS stands for posterior orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, which basically means I have severe tachycardia. My resting heartrate when I'm sitting or lying down is usually in the 120's or 130's. For a normal person, their resting heartrate is usually around 90`100. When I dance it can go up into the 170's. which is dangerous but I've been given no restrictions which I'm happy about, but we'll see what a more specialized cardio tells me.

Throughout all of this I'm trying to stay positive and move on and be happy about this. I'm planning a trip to Disney with my best friend for spring break, and I'm going to NYC this weekend for comic con. I'm trying to live my life without limits, the way that chronically ill people try to live, because for now my only limit is my racing heartbeat and the way my body constantly feels like crap. But hopefully as I see doctors, things will slowly be explained and medication will be able to help me.

Either way, like I said, I'm definitely ready to come back and write more chapters for you guys! I've missed these characters so much and I've missed writing for you, and making you guys happy.

Look out for new chapters in ALL of my stories in this upcoming week!

XX Emilia


	50. Congratulations

Meredith woke up in the middle of the night to something familiar yet unfamiliar – a small cry. She couldn't quite place it, but the more she opened her eyes, she turned to the source – it was Hannah, crying out of hunger. Closing her eyes again, she sighed and reached for the bassinet, pulling it towards her. She picked up the newborn and gently untied her hospital gown, situating her underneath her swollen breast. It was 3AM; she was hoping Hannah would latch on without needing assistance of a nurse. She was her fourth baby though; Meredith would like to think she was an expert at this by now. Sighing, she felt her tiny mouth close around her and she relaxed back into the hospital bed, closing her eyes. She could feel her tiny mouth suckling as Meredith stroked her soft, dark hair, only opening her eyes to look down at her new daughter with a smile. She and her brother looked just like Derek, it made her smile as she turned to look at the man himself, curled up on the couch under a pile of blankets.

Then, of course, James started crying and Meredith let out a frustrated groan.

"Derek!" she hissed through the darkness, giggling a little when he fumbled himself awake.

"What?" he said, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He noticed James crying and stood up, scooping the baby up from the bassinet and crying to quiet him down with a pacifier until Meredith could feed him. She looked up at him with a tired smile, her green eyes exhausted.

"And so begins another 18-year cycle," she joked, as Derek sat at the end of her bed with James.

* * *

Coming home with the twins was tumultuous; the older four wanted to see them and were clambering over each other to get a glimpse of their new baby brother and sister. Meredith, on the other hand, wanted peace and quiet, and Derek didn't blame her as she headed into the bedroom and curled up for a nap. His mother was there to help with all six of them and he was grateful as she made dinner for the older four. Eventually Meredith woke up from her nap in full mommy mode, taking Hannah for him as she curled up in a corner of the couch, feeding her as Derek distracted James, or Jack as they had nicknamed him. Once she was done with Hannah she snuggled up with her youngest, her little Jack, smiling down on the little boy who looked exactly like his daddy.

"Hey you," she whispered to him, kissing the top of his sweet-smelling head. He couldn't have his first bath yet but she soaked in his milky newborn smell, closing her eyes as he fed from her other breast. 9 years ago, had someone asked her where she saw herself, she would've said 'hardcore surgeon' not 'mommy to 6', but here she was, her older four running around and her youngest curled up in her arms, suckling for what seemed like ages as she kept herself comfortable. Derek stood in the middle of the room, watching the three older girls chase Bailey around and he smiled. She couldn't help but look up at him and match his smile.

"Does life get any better than this? How did we get so blessed?" she asked him, her green eyes sparkling with happy tears. His eyes mirrored hers, shaking his head a bit.

"Karma finally turned up. All those bad things that happened to us, they paid off and we've gotten so lucky with things," he told her, leaning over and kissing her forehead.

* * *

Settling into a family of 8 was a little crazy. Both cars had to be upgraded, so Derek and Carolyn, with the three oldest kids, did that while Mer stayed home with the twins and Leila, loving the time with the little ones. The babies were perfect and Leila was in her little tiny toddling cuddle-bug stage, which Meredith loved. Spending the day with just the three of them was nice, and she actually managed to get some laundry done as well, before the big kids, Derek, and Carolyn came home with two new cars for the family. Mer looked down at Hannah, laughing a bit.

"Oh, babygirl, you're going to have to get used to three sisters and two brothers," she smiled, kissing the newborn on her forehead. She stood in the doorway of the dream house, watching the kids play in the yard. Derek joined her in the doorway and wrapped his arms around her, looking down at one of his daughters with a smile.

"So I managed to have four chatty girls. But I still got two boys," he laughed, kissing the top of her head. She couldn't help but laugh with him; their family mirrored his own in so many ways, except Bailey at least had a brother to have fun with when Jack was older.

"We have a house full of girls, this is going to be a disaster," she laughed, reaching up to kiss him. Zola had taken over playing on the swing set, bossing Bailey and Ellis around. Ellis was the princess, but Zola was the queen, and Bailey was just the poor little peasant boy running around doing things. She shook her head at the older three as Leila toddled out of the house, wrapping her arms around Derek's leg as Carolyn walked out holding Jack. Meredith's heart swelled with pride at the family and life she had created with Derek, knowing that the twins were their last children.

How on earth had they gone from one night stand to a family of eight? It had been such a long and winding road, but they had done it. There had been so many bumps and full-on stops along the way, but Meredith knew she would never, ever want her life any different than it had turned out to be.

* * *

 **So I didn't write this chapter intending to end the fic here, but it seemed like the perfect ending to this fic. BUT I'm contemplating a sequel – I just don't know what it would be about! Ahhh! So throw out some ideas for me This fic has certainly been a journey, it was one of the first ones I wrote and I started it around this time last year so WOW! I'm so grateful to everyone who has read and reviewed this and I'm so proud that I can finally mark this as COMPLETE! My first completed fic EVER! Thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have all of my other fics going still that I'm still getting around to updating, so please follow and read those! Three MerDer and two Omelia, one with Merder! Again, I love you all!**


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